day 64

so i just looked at the calendar and counted out the days. today is june 10th, and it's also day 64 of my 90 in 90 project. i am over a third of the way there!

i thought i would take a little time to just think about that, and how i feel this far into the project.
and honestly, i feel good. i feel proud of myself. on occasion i think about going through the day without following through with this project, and it seems wrong. i don't want to let myself down.

and frankly, i think that is a huge step. this is important to me. i feel good about the fact that i have been able to stick to something for 64 whole days, just because i decided that i wanted to. it gives me hope that i can really accomplish things i put my mind to- for no other reason than because i feel like it. i mean, in some ways i did not doubt that i could do something if it was important enough. but before i always had excuses for why "fill in the blank" wasn't necessarily all that important. i feel like now i will do that less. at least, i hope i will.

i am also thinking about getting myself together in other ways. i recently went back to therapy, which has always been a good thing for me to do. i have noticed that i tend to have minor breakdowns if i am out of therapy for too long. i develop bad habits or stop taking care of myself (in small yet meaningful ways, but never like 'i can't get out of bed' or stop showering type of way) and recently i have been getting burned out at work, and burned out at life. i have stopped trying to communicate when something is wrong, or even when something is really right. it's ironic, considering it happened in the midst of me writing a blog. but it did. i realized that i have a hard time communicating my feelings to important people in my life. real, serious feelings. not like everyday ho hum feelings. real ones- like 'i'm scared' or 'i miss you' or 'i can't handle this' or 'i'm hurt' or 'you make me happy'. things people would either like to hear, or probably should hear. i keep those inside. and i think that will be my next ongoing project. becoming more open, and more comfortable talking about those feelings that currently make me squirm. i think i owe that to myself. i think it will make me better at being me.

64 days down. 26 left to go. let's see where it takes me.