blahday

i came back to philly late last night- to avoid sunday traffic on a holiday weekend, and have the day to get things done and relax. instead, i woke up in a bad mood. i stayed in bed all morning and only got out of bed just before 2 to go to the gym. i realized it was nice out, probably for the last time in a while- so i showered and went out to run some errands.

i procured larry's christmas present, and a new bath mat. i then went to wegman's, where i was pleasantly surprised to find that my favorite dark chocolate covered raisins were back in the bulk candy aisle. this perked up my day a bit. sad, but true. i got some gyuza and a spicy tuna roll and came on home to settle in for the night.

and here i am- sunday night and feeling restless. i called overstock.com about the damaged bed frame they sent me. i updated my facebook picture. i watched the end of reality bites on one of my many movie channels. i gave in and texted pete when i was supposed to be waiting for him to initiate some kind of conversation. so now i'm feeling guilty and restless. and there's nothing to watch on tv. and i should be doing schoolwork, but i'm sick of class (with only 2 weeks left to go!) i keep thinking about going ice skating, and finishing my christmas shopping. i think about movies i want to see, friends i want to spend time with. but i feel down. i dont want to go to work tomorrow. i don't want to deal with my coworkers. i just want to hide in my office until christmas.

i was supposed to go on a date today, but i never heard back from the designated date. greg, is his name. or was- perhaps he died. and i dont really even care. today, dating seems like a chore. i know i should have a better attitude about it. maybe i will tomorrow. but dating, particularly online dating, is annoying. it's not natural or fluid. and it doesn't make me feel happy or excited. which honestly, is what you should feel like before you go on a date. and it's not low-self esteem making me feel like this. i know i'm a good date. i'm somewhat attractive and fun and talkative when i need to be. i think i'm easy to get to know, and definitely easy to spend a few hours with. i just don't care right now. because i feel blah. and it's times like this i wish i had someone i had already gone through the whole 'dating' thing with, and could just be comfortable with and have around. that would make me feel happier than the idea of dating. and then i could get into my giant queen-sized bed with lots of fluffy pillows and not feel so blah.