what a difference a day makes

ah yesterday, you had such promise. seriously- it was a good tuesday. filled with hope and potential job opportunities. work wasn't too bad, and i got all cultural after work seeing a play with ben! tuesday, i have fond memories of you.

and then there was today.

it started with me getting up early to go to the gynecologist. exactly.
you'd think that any day that started with a pap smear could only get better, right? well, you'd be half right. i mean, it's not like it got worse exactly. it was just one long day of unfortunate things. (and actually, my gynecologist is really nice and does his exams pretty painlessly)

work was long and annoying. i had little energy. i ate too many fiber bars.
and most disappointing, the two job prospects i had didn't pan out. one was a potentially cool job at penn that turned out to be an entry level job i was way overqualified for.
the other is a job in providence. its a great job. it just doesn't pay quite as much as i already make. and you know, it's in providence. so that one would involve....moving.
i like providence. it could be fun to live there- but not for less money than i currently make. right? (no i'm serious- give me your opinion)
it makes me sad. but its also just annoying- because i want a new, good job.

however. i am going to try and continue to stick with this karma thing. i need to try and stay positive. sure, i was a total crankypants today and i ate a huge ice cream sundae for dinner (thanks for meeting me leslie). but maybe tomorrow will be better?

a lot can happen in a day.

the pox

where is jessica simpson when you need her? my face looks like the 'before' picture in a proactive commercial.
seriously, it's like i have chicken pox strictly on my T-zone. it's gross.

i know i may get negative points for saying this- but normally i have awesome skin. i always have. i thought it was genes (have you seen evelyn's skin? its pretty great). then i apparently got to my mid-20s and my skin decided to go through adolescence.
it's upsetting.
i'm upset.

as a result i can't leave the house without a fair amount of makeup and i'm constantly re-examining my skin care products. i need a facial. and an esthetician to tell me what i should be using. i can't get in to see my dermatologist until june. by then my braces might have magically reappeared and my stylish side bangs will have grown down past my eyebrows and taken over my forehead.

send help.

Marc Banks, I think you might be Dead

you never call, you haven't written in almost two weeks (granted, you did tell me why you weren't going to recap last week's american idol). but still. WHERE ARE YOU.

marc, i feel like you are involved in this process with me, since you were there at it's inception. and you have had no time to talk to me!! you haven't even really given me any feedback on all of this! all i get are snippets of you calling on your way to the gym. or telling me that you got my message but have no time to talk. or saying you have things to talk to me about, but no time to talk to me. and lately i haven't even gotten that!

IS EVERYTHING OK? perhaps you are holed up with nick? discussing your future? or your kids at school are keeping you hostage in your classroom and away from personal technology devices? or you got locked out of your apartment and have moved in with the hobo around the corner? (is there a hobo around the corner?)

and you know, calling me tonight and not leaving a message- not cool. it made me think that maybe you got mugged just as you were about to explain what happened to you and now you're being held hostage in the sewer system of boston.
you should know by now what kind of imagination i have- so put me out of my misery and CALL ME BACK!

dirty laundry

i have a lot of laundry piling up in the hamper. dirty laundry. my stupid washing machine/dryer in one (it's a malber, in case you need to know what machine never to buy) breaks every six months. and sometimes it takes a month or so to fix. this would be one of those times. i called the washing machine fix-it lady (yes, it's a lady, her name is jj) at the end of march when i got back from my road trip. she came and inspected the damage. i need a new wire and sensor that controls the heating aspect of the dryer. she said their parts guy was sending out the parts that day. and she'd get back to me the following week. as i said, that was at the end of march.

today is april 25th. i have called once a week since then. the 'parts' are still not in. they have no idea when they are being sent, when they will arrive, when my machine will once again be able to do a mediocre job washing a small amount of my clothes at a time. this is ridiculous.

even more ridiculous- there is no one else in the city able to service my particular brand of washing machine (once again- it's a malber- the washer/dryer from hell). that's right. there's one company that fixes these machines. that's it. and it's apparently not a priority to them either.

luckily i have friends with their own washing machines that allow me to have clean clothes without resorting to spending hours in a smelly laundromat tossing quarters into machines that don't even do a good job.
also luckily, i have a lot of clothes :)



(note: just wanted to let everyone know the 90 in 90 is going strong! i've stepped up my gym time this week- going 4 times! but this week will probably see some more blog posts, because i have a lot of after-work social activities that will cut into my gym time. get excited! i'll try and have more exciting things to talk about than my laundry...)

Book Worm

i can count on one hand the number of books i've started to read but not finished. i have a thing about just putting books aside. although i might be leaning towards rethinking that personal policy. but probably not.
i also used to be someone who read one book at a time, start to finish. and fairly quickly, i might add. that also is slowly melding into a habit of having two or three books by my bed, and reading whichever one i'm in the mood for. i admit, that happens more when i am reading nonfiction, because it might not pull me in quite like a novel, and therefore even though it's interesting it takes me longer to read.
i have noticed though that i am taking longer to read books these days. i still volley back and forth between fiction and nonfiction, but it feels like it's taking...longer. and halfway through i'm already planning what in my ever-growing pile of 'to read' books i will start next. i don't know how i feel about this.

i dont know when i first started to love books. i guess my parents read to us a lot, and so it was natural to read when i needed something to do. Or before bed. or in the back seat of the car on a long drive. but reading has definitely become something i do everyday. it boggles my mind when people say they don't read. really? why not? what do you do before bed? don't you feel like you're missing out on knowing things? i just don't get it.

today, i was walking home when i stopped in to a cool independent book shop in headhouse square. i told myself i was just browsing, but i have a weakness for books, and independent cute little bookstores. and oops i bought 2 books to add to my 'to read' pile. i will probably die before i finish getting through the pile. the longest i've gone without buying any books was 5 1/2 months- last year when i made it a new years resolution to go 6 months without buying books. i almost made it too....but even then i didn't make it all the way through the 'to read' pile. although i did make quite a dent. but it's been built back up since i went back to buying books. plus, larry bought me at least 4 books for christmas this year- which was totally awesome. but i still have only read one or two of them. actually, one of those presents is next on my list: the Help, by kathryn somebody. it's supposedly amazing. if i ever get through Shakespeare's Wife (which i might have to add to my short list of books put away halfway through) and Animals in Translation (which is actually really interesting)- i'll dive right in to the Help with reckless abandon. :)

And just so you know, i buy most of my books on amazon. i realize that you can't have an addiction to books without buying them cheap and used most of the time. i keep a wish list on amazon so i can keep track of books i want to eventually buy. today i actually purchased one of them! (bird by bird, by anne lamott). the wish list is public, so you can look at if you're interested (not that you would be, but i feel like i'd probably look at someone's wish list of books some random night when i was at home and browsing the internet). Feel free to make suggestions.

What are you reading?

this week on 'as the clinic turns'

By 4:00 this afternoon my brain had turned to mush. This may have been due to the fact that throughout the day i had snacked on maybe 10 caramels and was therefore in the midst of a huge sugar crash.
It could also have been because this week i saw 33 people. Something that has become 'normal' over the past few weeks at work, even though in my profession it's not really considered healthy to see more than 25-30 people a week at the most. We are drowning in clients and paperwork. The piles of intake packets are literally starting to pour out of drawers and surround my computer on my desk. it's getting a little scary.

however, what was equally hard to take was the amount of crazy floating around my office this week. (*note, names will be omitted to protect my clients identities). You would think that North Philly is a big place. there are lots of little neighborhoods and thousands upon thousands of people who live in north philly alone. and yet i work in a community clinic- so most of the time my clients know each other. sometimes they tell me they know someone who comes to see me, sometimes they specifically refer someone to me, and sometimes they casually mention a friend or family member (both real or acquired family) who i realize i know. but in 95% of these cases, i'm finding out crazy shit about my clients from other clients.

For instance- two of my clients are smoking wet and not telling me about it. (wet- for those of you who don't know, is pot mixed w/ pcp, usually in a cigarette, which is then dipped in embalming fluid- it's insanity) another client is having an emotional affair with her friend's son- her friend also being my client. i have a mother-daughter pair of clients (who come in separately but call each other while in my office), sisters and some cousins. an uncle of someone who works at the clinic. and aunt and niece pair who keep talking about each other behind the others back. i see people who are old friends who didn't know they both saw me, and some people who don't get along and hate the i see their 'enemy' as well as them. and i have to keep it all straight. who's doing drugs, who's sleeping with who, who died or knows someone who died and how that affects the other clients who also know the deceased. today i told my boss i should keep a flow chart. if i knew how to do graphics on here i'd even draw up a tentative one for you to see. it's hysterical.

so- this week. drug use, affairs, a funeral, multiple fights. i also felt the belly of a client who is 9 months pregnant as her baby kicked. i learned a little about shuffleboard from a guy who has made it his primary hobby since being injured in a truck accident. i hugged a woman who did time for a crime she didn't commit and now can't get a job because of it. got med refills for another woman with hallucinations so severe she locks herself in her bathroom and rocks in the tub for hours on end. talked about the eating habits of a man with chronic pancreatitis who needs to drink boost 5 times a day, and a woman who binge eats and talks to her food as she eats it. one of my most regular clients told me she wrote a poem about me. she's bringing it in next week.

and you know what? it was great. sure, i'm exhausted and feel like mush. but my clients are the best part of my job. i love them, and for the most part they love me. i had four clients tell me they loved me this week- and only one was in a mildly creepy manner. what other profession gets to interact with people like this? i'm Involved in people's lives. people i never would have met were i not their confidante and outlet.

and yes, some weeks it feels like a soap opera and i need flow charts to keep all the connections together. lucky for me, elsie taught me to follow soaps as a child. i'm good with drama. i'll let you know if one day i discover someone coming back from the dead or twins separated at birth...

check yourself. express yourself.

ok you're gonna have to excuse me, it's a tuesday night and i'm a little tipsy. between lost and glee i can hardly contain myself.

something strange happened today. i went on another first date. and it was weird, but not a disaster. he was cute and pretty interesting. and i'm trying to keep an open mind- because the things that i considered 'weird' aren't weird really, they're just different from what i'm used to. so maybe i just need to open my mind. even writing them down seems inappropriate, like i will come off sounding like a snob when i don't really think i am one.
but ok twist my arm. he's 28 and finishing his associates. he kind of has an idea of what he wants to do- maybe. well, getting a bachelors is next up on his list. which is good. he doesn't seem to have a credit card. he might want to be an actor. his parents didn't go to college and therefore it wasn't expected of him. this is his life, and he's happy with it. and i shouldn't judge because i mean- hey- it's working for him. it's just that i grew up in a family where going to college was fully expected. and i did just that. and then i got a masters, and i'm trying to build up my career. i realize that not everyone goes down this path. i guess i never really saw myself dating someone who was on a different one though. perhaps that was wrong of me. or maybe i'm being pretentious. but it is what it is. it's also possible he didn't like me and i'll never hear from him again. i'll have to just wait and see and try to go with the flow.

i just feel like i am falling behind. so many people are married or in serious relationships. and here i am struggling to find someone i want to go on a second date with. i'm 27! i thought by now i'd be engaged or something. well, back when i was in like 7th grade i thought that. it's funny how life never goes the way you planned in middle school. but seriously- people are starting to have kids! this trend will continue! when is it my turn to get on board! i don't want to be the kooky aunt who is always alone. no offense to the kooky aunt's of the world- but i want more for myself. i feel ready to not be alone anymore, but the universe is not cooperating and instead i keep seeing my peers move on to the next phase of their lives (relationships, marriages, houses, kids, etc) while i watch and be supportive. and don't get me wrong- i AM supportive and happy for those people. it's just frustrating to be in this situation with no end in sight. and no, i do not want you to tell me that "i'll meet someone soon" or "it'll happen when you least expect it" or "don't worry someone is out there for you". no- someone was out there for YOU. you found them. more power to you. get out of my face before i pour this third glass of prosecco on you. don't tempt me i will do it. (sidenote: i did tip over my third drink tonight. it was prosecco. i probably didn't need to finish it anyway...)

ok rant over.

i'm sorry. but all this crap is hard. going on these first dates recently are all fine and good and make great stories. but i am losing some hope in this process, and therefore i'm holding on to what i can and trying to be more open minded so i don't push anyway any real opportunities. you'll just have to bare with me.

i have to go to bed now. cross your fingers my headache tomorrow is minimal.

maybe 'the secret' is true after all

i was trying to remember the words to the friends theme song, but all i can hear in my head is the party of five theme song that i heard on the radio a few days ago. random. and yet pertinent.

for a while i imagined my adult life to be like the one on friends. i would have a group of besties and we'd have a regular spot where we'd meet all the time after work or on weekends or something. a few years ago i felt somewhat disappointed because my life was not like that. i had friends but i was still kind of lonely. if you ask my therapist (or therapist-on-hold, as the case may be) she'd tell you i do my best when i'm social and scheduling things for myself to do. i tend to agree with her- we've done research on the issue.
and a funny thing happened recently. i woke up one day, looked around and realized i'm happy. my life is good. i mean, i could use a new job or some new and exciting hobby- but for the most part, my life is really good. i decided to stay in philly every weekend in april, thinking i could rest a lot and catch up on movies and stuff. but i haven't even had much time for movies- because i've been busy with friends and activities and fun! i have tons of friends here! we may not all hang out at a coffee shop, but i don't even drink coffee so who cares about that?

i think a lot about moving back to new york- changing things up, starting something new. it's an exciting idea, and if it works out then it works out. but i'm not running there or anything, because i'm happy here. and i'm happy here because i have a set of friends- people who care and are fun to be around and who do interesting things and make me laugh. and for that i am so grateful. it might have taken some time, but i feel like i've really made philly my home. and i'm happy about it. i'm just gonna go with it, because it feels right. i think i'm starting to just be more positive and believe that things happen for a reason, and that if you go with what feels right then you will get good things in return.

oh i just remembered the song! 'i'll be there for you!' with them all playing in the water fountain. cute. appropriate. friendly :)

....and another weekend comes to and end.

ten years on

*i am starting this post with a little aside, to let you know that this is one of those times that i'm invoking my rule of 'it is still saturday night to me because i haven't gone to bed yet even though technically it's sunday'. 90 in 90 still in tact. and i'm having quite a nice weekend- but that will have to wait until tomorrow*

tonight something pretty freaking awesome happened. katie poulin magoun, one of my best friends in the world, had a baby. i believe it happened some time around 11pm. Mariel "Molly" Katherine Magoun is 8 lb. 1 oz, 21 inches long. from what katie says she has a head of hair, and quite a set of lungs (which i heard myself- it was impressive). Both mother and baby are doing great! (as is dad, but dads never get as much attention post-birth, because frankly all he had to do was stand there and watch).

katie first called to tell me she was in labor earlier this afternoon. i was so excited i even surprised myself when i jumped up and down on the street and squealed like a little girl. katie is my first good friend to have a baby- the first pregnancy i feel like i've been involved with. and it's sooooooooo cool. and can i just say, i was also surprised that cell phones are allowed so freely in hospitals. i spoke with both katie and goon pre-labor, and katie called me like 25 minutes after giving birth from goon's cell phone. is that really allowed? who knows, but i appreciated it.

this big event got me thinking about the first time i met katie, and our friendship which has lasted almost ten years (10 years! where did the time go?) we met freshman year when we lived in the same dorm at hamilton (what up North!). to be honest, the first time we met i thought she was way cooler than me because she already knew a bunch of people when i felt like i knew no one. we would talk in the halls and stairwells of the dorm in large groups during orientation week- because we didn't know what else to do. our dorm was particularly close that year- and i'm really glad because i feel like it set a good precedent for the rest of college.

anyway- katie. we had our first real conversation under a tree outside of north somewhere around the second week of school. i was frustrated by one of my roommates (who turned out to be one of the sweetest people ever once you got to know her) and just felt like i was going to burst if i didn't talk to someone about it soon. so i approached katie, who i kind of knew and said something to the effect of "can i talk to you for a minute?" she was nice and obliged, and while i can't really remember any more of that conversation, i do know that it was the beginning of a year where we became inseparable. we did almost everything together- made friends, ate meals, went to parties, talked about boys.....talked about life.
we lived together for the first half of sophmore year, and sat in front of the tv together during 9/11- she is actually the one who woke me up and turned on the tv.
we watched dawsons creek together, trekked through the glen together, navigated break-ups and make-ups, made it to the end of school together- and didn't forget about each other once we got to the 'real world'.

for me katie has always been a rock. a beacon of rationality when i am being irrational. a pinch of funny when i am down. a partner in crime when we want to be mischievous. a sounding board when i need advice. she knows who she is, she's comfortable with it, and she accepts me the way i am.
katie is someone i will always want around- and she will be an amazing mother. she will be wise and kind and caring, protective but not overbearing. empathetic and understanding, but not a pushover. i can't wait to see her and meet molly, and help out where and when i can. i plan on being molly's kooky aunt who spoils her and tells funny stories about her parents from when they were in college (well, most of the stories i know about goon are inappropriate for children. so they will have to wait).
mainly i'm just excited that after ten years and a lifetime of changes, events, ups and downs- i'm friends with katie- and i get to see what comes next!

the charlie horsey goes.....

i'm in some pain. i'm having foot cramps, and they're pretty severe. they're actually running up my calf and into my hip, and then shooting back down to the foot. yeah. this is karma. i was supposed to go for a 'run' earlier with leslie, or at the very least go to the gym and work out. guess what i did instead....
so this is god punishing me for being lazy.

actually, arielle and i have been getting foot cramps since forever. i qualify that statement because i don't hear a lot of other people getting foot cramps. or at least, they don't tell me about it. but i'm sure lots of other people get them too. mine have been kind of more severe lately- lasting a while and ending with me stretching and trying not to cry. it's fun.

anyway, back to karma. one of my clients this morning brought it up. she told me a story about how a few years ago there was a teenager on the block out looking for a reputation. they knew he was acting crazy and did nothing to try and stop him. as a result some people got hurt. now she says ever since then the people on the block have experienced tragedies. she attributes this to karma. and she really believes it. you could easily say that the various tragedies of these families could be attributed to gun violence and gangs in the ghettos of philly. but i'll go with karma. truthfully i kind of like the idea of karma- that if you do good things, you'll get them in return. and that bad people will get it back to them in the end. i find comfort in thinking that the people who have hurt me in the past will get their comeuppance.
but where does that leave me? i'm not perfect, and i haven't always treated everyone in the way they may have deserved. when i was a pre-teen at camp laurel i stopped speaking to this girl who was previously a good friend of mine. i can't remember now why i did it- besides the fact that some of my other friends did it too, but i do know that it was wrong and it hurt her feelings. did i get that back in return when in the ninth grade my two best friends at the time stopped talking to me? i spent a few months lonely and sad and friendless. was that my payment? maybe it was. it sucked.

you would think i would have learned. but i think i continue to struggle with the whole idea. i need to put more positive energy into the world- more motivation, more smiling, more adventure. and maybe i'd get good returns. actually, i think i would. but at the same time, i spent my night sitting on the couch. not much of an adventure (unless you count watching fringe, which is always an adventure...). i am a week in to this 90 in 90 experiment- and still going strong i might add- but i am struggling with my motivation. i was talking to my friend jared earlier (hi jared! shout out!) and he, of course, had an idea to improve upon my 90 in 90 idea. he told me that i should do things everyday that are 'blog-worthy'. no one likes to read a boring blog. if i want people to read this, then i have to have adventures that people will want to read about. i have to put myself out there, try new things, and really just throw myself into this as a way of putting more positive energy out into the ether- and hopefully bring it back into my own life. basically: "get your ass off the couch diana, and go make your own adventure". i think this is going to become one of my new mottos. i might even tape it up on my mirror- or better yet, the top of my tv screen.

three strikes?

in about half an hour i'm going on my third first date in six days. and it seems about as promising as the first two...

'what are you talking about?' you might ask. well, let me tell you:

last thursday, the fateful day when i began my 90 in 90 adventure, i went on first date #1. Let's call him Tim. That was, in fact, his name. and he was boring. looked older than advertised. not currently working. big dreams of opening his own brewery- which is cool, if he had a personality to go with it. the date lasted approximately 45 minutes to an hour, and it was filled with awkward questions, back and forth, no real flow to the conversation. the best thing about it was the fig salad i had with my glass of pinot gris. next.

sunday i had first date #2, we can call him the Turk because he's Turkish- something i did not realize until he called me tell me he was running late. i'm not really into foreign guys, especially ones who are half an hour late and then say 'thats how things are in my country'. really? cause that's kind of rude. five minutes is one thing, 30 is another. plus, he had that somewhat creepy lack of personal space knowledge, and stared a little too intensely and skeeved me out. next.

tonight: paramedic. since i haven't met him yet i'll give you what i know. i think he's 28, looks cute. lives in the graduate hospital area. kept giving me his phone number in our email conversations, which i promptly ignored because i don't like initiating phone contact with strangers. however, he asked me to text him b/c his email was 'broke up'. i don't know what that means, but i figured, fine. so earlier today i texted him to determine our meeting place. after texting back and forth two or three times, he says 'can you email me? this phone is no good for texting'. seriously? get it together buddy- which one is it- email or text? however this time he asked me to email his personal account. want to know the email address? megabuttface@blahblah.com. MEGABUTTFACE.

this is what happens when you meet people on the internet people. you end up having drinks with a boring hopeful unemployed man, an intense turkish guy, and a megabuttface paramedic.

three strikes and i am out.

voices from the deep...of my tv

i realized recently why companies hire celebrities to do voice-overs during their commercials. there is something comforting about a recognized voice. it makes your ears perk up, makes you feel comfortable and trusting. i realized this during a mazda commercial. i have a soft spot in my heart for mazdas because i learned to drive on a mazda millenia (dark green) and i loved that car. i also think the new mazda 3's are cute. and do you know who does the voice-overs for mazda? patrick dempsey. mcdreamy himself. (or as i still like to remember him- ronny in 'can't buy me love'). i love his voice. its calming and sexy and inviting. i would honestly think about buying a mazda if frank the tank ever died. (god forbid).

you know who else i recognized in one of the few commercials i happened upon recently? jim from the office. i can't help referring to him like that- because i love jim, and i think john krasinski should be like jim in real life (how can he not be?). and ever since he got engaged to emily blunt i refer to him strictly as 'jim from the office' because the thought of him getting married in real life irks me. i'm irrational. move on. anyways, jim does verizon commercials. i'm a tmobile girl myself, but i always listen to jim's voice during verizon commercials- these days it's that one where the family is on a cruise and the girl is surprised to see her dad relax. if you don't know what i'm talking about...well, good for you, you probably have more hobbies that don't involve the tv. anyway- jim's voice- smooth.

but the smoothest of the smooth, the grand pooba of good voices, i would listen to this man read the phone book: george clooney. as far as i know he doesn't shill any product in tv commercials, but good lord if he ever did i might go back to watching live tv. i don't usually go for older men, but it was his voice that really got me involved with george in my dreams. and involved we are. put on a george clooney movie: like maybe, the scene with julia roberts in the bar in oceans 11. or maybe out of sight (with j lo- in case you don't know your clooney movies), or maybe even an old episode of ER. close your eyes and listen to that man whisper. then swoon appropriately.

yes, my friends, a voice is a powerful thing. if i can't have a deep-voiced celebrity, maybe i should marry a radio personality?







*for those of you who are interested: i made it to the gym yesterday! i was going to go today after work but got home kinda late and decided to settle for sit-ups and baking banana bread. 90 in 90 still in tact!

babies, ben and bullock

quite the interesting saturday.

i had some plans. i was going to be productive. i woke up just after 9, and was out of the house headed to cvs for some wrapping paper and random things at 11. unfortunately, cvs didn't have what i wanted and i left feeling very unsatisfied (which is unusual for cvs. they usually come through for me and i spend too much money on fun things i never knew i needed). this seems to have thrown off my day- as i was then very unproductive and ended up being late for audria's baby shower at 1.

speaking of- i spent my afternoon at audria's baby shower! she's expecting twins in june! it's all very exciting, and i think it was only the second baby shower i've ever been to. two of audria's sisters were there- and they are very nice (much like audria herself). i kind of want to be like her sister jane. she seems very creative and put together and mature. sometimes i meet people that i admire without really knowing them, and i feel like i want to be more like them. actually, my friend jane from college is also one of those people. she's smart and funny and everyone loves her immediately. maybe there's something about people named jane...

anyway. baby shower. it was fun, we snacked, decorated onesies, watched small children of various ages play- and then felt so tired i thought i needed a nap! aren't kids supposed to run out of energy at some point? that didn't happen. i was tired, the kids kept playing. i ended up walking around south street and did some window shopping and spoke to katie on the phone. she's due in two weeks! all the baby stuff made me think to check in on her (she's doing well, by the way). but then i came home and it was already after 6 and i felt like not really doing anything. i tried to motivate myself to go to the gym, i really did. but it just didn't happen. it would appear that the gym thing is going to be hard. as much as i want to lose weight and i really don't mind working out- getting there is like 3/4 of the battle. blah.

so just when i thought my night was going to be a useless waste of normalcy (me on the couch)- ben called to see what i was up to! and he rescued my night! we went to run some late night errands in south philly. i investigated new digital cameras at best buy (surprisingly, i think i'm leaning towards a nikon coolpix, or a sony cybershot).
we then headed to ikea where ben bought a new kitchen table and chairs. we got there 20 minutes before closing, so it was speed shopping. but it was fun! i almost broke his table when it fell out of the weird cart i was pushing, and we wanted to leave out the entrance b/c his car was closer to that door- but that area was closed, so we slipped under the partition and i unlocked and pushed open the automatic doors. for a second i thought we might get arrested, but an ikea employee saw me and didn't say anything- so we just ran for it. i found this incredibly amusing.

we then went to chickfilet- or as ben calls it- jesus chicken. i have never experienced the jesus chicken before, and it was quite tasty. i found that i really liked the french fries. they were like real potatoes! and the nuggets were cute and little- and a reasonable portion. overall, i give jesus chicken a thumbs up.

our last stop of the night was target, one of my favorite stores on earth. i was there on wednesday buying baby stuff for audria, but tonight was just for me. i spent $40 on things like hand soap, picture frames, black and white tank tops, and 'girls just wanna have fun' on dvd. overall very good purchases. i'm quite pleased. while we were there we also ate ikea dark chocolate- which was better than i expected. :) ben just makes me laugh. i love that we talk about random things that i don't think to talk to other friends about. like zits and men and condoms. he's honest with me, and i really appreciate that. and i feel like i laughed a lot tonight, which is always a plus.

and now- now i'm watching the proposal. what is not to love about this movie? i love sandra bullock, always have- always will. and ryan reynolds? delicious. seriously, i want to lick honey from his chest. but really, i wanted to watch this movie tonight because i love sandra bullock and i want to support her at this difficult time in her life. jesse james is a stupid asshole. and i want to be sandra bullock (and jennifer garner, but that's a whole other story), so i'm watching the proposal- and damn it- i'm enjoying it.

and just like that, i had a nice little saturday night. who knows? maybe tomorrow i'll even make it to the gym!

one day at a time

i made it! i bet some of you thought i was going to fail before i even got going. i would be included in that group. things are busy. this is going to be hard. however, i've gotten a lot of really nice support. so thanks, guys. i'm going to stick with it!

here's a rule i just came up with though: if i post something after midnight (like for instance, it's now 11:29 but depending on how long this takes it may not go up til 12:02) then it still counts for today- friday april 9th- because it was friday when i started the post. and i'm one of those people who doesn't count the day change until i go to bed and then wake up to a new day.
plus, this is my project. so i get to make the rules. got that? ok.

now, earlier this evening i already found myself saying "what if i run out of things to write about. what if i have nothing to say". i will point out that this is day 2 of this experiment (pathetic). i'm already overwhelming myself into disappointment. thankfully, i was out at mimi's fake bachelorette party and she told me "you're an addict. you have to go one day at a time".
touche, mimi.

so here i am.
*(for some reason the song 'take me the way i am' from rent just popped into my head. this is very random considering i hardly ever think about the show rent anymore, because it's no longer 1996)*


...friday nights are always interesting. i'm usually tired from the week, especially this week because we got really busy at the end there...but there's also some excitement for the 48 hours of totally free time ahead of you. it's like- it's friday! we get 2 whole days off! i wonder what i will do with this freedom! i, of course, usually end up watching a movie on my couch and staying up way too late just because i can. dicking around the apartment and moving things around in the spirit of 'cleaning up'. and then i sigh because i am very relaxed but totally antisocial.

not today though! no. today was an unusually busy friday at work- i actually left 10 minutes late (a rarity for me on a friday) and had to haul ass home to find a parking spot and run over to my wax appointment, where i shmoozed with my waxer/bff jenne and then hightailed it to roosevelt's for mimi's shindig. (wow, that was a lot of tacky words in one run-on sentence). we proceeded to go out and have a few beers, played some erotic photo hunt, got some pizza, learned about native americans in minnesota and was still home in time to get this blog done on time! seriously- what an exciting friday! (and did you know that lincoln hanged somewhere between 8 and 12 native americans in the twin cities? neither did i- thanks liz!)

and the best part about it is i still have 2 more days for fun and relaxation! glorious! oh, and the weather cooled down again so i can sleep with the window open and revel in the amazingly cool breeze while i'm snuggled under my blanket. also glorious....i hope some of you can do the same.

2 days down, 88 to go! :)

90 in 90

hello again. or should i say 'we meet again', dear readers/great white ether. its april 2010. i had intended to start writing more religiously with the start of the new year. but you know, shit happens, and then blink- its already april. i missed a whole quarter of the year. whoops.

well, that's why i'm here. i had an epiphany tonight. aided by marc banks, my favorite former resident of south hempstead, i have decided to do something called '90 in 90'. if you're an addict, you know what this means. in the D+A field (that is drug and alcohol, for all you laypeople), 90 in 90 means going to 90 meetings in 90 days. or- one a day. it supposedly helps with sobriety and provides a support system for someone who is newly sober or going through a rough patch in their sobriety.
so- how does this fit into my life, you ask? good question.

as i was walking home from another unsuccessful and surprisingly boring date, i called marc banks to discuss the sorry state of my life. at one point i had dreams. goals. ambitions. and i remember what they are! in fact, i still have them from time to time! my problem? self discipline. as in, i have none. zero. zilch. nada. i may set totally realistic goals for myself - but inevitably i give up and move on to the next thing. it's like i'm ADD about my life.

for example- i want to lose 10 lbs. this is a totally reasonable and realistic goal. i have been officially 'losing 10 lbs' since march 1st. i've lost zero pounds. (but i havent gained any either- so i consider this a small victory. and no, i'm not asking for your opinion). i'm not giving up on this goal just yet. in fact, i think i'm slowly dedicating myself too it each day. for instance, tonight i actually decided NOT to go get gelato with Ben like we usually do on thursdays (sorry ben). this was after my decision to regain some semblance of self-discipline though, so i couldn't exactly rededicate myself to a goal and then go and eat gelato now could i? also, before my date tonight i ate a brownie and a weight watchers ice cream pop and called it dinner. so eating gelato after the fact just seemed....gross.

another example- i want to be more of a writer. i think i have a personality that may lend itself to.....self-centered essays. or you know, writing about life. (hence this blog, hellooooo) not that i want to only write about myself. i just want to practice writing in general. get better at it, do it more regularly, see if i can figure out a way to translate it into more of a productive and maybe one day lucrative hobby. i've had this idea for a while. months, years, whatever. i told myself when the new year started i'd blog more regularly and just see how i felt about it. and look what day it is? I MEAN SERIOUSLY, i need help.

anyway, i digress. the point is- self discipline. i continually disappoint myself by not following through on goals or activities i want to try because i get lazy and ridiculous. i justify sitting on the couch and zoning out from the world. not cool diana, not cool.

and it's going to stop. today. well, i'm hoping to take baby steps anyway, starting right now. i am going to do my own version of 90 in 90. i am going to kick my addiction to laziness and my inability to follow through on personal goals. and i'm hoping somewhere along the way i will learn a little bit about myself and maybe feel a little better about my abilities as a productive human being.

so here goes: from today, april 8, 2010 until july 8, 2010 i will either write or work out (or both) everyday. i mean it. i can do this. i can. people beat addictions and find time to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. as marc banks told me earlier: "if president obama can find an hour a day to work out, i can find an hour and a half 4 times a week....". right. what he said.

as my reward, marc banks told me he will come visit me the weekend i finish in july! and you know, incentives really help boost my motivation. (i have also said i'm not buying any new clothes until i lose weight. a statement i regret saying almost weekly- and one that has resulted in an increase in jewelry purchases since march 1st) i came home from the park, where i had that fateful phone converastion, and spent 2 1/2 hours watching tv (ok so that's not proving my point- but read on). i was tired, and i wanted to just go to bed. but i did manage to turn down gelato and not eat any evening snacks. i figured 'marc won't really care if i start tomorrow, will he? or saturday?' and then i was brushing my teeth and thinking "i can't let marc down. i promised him i'd start this today" but more than that- this is for ME. and i have to stop thinking it's ok to let myself down. it's not. if you want to get better, you have to make a change. and just like michael jackson- i'm starting with the (wo)man in the mirror.

so 90 in 90 starts......now.