the charlie horsey goes.....

i'm in some pain. i'm having foot cramps, and they're pretty severe. they're actually running up my calf and into my hip, and then shooting back down to the foot. yeah. this is karma. i was supposed to go for a 'run' earlier with leslie, or at the very least go to the gym and work out. guess what i did instead....
so this is god punishing me for being lazy.

actually, arielle and i have been getting foot cramps since forever. i qualify that statement because i don't hear a lot of other people getting foot cramps. or at least, they don't tell me about it. but i'm sure lots of other people get them too. mine have been kind of more severe lately- lasting a while and ending with me stretching and trying not to cry. it's fun.

anyway, back to karma. one of my clients this morning brought it up. she told me a story about how a few years ago there was a teenager on the block out looking for a reputation. they knew he was acting crazy and did nothing to try and stop him. as a result some people got hurt. now she says ever since then the people on the block have experienced tragedies. she attributes this to karma. and she really believes it. you could easily say that the various tragedies of these families could be attributed to gun violence and gangs in the ghettos of philly. but i'll go with karma. truthfully i kind of like the idea of karma- that if you do good things, you'll get them in return. and that bad people will get it back to them in the end. i find comfort in thinking that the people who have hurt me in the past will get their comeuppance.
but where does that leave me? i'm not perfect, and i haven't always treated everyone in the way they may have deserved. when i was a pre-teen at camp laurel i stopped speaking to this girl who was previously a good friend of mine. i can't remember now why i did it- besides the fact that some of my other friends did it too, but i do know that it was wrong and it hurt her feelings. did i get that back in return when in the ninth grade my two best friends at the time stopped talking to me? i spent a few months lonely and sad and friendless. was that my payment? maybe it was. it sucked.

you would think i would have learned. but i think i continue to struggle with the whole idea. i need to put more positive energy into the world- more motivation, more smiling, more adventure. and maybe i'd get good returns. actually, i think i would. but at the same time, i spent my night sitting on the couch. not much of an adventure (unless you count watching fringe, which is always an adventure...). i am a week in to this 90 in 90 experiment- and still going strong i might add- but i am struggling with my motivation. i was talking to my friend jared earlier (hi jared! shout out!) and he, of course, had an idea to improve upon my 90 in 90 idea. he told me that i should do things everyday that are 'blog-worthy'. no one likes to read a boring blog. if i want people to read this, then i have to have adventures that people will want to read about. i have to put myself out there, try new things, and really just throw myself into this as a way of putting more positive energy out into the ether- and hopefully bring it back into my own life. basically: "get your ass off the couch diana, and go make your own adventure". i think this is going to become one of my new mottos. i might even tape it up on my mirror- or better yet, the top of my tv screen.