blahday

i came back to philly late last night- to avoid sunday traffic on a holiday weekend, and have the day to get things done and relax. instead, i woke up in a bad mood. i stayed in bed all morning and only got out of bed just before 2 to go to the gym. i realized it was nice out, probably for the last time in a while- so i showered and went out to run some errands.

i procured larry's christmas present, and a new bath mat. i then went to wegman's, where i was pleasantly surprised to find that my favorite dark chocolate covered raisins were back in the bulk candy aisle. this perked up my day a bit. sad, but true. i got some gyuza and a spicy tuna roll and came on home to settle in for the night.

and here i am- sunday night and feeling restless. i called overstock.com about the damaged bed frame they sent me. i updated my facebook picture. i watched the end of reality bites on one of my many movie channels. i gave in and texted pete when i was supposed to be waiting for him to initiate some kind of conversation. so now i'm feeling guilty and restless. and there's nothing to watch on tv. and i should be doing schoolwork, but i'm sick of class (with only 2 weeks left to go!) i keep thinking about going ice skating, and finishing my christmas shopping. i think about movies i want to see, friends i want to spend time with. but i feel down. i dont want to go to work tomorrow. i don't want to deal with my coworkers. i just want to hide in my office until christmas.

i was supposed to go on a date today, but i never heard back from the designated date. greg, is his name. or was- perhaps he died. and i dont really even care. today, dating seems like a chore. i know i should have a better attitude about it. maybe i will tomorrow. but dating, particularly online dating, is annoying. it's not natural or fluid. and it doesn't make me feel happy or excited. which honestly, is what you should feel like before you go on a date. and it's not low-self esteem making me feel like this. i know i'm a good date. i'm somewhat attractive and fun and talkative when i need to be. i think i'm easy to get to know, and definitely easy to spend a few hours with. i just don't care right now. because i feel blah. and it's times like this i wish i had someone i had already gone through the whole 'dating' thing with, and could just be comfortable with and have around. that would make me feel happier than the idea of dating. and then i could get into my giant queen-sized bed with lots of fluffy pillows and not feel so blah.

lifetime movie syndrome

for kelly.

it's almost thanksgiving. time seems to be flying by. and i am slowly turning into a cat lady. well, at least that's how it feels today. in reality my life is busy and...i don't know. fine. pretty good.

so i'm getting a new bed. updating from a full to a queen! very exciting. my dad came down yesterday, and we went to sleepy's- where i was accosted about my status as a single woman by the lady working there. you usually don't see ladies working in mattress stores. but there she was, asking me if i 'sleep alone'. rub it in lady. in your skirt business suit. telling me i can come back for a second pillow when i get a boyfriend. thanks lady. thanks. anyway it's being delivered on wednesday. with a free set of sheets and a pillow thrown in, perhaps to apologize for making me wear a sandwich board that says 'single' while in the store. and i'm excited about it.

work was fine. i'm getting sick of it. but honestly, it's not so bad. i'm just itchy for a change. some time off for the holidays will be good.

the best part of my day was when i received not one, but two phone calls from friends i was waiting to hear from. and it was so nice getting to catch up with them! katie, who is pregnant, is finding out the sex of the baby tomorrow!! and she's coming to visit in three weeks! and it's all just very exciting! i'm so excited to just be able to talk to her and hang out without goon around (no offense goon). but it's going to be cool.

then i caught up with jared- who's life is sadly not as exciting as the doctors on grey's anatomy- but he is much cooler than those characters anyway. one of the things i love about jared is that he just knows me. i can tell him all these embarrassing stories and complain about my love life and just life- and he gets it. and its nice. comforting and nice.

which brings me to my current position- on the couch, with gizmo, my cat, at my side. watching a lifetime movie that i dvr'd last night. in my defense, it's staring michelle pfeiffer and ashton kutcher. but come on, it's still a lifetime movie. which brings me one step closer to actually becoming the cat lady i'm afraid of becoming. thankfully the rest of my week looks to be more promising.

i think i need to make some changes in my life.

game on

hurray!

so that hurray is for a few things: the phillies are in the world series! they won game 1! i'm going out tonight to watch game 2! i get to eat wings! tomorrow is friday!

as you can see, lots of things to be excited about.

and i think that's what i'm going for right now. i've been feeling crazy and mess and unhappy lately. and i keep thinking that i want to change that, but i dont know how. well. today was a crazy day and i had to work late and didn't get to finish some things i wanted to do. yet i'm in a good mood. because of all those things up there with exclamation points behind them. it's like john cusack said in 'say anything' (which i read in EW is 20 this year!)- "how hard is it to just decide to be in a good mood, and be in a good mood?" i'm going with it john. or should i say lloyd. dobler. one of the greatest male movie characters ever.

i am looking for a dare to be great situation. it's out there- somewhere.

the phillies are looking for one too. lets go phils!

clockwork

ever since my birth control pill became a generic i've had pms like clockwork. seriously. its crazy. i watched 'how i met your mother' (last week's episode maybe?) where ted is teaching barney about robin, and he puts up that picture of her mad where her nostrils are flaring. i feel like i look like that. i'm a mess and i'm angry and moody and i don't even want to be around myself.

so i'm apologizing to anyone i came in contact with or maybe will come in contact with in the near future. really, i'm sorry. i will be back to normal shortly.
i feel like veda sultenfuss (i shouldn't have to name this movie) when she says "and don't come back for five to seven days!". although with this very same pill, it's really more like 3 or 4 days. have to take the good with the bad i guess.

and i should apologize to my grief counseling professor as well, because i have this paper due sunday night, and man oh man is it not getting done. I have written a page, and not even a good page at that. Looks like it's gonna be a loooooong weekend.

my summer, in summary

so. kind of left you hanging there for a moment (or a few months). sorry about that. things got busy. wanna see?

So arielle got married- these are some of my favorite pictures from the night! it was the perfect night-

weather was amazing, food was delicious, company was legendary. :) and by now, arielle and ben are over 4 months happily married!

Next up was my Hamilton 5-Year reunion. I can't believe it has been five years, but alas, it was. and it definitely was a time....

it was amazing seeing lissa and celine and staying in our own little suite on the dark side. not that we spent much time there... we were too busy getting chauffered around by cab hamilton (a soon to be senior math a music major who drove us around on his golf cart all weekend). because thats how alums should be treated...

The end of june brought a week-long cruise to Alaska w/ the Ransom family. God i love the Ransom family. we played a lot of cards and word games, as well as, you know- sightseeing around Alaska. which is beautiful, by the way. insanely beautiful:










this is in juneau and yukon territory. big in the gold rush in the 1800s (i'm embarassed that i can't remember the exact years)



And to the left here are glaciers from glacier bay. a whole day of staring at this right in front of my eyes. i actually had tears at some point because it was so beautiful. Probably the most memorable thing about the trip. I totally suggest going to alaska if you get the chance.

Let's see- next I think was my mom's birthday trip to Lancaster. She wanted to go antiquing, Arielle and I obliged:
we like to take pictures with cows...











ummm what else. right, that leads us to autumn's bachelorette party! the final weekend before labor day- there was alcohol, penis straws, and a lovely scavenger hunt list...mostly though there were some pretty ladies....


So that about wraps up my summer! i think you are all up to speed.


of course, there's the whole pete situation to explain, but that's another story for another night.

WANTED

Single male, age 26-30ish. Interested in relationship, starting out casual with potential to become more serious. Must have a college education and be currently employed. Have friends and interests of their own. It would help if you're not intimidated by educated and talkative women. Sense of humor a must. Enjoy good food and wine, movies, good conversation. Not afraid to make the first move.

Do not bother if you have: commitment issues, crazy ex girlfriend issues, mommy issues, are afraid of sexual contact, only interested in friendship, a serious mental illness.

Serious Inquiries Only.

coming soon

so this has been a busy few weeks. first there was the bachelorette party, then this past weekend arielle went and got herself married. there are pictures and stories to be shared, i just haven't had time to fully organize myself. stay tuned. i'm hoping to get something posted before this weekend's 5 year Hamilton reunion. oy.

kris 'dreamy' allen

i freaking love kris allen. i'm glad he won american idol, although adam would have been good too. but i've loved kris the whole season. if you don't believe me you can check my itunes, cause i've downloaded like 5 of his songs. and i never download idol performances.

last night i had a dream that kris and i fell in love. it was totally cushy and random and crazy. i wish i could say it was a raunchy sex dream, but it wasn't. apparently my brain can't even fathom me having sex anymore (sad) yet falling in love w/ kris was no stretch of the imagination. we were like, hanging out in my apartment talking in my dream. and that was it. warm butterflies, total devotion. it was hysterical. i woke up and actually giggled. perhaps tonight i'll get to round 2 of the dream, and there will be less clothing involved.....

sadly, he's married. at 23. although his wife is adorable, and i loved the moment when she got up on stage w/ him at the end of the show and they hugged. she is the luckiest girl ever. :)

neighborhoody

something weird happened to me today. well, i suppose i should start from the beginning. i had a good weekend, but i've been spending too much time alone. i went all weekend basically by myself, (because i refuse to count the washing machine repair lady)- and i'm totally ok with that, except that it has been happening a lot lately, and the effects are starting to show. i don't do well with prolonged isolation. i get sad and lonely and depressed. exhibit a- i bought 4 pairs of earrings on sunday. pure sign of me needing to be around more people. i like the earrings, but i fall into the popular category of spending money to make myself feel better. a bad habit, i might admit.

so i called my mother on monday. something i'm also used to doing when i feel sad and isolated (among other reasons...i talk to her a lot). i promptly announced that while i knew i'd be here for at least another year, i was 'kind of done' with philadelphia. she was supportive and gave me a brief lecture about joining groups like i was in need of high school extra curriculars. hey, she tried.

and then today, work was super busy. my boss was in 'let's give diana extra work so i don't have to do it' mode, and i had lots of people to see and paperwork to do and little down time. so the day went by fast. after work i did something new and different- went out with coworkers. i am shy. i am not super friendly with my coworkers, but this nice nutritionist bethany is leaving tomorrow to move to san fransisco w/ her new doctor husband for his residency. so she organized a bowling outing for people from work tonight. i, i have to admit, like bowling. if it was like 'oh we're going to a bar' i most likely would have passed. but bowling? i can bowl (kind of). and my large feet certainly look fantastic in bowling shoes. and they were going to this bowling alley i'd never been to in northern liberties- so i listened to the voice of autumn in my head saying " you should go and be social. you aren't making new friends on your couch" and i thought 'ok autumn, you are probably right. i need to get out a little more. this would be a nice way to get to know my coworkers more'. and i WENT.
even more than that- i drove up to northern liberties, and when i got there, i completely fell back in love with philadelphia. because that's the thing. philadelphia is a very neighborhoody city. it's like a bunch of fun different cities, rolled into one. well, whatever you know what i mean. and i'd heard good things about northern liberties, but it looks so cool! there are all these cool looking restaurants and bars! and organic food stores! and hipster looking people! and this funky little bowling alley where it only costs $7 a game and they serve tater tots. you heard me. tater tots. what's not to love about a neighborhood like this?

so i went, and bowled a game (57), and mingled with coworker, laughed a bit, ate some tots. and came home. and i was happy.

i then watched american idol at the gym, and by the way i got these new gym pants over the weekend at old navy and i am obsessed with them. i even kind of like the way i look in them. and they're spandex-y. so they must be magical. and as for american idol, i know everyone says adam is going to win b/c he's the best. but i've always been a kris allen fan. he makes me want to make out every time i see his adorable face. and i thought adam sucked at the last song, which is horrible btw (ahem, kara dioguardi) and kris did better at it even though he forgot some words and it was high for him. but they both had strong moments in their other songs. so i honestly don't know how that's going to turn out. but i'm excited for tomorrow!

and to top off my day, i watched 'glee'. and FELL IN LOVE WITH IT, CAUSE IT'S THE BEST SHOW EVER. i'm sorry, songs about high school choirs rock. not like i can think of any predecessors, but it should be a given. and doing journey's 'don't stop believing'? genius. genius. i think i may download it on itunes to watch when i need a pick me up.

so, after today i'm kinda thinking maybe i'm not done with philadelphia after all. after all i haven't explored all the neighborhoods, or gone on enough awkward dates, or eaten enough cheesesteaks, or figured out what the fuck the rest of my life is gonna look like.
and i have plenty of time for all that.

lovely piece

i'm sorry. i know i've been gone a long time. i don't have a very good excuse. i've been busy? but honestly, i've been meaning to write. and tonight is the night- because things are getting crazy.

first of all, my sister is getting married in a month. we're at the sprint to the finish line. for me this means going to the gym whenever possible to try and lose this 4 lbs (where did you come from?) and keeping my sister calm when she has anxiety dreams about gift baskets.
technically, i'm not doing much for the actual wedding. so it's not my stress. but dealing with my family surrounding the wedding, that is stressful. a few months ago i got so frustrated i actually called my mother bridezilla. to her face.

and then there's work. today was not a good day. i've come to expect that my days depend on the weather. nice weather = busy day. rain or slightly crappy weather = i should make sure and have plenty of reading materials. so today, rainy in the morning, kind of chilly. i only saw 2 clients. i had a chronic headache, i got into an argument with a guy at lunch about societal gender roles. (i tried not to get involved, i really did. but he kept insisting i discuss the necessity of a man 'protecting' me and deserving something in return- protecting me from what? i kept asking. i still don't understand). i was then told that with the swine flu outbreak, the clinic is expecting some cases. they don't want to bring these people with 'flu like symptoms' all the way into the clinic (even though they will be in the waiting area, infecting everyone else while they wait) so they are using the BEHAVIORAL HEALTH offices, right next to the front door, as the triage rooms. the regular triage room is 2 doors down from me. that's apparently too far. they don't want the germs to permeate. instead they want the germs in mine and jake's offices, where we sit everyday and see clients. oh, they'll clean though- with a can of lysol. they will go in and inspect the patients with gloves and a SARS mask, then spray some lysol and send us in there- sans mask. sans gloves. basically they're trying to give me the swine flu in time for arielle's wedding. did i mention that's in a month?

then, after a nice interlude of watching 'lost' with mimi, i call my aunt for her birthday and am updated on the latest case of family craziness. 'arielle is stressing herself out with the wedding' 'your mother hates the music she picked to walk down the aisle to' 'she thinks it's depressing jesus music' (we're jews. we don't do jesus. or bach, apparently). my mother, in all her glorious passive aggressiveness, sent arielle an email. the subject said "Bach" the email consisted of two words: lovely piece.
obviously this means she hates it. arielle forwarded it to me, and asked me if i had anything to do with this. like i cause her craziness! no. i have not had a converstaion with our mother about the music, because i would have told her she was insane. but arielle thought maybe mom was 'trying' to be supportive b/c i talked to her. instead, she's trying to not so subltey say she hates it. there are no trumpets, after all. and arielle needs to walk down the aisle to trumpets. probably with footmen trailing behind her to hold her train or something. wearing powdered wigs. or actually playing the trumpets!
my sister and i of course were like crying laughing so hard about this. among all the other craziness going on right now.

but i can't handle this. i've got to worry about keeping the swine flu at bay. and finishing planning the bachelorette party. and trying to get to the gym. and you know, staying sane.
so if you'll excuse me, i'm going to head to bed. and pretend today didn't happen.

and the bach really is a lovely piece. too bad it's banned from the wedding.

adventurelust

i have realized recently that there is something really nice about friday nights. i never really cared one way or another before. but really, friday nights are wide open. you can do anything, go anywhere, stay up however late- with the knowledge that you have 2 full days in front of you. for some reason, i've really begun to appreciate that lately.

of course, i usually end up doing nothing on fridays- bumming around, seeing a movie, watching a movie, reading, generally spending time in my sweat pants. but hey, that's my choice. it still feels wide open, the night actually seems longer. and i usually do stay up later. just because i can.

today i left work a little early. i came home to change, and headed to target, where i bought a new top (target is a good place for basic clothes, cause they're cheap) and some budget cereal and granola bars. i then headed over to the movie theatre next door and saw 'Adventureland'. i knew pretty much from the first time i saw the preview that i was going to see this movie. it was right up my alley, and not just because we have an adventureland on long island (i dont know if i ever actually went there), but because i am a sucker for movies about post collegiate lost-ness and relationships. the movie was great. not exactly what you expect either, there are some surprises. but i enjoyed it. not to ruin it, but it ends (well, almost) with a scene in the rain, a guy waiting for a girl on her steps. she comes home and finds him there. surprise! this also happened in one tree hill this week (oops, i just admitted i watch one tree hill...), and i recognized that i am not the type of girl who has people waiting on her doorstep. this makes me a little sad, both because i know things like that don't happen in real life, and because i'm the type of person to do them. to a boy, of course. because i like to pretend life is like tv/movies. a natural side effect of watching way too many movies/tv shows growing up. not that i've done that lately, i'm just saying. sad.

i also noticed something else on my way home. i only saw one movie. friday night, plenty of movies out, i had the popcorn, and i left after one movie. truth be told, it's been a little while since i've seen a double feature. i just haven't been in the mood. what is happening to me? i am the queen of double features! this made me think of something i remembered someone saying once (wow, vague much?). the moment you felt like an adult. no- this was not necessarily one of those moments. but i thought about this, and i feel like there isnt' maybe one moment. not for me anyway. adulthood comes in steps. sometimes they wax and wane like the moon. one of my moments, silly as it may sounds, was when i started blow drying my hair. on a regular basis. i went 25 years without blowdrying my hair on a regular basis, and the results have been some boring and some wacky hairdos. but having some control over my hair made me feel more grown up. and have nicer hair. perhaps slowing down my double features is a sign of change.

change that i am still waiting for, that i don't know how to make happen because i don't know what kind of change i want it to be exactly. but i find that when life is good, or 'fine', i feel monotonous and want to do something new. is this weird? am i incapable of just enjoying a good and stable life? maybe. but i'm not yearning for instability, just something new to think about, experience, etc. and spending 4-5 hours in a movie theatre isn't cutting it right now. but just under 2 hours for a movie about feeling lost and found at the same time, that was alright.

thunderstorms and other thoughts

they have been predicting a thunderstorm all week. rain, showers, mist, storms. but really the weather wasn't too bad. it was misty yesterday, but nowhere near as bad as they said. then today, after my wonderful day of shopping/errands/relaxing, the storm came. it was brief, but fantastic.
i love thunderstorms- the intense kind where the sky turns green and the raindrops are huge and pounding. you can hear the crack of the lightning and thunder, and then within minutes it's gone.
i had this memory today, during the thunderstorm. i thought about people who hate thunderstorms, and was wondering if gizmo was afraid, and i remembered why i love them. When i was younger, in our old house, my mom had this porch off her bedroom. it had old, creaky furniture- and as time went by we hardly went out there. but when we were young, one day, my mom took us to sit out there during a storm. I think there was a hurricane watch or something, but man, was it storming. we sat on the creaky couch, and she wrapped us up in a blanket as we watched the storm. she made it safe and interesting and special. we sat and watched the sky as the wind and rain swirled around us. and it was awesome.

in other news, things are going well. i'm almost done w/ the god delusion- finally. i'm ready to move on to some good fiction. and it's almost april! time is movingly along shockingly fast. which is a good thing i guess. i'm feeling pretty good, although i could use some more gym time (and maybe some more motivation) and less snacking before this wedding. i've recently become obsessed w/ trail mix- and i make my own from various mixings at wegmans- namely almonds, craisins, raisins, walnuts and chocolate covered raisins. yum. i seem to think this is good for me and i can eat it by the pound. in reality, moderation is key. but hey, i'm still working on it. thats what april is for.
also- i realize that i watch a lot of tv. like, a lot. and i have some thoughts i wanted to share on some of my shows. because, well, just because. ok so american idol- scott blind guy macintire needs to go. yes fine, he's talented for a blind piano player/singer, but he ain't that talented, and he's annoying. also annoying? the fact that they lip synced their group number from last week. lame. oh also- megan joy corkrey? get the hell outta there too. your 'quirky' vocal stylings are not to my liking and i think you're dumb. please leave. i love matt giraud and anoop, and david gokey, although really gokey- tone down the smug attitude. you're a good singer, not michael jackson. work at it a little. oh and can we take off alison's bottom braces please? or hello- ivisiline? you're on tv. i know you're 16- but come on.
moving onto more positive thoughts, saving grace on tnt is an awesome show, and i think everyone should check it out. holly hunter is amazing. she deserves lots of awards. although she is a bit skinny. also- heroes, not so bad this season, if you've stopped watching it cause it sucked, you might want to revisit. and if you want a good new show, try 'lie to me' on fox wednesdays. its cool. and tim roth is really good in it. another thing, grey's anatomy is getting interesting w/ the whole 'izzy being sick' thing. i almost cried last week. it's been a while since that show made me tear up. although i kind of hope they kill her, but they probably won't. i also like owen hunt and his ptsd symptoms. i like shows that can educate the public about real issues that i am interested in. even if it's grey's anatomy. and finally, how i met your mother is still my favorite comedy, it should be yours too, please watch friday night lights on friday for your health and mine, and greek is starting tomorrow night (on abc family), if that's your thing. ok- those are my thoughts on tv. phew.

i got this new nail color today- plum seduction. i think i'm obsessed with it. i hope the weather stays nice this week so i can wear a dress. i love spring dresses. crap, i'm way too wired to go to bed. guess i'll go pound out some god delusion to make me tired. enjoy the rest of your sunday. it was a good one.

Antsy in my Pantsy

I'm restless. I feel like this more often than I should, i guess. But i just get bored and want something to happen. something to make me think, something to make me feel. something to make me move. just something. and i started to get that feeling today at work.
my mom says it's because when my brain isn't doing anything i get like this. perhaps she is right. i don't like to admit those things.

see, i created a new life plan. i call it my 3 year plan, but it could conceivably be done in 2 years. after some long hard thinking, i've decided not to go and get my PsyD. (although I was accepted into Immaculata's program) It's just not for me. I don't want to commit the next five years of my life to working my ass off in school and with a full time job, to get a degree that won't change my life. So instead, i'm going to change my life. Not like, right now or anything, but in the long run. The plan is to get my clinical license (LCSW) over the summer, and ask for a raise (and probably get turned down for said raise). In the fall I will enroll in one or two classes at Chestnut Hill college in trauma studies. They have a trauma studies certificate program that is only 6 classes, and i should be able to complete it in a year or so, while working. It's a much cheaper and more to the point option of furthering my training and education. Then i'll look for a job working with veterans with PTSD. After doing that for a while, i'll re-evaulate and maybe leave philly, or come up with a new plan.
so that's it.

i like my plan. the trouble is, it's still march. and the plan doesn't really go into effect for a few months. so what to do until then? tread water. that's what. and treading water makes me restless. i'm not even enjoying my latest book that much. i'm reading 'the god delusion' by richard dawkins. i went in with high hopes, but he seems to be hell bent on converting people to atheism, and that's not really my bag. and furthermore, i dont like feeling defensive about my beliefs, how small or irrational they may be. they're mine. so i'm basically reading the book for it's scientific facts and arguments, which are interesting at times. but i can't wait to move on to something else. kind of like with the rest of my life.

Recharging

So i've been gone for a bit. I was busy, then sick. And now i'm getting over my cold and things are going well so I thought it was time to return and share what i've been up to.

First things first- Marc Banks came to visit! It was very exciting, because in the three and a half years that i've lived here he's never come to visit before. (ahem). But he ventured down from Boston for a long weekend- and we had the Best. Time. Ever. Seriously.
Here's proof:
So, here's Marc posing at banana republic- he indulged me and tried on a lot of things. sadly, we left empty handed, but it was fun!

The picture of the two of us was in the back of autumn and aaron's car, when they graciously gave us a driving tour of the city at night.

Saturday morning (or afternoon...) we headed over to Reading Terminal so Marc could see Philly's version of Quincy Market. He enjoyed it.



Here we are in historic Philly. I'm serving up the Constitution center on a platter. Marc is really feeling Barry, behind Independence Hall. (for the record, i make most visitors do this pose for the camera. gotta love barry).





In other news, i've been hard at work reading books and tackling the Great Book Challenge of 2009. I finished Barack Obama's "The Audacity of Hope", which was interesting if maybe a little outdated given the current financial crisis and political landscape. I went on to read "The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox", which was originally recommended to me by my old co-worker Vanessa. It was very haunting and interesting, but kind of stopped short of being great.
This past weekend I did something unexpected, I got a library card! I was staring at my list of books, and didn't feel compelled to pick any of them up, so instead of giving in and buying a book (boooo bad) i went to the nearest branch of the Philadelphia public library and signed on up! I got out two books, David Sedaris "holidays on ice"- which i promptly read, and further solidified my apathy towards David Sedaris. I know people love him and he's supposedly amazing, which is why i picked up the book (also it was right in front of me on a shelf as i began to browse)- but it didn't really do it for me. So I went back to my pile and picked up "the Tao of Pooh", which was given to me by Kim for christmas- and surprisingly i really liked it. I wasn't sure how i would do with a book relating eastern philosophy to Pooh (one of my favorite childhood characters), but i really liked it, and it actually did a good job explaining Taoism. So i learned something to boot!
Finally, i'm reading my other library book- Steve Martin's "Born Standing Up". I really wanted to buy this book, because I recently heard that Steve Martin released an album of banjo music (which is good and i plan on buying), and it made me want to learn more about him. And i have to tell you, i haven't loved Steve Martin's comedy (i tend to shy away from overly goofy/visual props) but i looooooove his book. Seriously. it's awesome. He's incredibly smart and funny and you can hear him telling you his story, which makes it feel very intimate and cool. So- everyone go read the book! Whether you love his comedy or not.
Next up i'm returning back to my pile o' books to master "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. It's a doosy, but i'm excited to tackle it and see if i learn a little something. I'll let you know how it goes.

And most importantly, i'm headed to New York this weekend to hang out w/ Arielle and Keith and Glenn (happy birthday boys!) and the Jons, arielle's fun friends from England! So- cold be gone! I have more important things to do!

V-Day

As i'm sure you can guess, Valentine's day is not my favorite day of the year. I'm past the point of wearing black- I just kind of do my best to ignore it. I'm perpetually single, and to date my favorite Valentine's day has been with Kim when we were in high school (?)- we got dressed up, made chocolate covered strawberries and watched Sense & Sensibility. Don't ask me why we dressed up. It made us feel better. The memory still makes me feel happy. And actually, I had 2 chocolate covered strawberries tonight. It's a nice Valentine's tradition, for the non-valentines day celebration.

You know, in preparation for today, I read the Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler. It was both appropriate and on my list for the great book challenge, so I killed two birds with one stone. I read it 2 weeks ago, and it brought up some nice memories. Inevitably, the vagina monologues remind me of Hamilton, especially Laura, my feminist pro-vagina friend. (Not that i knew many people who were anti-vagina or anything.) We were in a performance of the vagina monologues our senior year at Hamilton. It happened to be a very trying time for me, and I found the experience to be therapeutic. I don't recall the name of my monologue (even though i recently re-read it), which i shared with two other girls. But i do remember my first line: "my vagina's angry. it is. it's pissed off". and at the time, it was. i was heartbroken and angry and feeling powerless and sad. and the vagina monologues helped me get some things off my chest, in front of a large group of people, by reciting some very serious, yet fun words, while wearing a pink boa. A yes, fond memories of V-Day that year. and Laura, my personal savior during that time. I probably never repaid her for that.

I can't believe February is half over. Time seems to keep flying by. My 5 year college reunion is in early June, the week after my sister gets married! This, of course, means I have to step up my gym routine to make sure I feel suitably thinnish for both occasions. But it's also just kind of weird to have such big events so close together. Lots to process. I don't even want to begin to think about it now.

Want to know what I did today? I got up, watched Friday Night Lights (sigh, the best show ever), went to the gym. Then I read a little, went grocery shopping, and made a trip to Pats for a cheesesteak. I had decided in advance that my Valentine's Day present to myself was a cheesesteak. I haven't had one in ages, and it was a guaranteed food orgasm. So I indulged, and it definitely lived up to the expectations. I also watched both my netflix movies, Vicky Christina Barcelona (one of my new favorite Woody Allen movies) and La Vie En Rose (depressing but impressive), went through my wardrobe and gathered a bag of clothes to donate, cleaned off my desk and dining room table of all the bills/mail/garbage, and cleaned my microwave (which was in desperate need of a good cleaning). Overall, i'd say I was quite productive, wouldn't you?

As for the Great Book Challenge: I read 'Loving Frank', by Nancy Horan. A truly wonderful book. I also read 'the Vagina Monologues', as i mentioned, by Eve Ensler. A quick read, and a good one. I'm now two chapters in to 'The Audacity of Hope' by our president- Barack Obama (written pre-presidency, of course). So far it's interesting, and makes me love him even more than i already did, which i didn't think was possible. I will continue to keep you posted- but so far i think i'm kicking this challenge's ass.

In any event, happy v-day to everyone. I hope you celebrated in any way you saw fit, and at least did something that made you smile.

PMShitty

PMS is a terrible thing. I know men joke about it as the reason all women are bitchy, but seriously- it sucks. and it's not something we can always control either. For instance, i thought that the pill would help my pms, and for the most part- it has. just not this month. no, for some reason, this month i've been filled with the feeling of dread that comes along with realizing you're pms-ing in a major way. i'm irritable, hungry all the time, tired, achey, lazy and feel like throwing a tantrum and flailing around on the floor. for no real reason. it's lovely. if i were in a relationship, i'm sure i would have picked a fight by now. but instead i'm just rude to my mom and not calling my sister back. i have little patience, least of all for myself. and it's not easy to irritate yourself all the time. there's no one to blame for that really. it's all your fault.

this week was very busy at work, which is a good thing- as it makes the days go by fast and i feel somewhat useful. we even had a snow day on wednesday! which was amazing and a nice rest, but by friday i was still itching for the day to end. so of course it crawled by like a drunk snail. and now it's sunday and the whole thing starts over again tomorrow. but hopefully i'll be in a better state of mind for it. pms can't last forever, right?

i'm excited for the superbowl, mainly because i associate it with eating not-so-healthy food. although, given the past week of eating i've had, i'm going to try and be good. i don't expect it to be a very exciting game, especially since the Eagles aren't in it- so i'm mainly watching for the commercials. hopefully there will be some good ones.

i got my first grad school interview letter this weekend! i have to call and set it up, but it looks like Immaculata University would like to interview me for their PsyD program. So that is exciting. what's not exciting is filling out my fafsa form, which i did today (the latest possible deadline) and wanted to pull my eyebrows out one by one, especially when my internet crashed just as i was about to finish the damn form. luckily it was easily restored and i didn't have to fill out the whole thing over again. i might have vomited out of pure anger. but that episode was avoided. thank god.

i'm now off to the gym to try and sweat my way into a better mood.
oh- and an update on the great book challenge of 2009- I've finished 'Outliers'- it was awesome. I really enjoy Gladwell's style of writing and I like how he always keeps things interesting by tying in all the randomest populations of people. It feel like good party trivia, things you can bring up in conversation and seem interesting. I bet Malcolm Gladwell is great at a party. He's actually speaking here in Philly Monday night, but I can't go :( maybe next time.
I'm almost done with 'The Boelyn Inheritance' by Philippa Gregory. It's really entertaining- but i love historical fiction. It tells the story of Henry VIII's 4th and 5th wives, told from their perspectives as well as the perspective of Jane Boelyn (George's wife/Anne's sister in law) who is a lady-in-waiting at court. And I don't know much about Henry's wives after Anney Boelyn, so I feel like i'm learning something- even if it's not all fact.
I haven't decided what book is next, but i'm thinking 'Loving Frank' by Nancy Horan. i'll let you know how it turns out...

The Great Book Challenge of 2009

Ok people. It's time to get serious. I spent 2008 collecting books faster than I could read them. It's time for that to end. I have vowed that I will not buy any more books until i've read all of the ones I already have. So behold- the great book challenge of 2009.

Below is the list of books i will be reading, in no particular order:

Guns, Germs and Steel- Jared Diamond
The Stranger- Albert Camus
Education's End (Why Our Colleges and Universities Have Given Up on the Meaning of Life)- Anthony Kronman
The God Delusion- Richard Dawkins
The Lost Continent- Bill Bryson
The Tao of Pooh- Benjamin Hoff
On Writing- Stephen King
The Boleyn Inheritance- Philippa Gregory (lent to me by my waxer, the greatest waxer ever)
Unaccustomed Earth- Jhumpa Lahiri
The Tales of the Beedle Bard- J.K. Rowling
Outliers (The Story of Success)- Malcolm Gladwell
The Vagina Monologues- Eve Enlser
The Audacity of Hope- Barack Obama
The Vanishing Act of Esme Lenox- Maggie O'Farrell
How I Learned to Cook (& Other Writings on Complex Mother Daughter Relationships)- Margo Perin
Special Topics in Calamity Physics- Marisha Pessl
Rescuing Patty Hearst (Memories from a Decade Gone Mad)- Virginia Holman
Loving Frank- Nancy Horan
The Killer Angels- Michael Shaara

Altogether, there are 19 books on this list. I'm hoping to get them all read by the summer, cause frankly- I don't think i'll be able to avoid buying books much past that. I've also decided I am allowed to borrow books, if i'm desperate for one in particular.
I think the first book i'm going to start- tonight, probably- will be Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. After the Twilight drama, i think i need some non-fiction. Plus, I love his other stuff.

Wish my luck, my friends. I'll keep you posted.

Oh, Leo

When I was younger, I was in love with Leonardo DiCaprio. Full on, thirteen year old love- which probably started before I was thirteen and definitely lasted longer than that. I saw Romeo and Juliet multiple times in the theater, Titanic even more. Once or twice I even threw him a birthday party- which consisted of my dragging my friends over to my house to watch some of him movies and revel in his wonderfulness. (btw his birthday is November 11th, veteran's day).
He was not my first love, just the most influential during my formative years. I was always a fan of dramatic love, for many reasons. I'm a girl- and not to make drastic generalizations here, but i'm a romantic. I want to believe in a deeper kind of love. Which brings me to my point.

I am someone who feels things....strongly. I've had this trait described as: opinionated, argumentative, feisty, 'overdramatic'/drama queen, and bitch. I prefer the term....passionate. I feel most alive when i'm feeling things deeply, or discussing them or fighting about them, etc. I'm not always right, god knows, but then it's not really about that, is it? The point is that this is a trait I actually like about myself, maybe even one of my favorites. When I die i'd like at least one person to be able to remember me as someone who felt passionately about life (certain parts of it, at least). And I realized something recently. I was afraid I had lost my passion.

Time went on, I stopped having birthday parties for Leonardo, and now only faintly nod my hat to him on Nov. 11th. I became more aware of his hit-or-miss acting, moved onto other celebrity crushes, attempted to find my own dramatic lover- failing miserably, and life just kind of kept moving. See, i'm at a place right now that's actually pretty good. I am happy- I don't feel any inkling of the depression that crept up on me a year or two ago. I'm relaxed, I have a good job, good friends, a good life- and even some semblance of a life plan (when i'm not panicking about it). But I think I let the passion go by the wayside. I noticed, or rather failed to notice, any real sense of inspiration. No 'pep in my step', you could say. Again, not depression, just a complacency with life and where i'm at. Normal people would be ok with this. It's safe to say i'm not always normal.

After Christmas I started reading the Twilight series. I know, I have mentioned this before. I quickly became obsessed, aquired all four books and read them til all hours of the night- going on fewer hours of sleep and spending all my free time in this make-believe world. And truthfully, it scared the crap out of me. I felt like I was thirteen again, and I feared I was regressing- but why? I was afraid to finish the series because I didn't want to miss the characters, but I also didn't want to let myself keep reading, because I realize that an obsession this intense is ridiculous. But is it? I went back to my therapist to get a grip on reality, and hear a dose of "you're being whiny and ridiculous and too hard on yourself". I talked about how I realized I was afraid I had lost this passion in my life, because these books brought it back so strongly. I kind of forgot what it was like to feel like that about something. And once I realized that's what it was, just my previously unchanneled passion finally regaining some ground in my subconcious (ok, and consciousness), I felt better about the whole thing. Frankly, it was a relief to realize I never lost that ability to feel so deeply. I think that in adjusting to my new job, where I hear so many feelings during the course of a day, I've been learning to compartmentalize as a defense mechanism (no one likes to bring their work home). I just forgot which compartment I left my own stuff in, and they collected dust for a little while. It appears I've found the key and re-opened that drawer, cause i'm now feeling everything a little bit more strongly. Nothing too outrageous, just a little jolt. And it feels much better. I was able to realize that i'm kind of bored at work- and I need to find things to make my life feel more like my life. I want to take this writing class through Temple (kind of like the architecture class I took last summer), and I'd like to start going out on dates again, although with whom is still a mystery (since Bob the pharmacist is MIA).

Also, I finished the Twilight series tonight. And it was good. I don't feel sad, because the series ended well. I didn't cry, like when Harry Potter ended, cause let's face it the Twilight books are no Harry Potter. And besides, I have piles of other books to get started on, and hopefully they'll continue to keep me interested and make me feel things, both good and bad. Cause that's what books and movies-all things entertainment- are supposed to do. And until I have more of my own passionate love stories and intellectual challenges, they'll have to do.

But it all comes back to Leonardo DiCaprio. Last weekend, he was at the Golden Globes with Kate Winslet. He lost, but she won- twice. She thanked him in her second speech, and I got all choked up (as did they), because damn, he is still quite good looking- and they seem to be genuine friends. And isn't it always nice when that happens? I saw Revolutionary Road today- the movie they are currently in together. It was depressing, but well done. He overacted at parts, but he still cries the same, and he is still fairly good at emoting. Kate Winslet was amazing, as per usual, but it was him I went to see. To say hello to my old crush, and wish him a belated happy birthday. Thanks for the memories, Leo.

Ok. We're seven days into the new year. I've already painted one wall in my apartment (its an accent wall, i'm not just being lazy), had one major freak out, talked myself out of said freak out, corrected my posture three times, and have become completely obsessed with the Twilight series (but bought no new books!). I'm kind of tired.

Here is my accent wall- i love it:

Good color, right? It's jalepeno red. Very warm and inviting.

And alright so Twilight? I don't know what happened... I saw the movie and got curious. The writing is not stellar, but I got drawn into the story, and find myself having to ration out the chapters so I don't finish the book before getting the next one (wink wink Kim- bring me the next one friday!) in any event- my obsession probably has to do with my lack of real life at the moment. but it's only seven days in- there's still time for me to salvage 2009. I think- so far, so good! or so ok at least.

Holiday Edition

Happy New Year!

So i've been in hibernation the past few days/weeks/whatever, but i'm back now. Welcome to my life in 2009!

But first- the holidays.... I went home to Long Island for Christmas, where I spent time with family and friends and Bing (Crosby...cause it ain't christmas without Bing, in my opinion). Want to see some pictures?Ok so this is how we do christmas- the family comes over to my mom's house for dinner, followed by presents at Auntie Mo's. This was 'recession christmas', although you can't really tell from all the presents under the tree. But we have a big family, so sadly, they're not all for me.

This is Auntie Mo and Larry- I think you get a pretty good idea of what they're like.....


And this is Arielle and Ben, wearing their cheese apparell, given as a gift by Kim- student at the University of Wisconsin. The enthusiasm arielle showed when opening this gift was unparalleled. seriously. Some of my favorite gifts were LL Bean fleece-lined slipper booties, which i basically don't take off inside the house, a really cool old camera to add to my collection of old cameras, and some books (which are always appreciated).

Now we move on to friends...Friday after christmas, I met Celine in the city for lunch, which was awesome, since we haven't seen each other in two years! Sadly I didn't take any pictures, but it was fun catching up and she gave me 3 amazing mixes for xmas.
Friday night I went out with the boys (plus victoria) from high school. We saw Gran Torino and had dinner at Chili's, just like the old days. It had definitely been too long since we all hung out. To commemorate, we took a picture- similar to the one we all have framed from three (?) years ago. Here- take a look.
So Todd's eye's are closed in the picture on the left. And he and Victoria's dog (lily) is eating his face in the one on the right. But Matt and Marc are in back, and Victoria is the girl who's not me. We're quite the gang.




So I headed back to Philly and begrudingly had to work this past week for two and a half days. But then had a glorious four and a half days off, for which I went into my mini-hibernation to ride out the New Year. I've never been one for New Year's eve- too much expectation. So i spent my night laying low, listening to music, reading, pondering my resolutions and the year to come.
Here's what I came up with:
2009 will be the year I improve my posture, hopefully try my hand at driving a stick shift, control my frivolous spending (aka acknowledge the recession), and finally- try and control my compulsive book-buying. I have 3 stacks of books marked 'to read', and its about time i stopped adding to the piles. So i'm gonna do my best to widdle down the 'to read' into the 'have read' before indulging my vice of buying any more books.

I'm staying away from the traditional 'i'm going to go to the gym and lose 20 lbs' resolutions, as that would never work. But I am going to continue trying to live more healthy, and figure out my life. It's a work in progress, obviously. Lucky for you- you get a front row seat.