check yourself. express yourself.

ok you're gonna have to excuse me, it's a tuesday night and i'm a little tipsy. between lost and glee i can hardly contain myself.

something strange happened today. i went on another first date. and it was weird, but not a disaster. he was cute and pretty interesting. and i'm trying to keep an open mind- because the things that i considered 'weird' aren't weird really, they're just different from what i'm used to. so maybe i just need to open my mind. even writing them down seems inappropriate, like i will come off sounding like a snob when i don't really think i am one.
but ok twist my arm. he's 28 and finishing his associates. he kind of has an idea of what he wants to do- maybe. well, getting a bachelors is next up on his list. which is good. he doesn't seem to have a credit card. he might want to be an actor. his parents didn't go to college and therefore it wasn't expected of him. this is his life, and he's happy with it. and i shouldn't judge because i mean- hey- it's working for him. it's just that i grew up in a family where going to college was fully expected. and i did just that. and then i got a masters, and i'm trying to build up my career. i realize that not everyone goes down this path. i guess i never really saw myself dating someone who was on a different one though. perhaps that was wrong of me. or maybe i'm being pretentious. but it is what it is. it's also possible he didn't like me and i'll never hear from him again. i'll have to just wait and see and try to go with the flow.

i just feel like i am falling behind. so many people are married or in serious relationships. and here i am struggling to find someone i want to go on a second date with. i'm 27! i thought by now i'd be engaged or something. well, back when i was in like 7th grade i thought that. it's funny how life never goes the way you planned in middle school. but seriously- people are starting to have kids! this trend will continue! when is it my turn to get on board! i don't want to be the kooky aunt who is always alone. no offense to the kooky aunt's of the world- but i want more for myself. i feel ready to not be alone anymore, but the universe is not cooperating and instead i keep seeing my peers move on to the next phase of their lives (relationships, marriages, houses, kids, etc) while i watch and be supportive. and don't get me wrong- i AM supportive and happy for those people. it's just frustrating to be in this situation with no end in sight. and no, i do not want you to tell me that "i'll meet someone soon" or "it'll happen when you least expect it" or "don't worry someone is out there for you". no- someone was out there for YOU. you found them. more power to you. get out of my face before i pour this third glass of prosecco on you. don't tempt me i will do it. (sidenote: i did tip over my third drink tonight. it was prosecco. i probably didn't need to finish it anyway...)

ok rant over.

i'm sorry. but all this crap is hard. going on these first dates recently are all fine and good and make great stories. but i am losing some hope in this process, and therefore i'm holding on to what i can and trying to be more open minded so i don't push anyway any real opportunities. you'll just have to bare with me.

i have to go to bed now. cross your fingers my headache tomorrow is minimal.