ah yesterday, you had such promise. seriously- it was a good tuesday. filled with hope and potential job opportunities. work wasn't too bad, and i got all cultural after work seeing a play with ben! tuesday, i have fond memories of you.
and then there was today.
it started with me getting up early to go to the gynecologist. exactly.
you'd think that any day that started with a pap smear could only get better, right? well, you'd be half right. i mean, it's not like it got worse exactly. it was just one long day of unfortunate things. (and actually, my gynecologist is really nice and does his exams pretty painlessly)
work was long and annoying. i had little energy. i ate too many fiber bars.
and most disappointing, the two job prospects i had didn't pan out. one was a potentially cool job at penn that turned out to be an entry level job i was way overqualified for.
the other is a job in providence. its a great job. it just doesn't pay quite as much as i already make. and you know, it's in providence. so that one would involve....moving.
i like providence. it could be fun to live there- but not for less money than i currently make. right? (no i'm serious- give me your opinion)
it makes me sad. but its also just annoying- because i want a new, good job.
however. i am going to try and continue to stick with this karma thing. i need to try and stay positive. sure, i was a total crankypants today and i ate a huge ice cream sundae for dinner (thanks for meeting me leslie). but maybe tomorrow will be better?
a lot can happen in a day.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
the pox
where is jessica simpson when you need her? my face looks like the 'before' picture in a proactive commercial.
seriously, it's like i have chicken pox strictly on my T-zone. it's gross.
i know i may get negative points for saying this- but normally i have awesome skin. i always have. i thought it was genes (have you seen evelyn's skin? its pretty great). then i apparently got to my mid-20s and my skin decided to go through adolescence.
it's upsetting.
i'm upset.
as a result i can't leave the house without a fair amount of makeup and i'm constantly re-examining my skin care products. i need a facial. and an esthetician to tell me what i should be using. i can't get in to see my dermatologist until june. by then my braces might have magically reappeared and my stylish side bangs will have grown down past my eyebrows and taken over my forehead.
send help.
seriously, it's like i have chicken pox strictly on my T-zone. it's gross.
i know i may get negative points for saying this- but normally i have awesome skin. i always have. i thought it was genes (have you seen evelyn's skin? its pretty great). then i apparently got to my mid-20s and my skin decided to go through adolescence.
it's upsetting.
i'm upset.
as a result i can't leave the house without a fair amount of makeup and i'm constantly re-examining my skin care products. i need a facial. and an esthetician to tell me what i should be using. i can't get in to see my dermatologist until june. by then my braces might have magically reappeared and my stylish side bangs will have grown down past my eyebrows and taken over my forehead.
send help.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Marc Banks, I think you might be Dead
you never call, you haven't written in almost two weeks (granted, you did tell me why you weren't going to recap last week's american idol). but still. WHERE ARE YOU.
marc, i feel like you are involved in this process with me, since you were there at it's inception. and you have had no time to talk to me!! you haven't even really given me any feedback on all of this! all i get are snippets of you calling on your way to the gym. or telling me that you got my message but have no time to talk. or saying you have things to talk to me about, but no time to talk to me. and lately i haven't even gotten that!
IS EVERYTHING OK? perhaps you are holed up with nick? discussing your future? or your kids at school are keeping you hostage in your classroom and away from personal technology devices? or you got locked out of your apartment and have moved in with the hobo around the corner? (is there a hobo around the corner?)
and you know, calling me tonight and not leaving a message- not cool. it made me think that maybe you got mugged just as you were about to explain what happened to you and now you're being held hostage in the sewer system of boston.
you should know by now what kind of imagination i have- so put me out of my misery and CALL ME BACK!
marc, i feel like you are involved in this process with me, since you were there at it's inception. and you have had no time to talk to me!! you haven't even really given me any feedback on all of this! all i get are snippets of you calling on your way to the gym. or telling me that you got my message but have no time to talk. or saying you have things to talk to me about, but no time to talk to me. and lately i haven't even gotten that!
IS EVERYTHING OK? perhaps you are holed up with nick? discussing your future? or your kids at school are keeping you hostage in your classroom and away from personal technology devices? or you got locked out of your apartment and have moved in with the hobo around the corner? (is there a hobo around the corner?)
and you know, calling me tonight and not leaving a message- not cool. it made me think that maybe you got mugged just as you were about to explain what happened to you and now you're being held hostage in the sewer system of boston.
you should know by now what kind of imagination i have- so put me out of my misery and CALL ME BACK!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
dirty laundry
i have a lot of laundry piling up in the hamper. dirty laundry. my stupid washing machine/dryer in one (it's a malber, in case you need to know what machine never to buy) breaks every six months. and sometimes it takes a month or so to fix. this would be one of those times. i called the washing machine fix-it lady (yes, it's a lady, her name is jj) at the end of march when i got back from my road trip. she came and inspected the damage. i need a new wire and sensor that controls the heating aspect of the dryer. she said their parts guy was sending out the parts that day. and she'd get back to me the following week. as i said, that was at the end of march.
today is april 25th. i have called once a week since then. the 'parts' are still not in. they have no idea when they are being sent, when they will arrive, when my machine will once again be able to do a mediocre job washing a small amount of my clothes at a time. this is ridiculous.
even more ridiculous- there is no one else in the city able to service my particular brand of washing machine (once again- it's a malber- the washer/dryer from hell). that's right. there's one company that fixes these machines. that's it. and it's apparently not a priority to them either.
luckily i have friends with their own washing machines that allow me to have clean clothes without resorting to spending hours in a smelly laundromat tossing quarters into machines that don't even do a good job.
also luckily, i have a lot of clothes :)
(note: just wanted to let everyone know the 90 in 90 is going strong! i've stepped up my gym time this week- going 4 times! but this week will probably see some more blog posts, because i have a lot of after-work social activities that will cut into my gym time. get excited! i'll try and have more exciting things to talk about than my laundry...)
today is april 25th. i have called once a week since then. the 'parts' are still not in. they have no idea when they are being sent, when they will arrive, when my machine will once again be able to do a mediocre job washing a small amount of my clothes at a time. this is ridiculous.
even more ridiculous- there is no one else in the city able to service my particular brand of washing machine (once again- it's a malber- the washer/dryer from hell). that's right. there's one company that fixes these machines. that's it. and it's apparently not a priority to them either.
luckily i have friends with their own washing machines that allow me to have clean clothes without resorting to spending hours in a smelly laundromat tossing quarters into machines that don't even do a good job.
also luckily, i have a lot of clothes :)
(note: just wanted to let everyone know the 90 in 90 is going strong! i've stepped up my gym time this week- going 4 times! but this week will probably see some more blog posts, because i have a lot of after-work social activities that will cut into my gym time. get excited! i'll try and have more exciting things to talk about than my laundry...)
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Book Worm
i can count on one hand the number of books i've started to read but not finished. i have a thing about just putting books aside. although i might be leaning towards rethinking that personal policy. but probably not.
i also used to be someone who read one book at a time, start to finish. and fairly quickly, i might add. that also is slowly melding into a habit of having two or three books by my bed, and reading whichever one i'm in the mood for. i admit, that happens more when i am reading nonfiction, because it might not pull me in quite like a novel, and therefore even though it's interesting it takes me longer to read.
i have noticed though that i am taking longer to read books these days. i still volley back and forth between fiction and nonfiction, but it feels like it's taking...longer. and halfway through i'm already planning what in my ever-growing pile of 'to read' books i will start next. i don't know how i feel about this.
i dont know when i first started to love books. i guess my parents read to us a lot, and so it was natural to read when i needed something to do. Or before bed. or in the back seat of the car on a long drive. but reading has definitely become something i do everyday. it boggles my mind when people say they don't read. really? why not? what do you do before bed? don't you feel like you're missing out on knowing things? i just don't get it.
today, i was walking home when i stopped in to a cool independent book shop in headhouse square. i told myself i was just browsing, but i have a weakness for books, and independent cute little bookstores. and oops i bought 2 books to add to my 'to read' pile. i will probably die before i finish getting through the pile. the longest i've gone without buying any books was 5 1/2 months- last year when i made it a new years resolution to go 6 months without buying books. i almost made it too....but even then i didn't make it all the way through the 'to read' pile. although i did make quite a dent. but it's been built back up since i went back to buying books. plus, larry bought me at least 4 books for christmas this year- which was totally awesome. but i still have only read one or two of them. actually, one of those presents is next on my list: the Help, by kathryn somebody. it's supposedly amazing. if i ever get through Shakespeare's Wife (which i might have to add to my short list of books put away halfway through) and Animals in Translation (which is actually really interesting)- i'll dive right in to the Help with reckless abandon. :)
And just so you know, i buy most of my books on amazon. i realize that you can't have an addiction to books without buying them cheap and used most of the time. i keep a wish list on amazon so i can keep track of books i want to eventually buy. today i actually purchased one of them! (bird by bird, by anne lamott). the wish list is public, so you can look at if you're interested (not that you would be, but i feel like i'd probably look at someone's wish list of books some random night when i was at home and browsing the internet). Feel free to make suggestions.
What are you reading?
i also used to be someone who read one book at a time, start to finish. and fairly quickly, i might add. that also is slowly melding into a habit of having two or three books by my bed, and reading whichever one i'm in the mood for. i admit, that happens more when i am reading nonfiction, because it might not pull me in quite like a novel, and therefore even though it's interesting it takes me longer to read.
i have noticed though that i am taking longer to read books these days. i still volley back and forth between fiction and nonfiction, but it feels like it's taking...longer. and halfway through i'm already planning what in my ever-growing pile of 'to read' books i will start next. i don't know how i feel about this.
i dont know when i first started to love books. i guess my parents read to us a lot, and so it was natural to read when i needed something to do. Or before bed. or in the back seat of the car on a long drive. but reading has definitely become something i do everyday. it boggles my mind when people say they don't read. really? why not? what do you do before bed? don't you feel like you're missing out on knowing things? i just don't get it.
today, i was walking home when i stopped in to a cool independent book shop in headhouse square. i told myself i was just browsing, but i have a weakness for books, and independent cute little bookstores. and oops i bought 2 books to add to my 'to read' pile. i will probably die before i finish getting through the pile. the longest i've gone without buying any books was 5 1/2 months- last year when i made it a new years resolution to go 6 months without buying books. i almost made it too....but even then i didn't make it all the way through the 'to read' pile. although i did make quite a dent. but it's been built back up since i went back to buying books. plus, larry bought me at least 4 books for christmas this year- which was totally awesome. but i still have only read one or two of them. actually, one of those presents is next on my list: the Help, by kathryn somebody. it's supposedly amazing. if i ever get through Shakespeare's Wife (which i might have to add to my short list of books put away halfway through) and Animals in Translation (which is actually really interesting)- i'll dive right in to the Help with reckless abandon. :)
And just so you know, i buy most of my books on amazon. i realize that you can't have an addiction to books without buying them cheap and used most of the time. i keep a wish list on amazon so i can keep track of books i want to eventually buy. today i actually purchased one of them! (bird by bird, by anne lamott). the wish list is public, so you can look at if you're interested (not that you would be, but i feel like i'd probably look at someone's wish list of books some random night when i was at home and browsing the internet). Feel free to make suggestions.
What are you reading?
Friday, April 23, 2010
this week on 'as the clinic turns'
By 4:00 this afternoon my brain had turned to mush. This may have been due to the fact that throughout the day i had snacked on maybe 10 caramels and was therefore in the midst of a huge sugar crash.
It could also have been because this week i saw 33 people. Something that has become 'normal' over the past few weeks at work, even though in my profession it's not really considered healthy to see more than 25-30 people a week at the most. We are drowning in clients and paperwork. The piles of intake packets are literally starting to pour out of drawers and surround my computer on my desk. it's getting a little scary.
however, what was equally hard to take was the amount of crazy floating around my office this week. (*note, names will be omitted to protect my clients identities). You would think that North Philly is a big place. there are lots of little neighborhoods and thousands upon thousands of people who live in north philly alone. and yet i work in a community clinic- so most of the time my clients know each other. sometimes they tell me they know someone who comes to see me, sometimes they specifically refer someone to me, and sometimes they casually mention a friend or family member (both real or acquired family) who i realize i know. but in 95% of these cases, i'm finding out crazy shit about my clients from other clients.
For instance- two of my clients are smoking wet and not telling me about it. (wet- for those of you who don't know, is pot mixed w/ pcp, usually in a cigarette, which is then dipped in embalming fluid- it's insanity) another client is having an emotional affair with her friend's son- her friend also being my client. i have a mother-daughter pair of clients (who come in separately but call each other while in my office), sisters and some cousins. an uncle of someone who works at the clinic. and aunt and niece pair who keep talking about each other behind the others back. i see people who are old friends who didn't know they both saw me, and some people who don't get along and hate the i see their 'enemy' as well as them. and i have to keep it all straight. who's doing drugs, who's sleeping with who, who died or knows someone who died and how that affects the other clients who also know the deceased. today i told my boss i should keep a flow chart. if i knew how to do graphics on here i'd even draw up a tentative one for you to see. it's hysterical.
so- this week. drug use, affairs, a funeral, multiple fights. i also felt the belly of a client who is 9 months pregnant as her baby kicked. i learned a little about shuffleboard from a guy who has made it his primary hobby since being injured in a truck accident. i hugged a woman who did time for a crime she didn't commit and now can't get a job because of it. got med refills for another woman with hallucinations so severe she locks herself in her bathroom and rocks in the tub for hours on end. talked about the eating habits of a man with chronic pancreatitis who needs to drink boost 5 times a day, and a woman who binge eats and talks to her food as she eats it. one of my most regular clients told me she wrote a poem about me. she's bringing it in next week.
and you know what? it was great. sure, i'm exhausted and feel like mush. but my clients are the best part of my job. i love them, and for the most part they love me. i had four clients tell me they loved me this week- and only one was in a mildly creepy manner. what other profession gets to interact with people like this? i'm Involved in people's lives. people i never would have met were i not their confidante and outlet.
and yes, some weeks it feels like a soap opera and i need flow charts to keep all the connections together. lucky for me, elsie taught me to follow soaps as a child. i'm good with drama. i'll let you know if one day i discover someone coming back from the dead or twins separated at birth...
It could also have been because this week i saw 33 people. Something that has become 'normal' over the past few weeks at work, even though in my profession it's not really considered healthy to see more than 25-30 people a week at the most. We are drowning in clients and paperwork. The piles of intake packets are literally starting to pour out of drawers and surround my computer on my desk. it's getting a little scary.
however, what was equally hard to take was the amount of crazy floating around my office this week. (*note, names will be omitted to protect my clients identities). You would think that North Philly is a big place. there are lots of little neighborhoods and thousands upon thousands of people who live in north philly alone. and yet i work in a community clinic- so most of the time my clients know each other. sometimes they tell me they know someone who comes to see me, sometimes they specifically refer someone to me, and sometimes they casually mention a friend or family member (both real or acquired family) who i realize i know. but in 95% of these cases, i'm finding out crazy shit about my clients from other clients.
For instance- two of my clients are smoking wet and not telling me about it. (wet- for those of you who don't know, is pot mixed w/ pcp, usually in a cigarette, which is then dipped in embalming fluid- it's insanity) another client is having an emotional affair with her friend's son- her friend also being my client. i have a mother-daughter pair of clients (who come in separately but call each other while in my office), sisters and some cousins. an uncle of someone who works at the clinic. and aunt and niece pair who keep talking about each other behind the others back. i see people who are old friends who didn't know they both saw me, and some people who don't get along and hate the i see their 'enemy' as well as them. and i have to keep it all straight. who's doing drugs, who's sleeping with who, who died or knows someone who died and how that affects the other clients who also know the deceased. today i told my boss i should keep a flow chart. if i knew how to do graphics on here i'd even draw up a tentative one for you to see. it's hysterical.
so- this week. drug use, affairs, a funeral, multiple fights. i also felt the belly of a client who is 9 months pregnant as her baby kicked. i learned a little about shuffleboard from a guy who has made it his primary hobby since being injured in a truck accident. i hugged a woman who did time for a crime she didn't commit and now can't get a job because of it. got med refills for another woman with hallucinations so severe she locks herself in her bathroom and rocks in the tub for hours on end. talked about the eating habits of a man with chronic pancreatitis who needs to drink boost 5 times a day, and a woman who binge eats and talks to her food as she eats it. one of my most regular clients told me she wrote a poem about me. she's bringing it in next week.
and you know what? it was great. sure, i'm exhausted and feel like mush. but my clients are the best part of my job. i love them, and for the most part they love me. i had four clients tell me they loved me this week- and only one was in a mildly creepy manner. what other profession gets to interact with people like this? i'm Involved in people's lives. people i never would have met were i not their confidante and outlet.
and yes, some weeks it feels like a soap opera and i need flow charts to keep all the connections together. lucky for me, elsie taught me to follow soaps as a child. i'm good with drama. i'll let you know if one day i discover someone coming back from the dead or twins separated at birth...
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
check yourself. express yourself.
ok you're gonna have to excuse me, it's a tuesday night and i'm a little tipsy. between lost and glee i can hardly contain myself.
something strange happened today. i went on another first date. and it was weird, but not a disaster. he was cute and pretty interesting. and i'm trying to keep an open mind- because the things that i considered 'weird' aren't weird really, they're just different from what i'm used to. so maybe i just need to open my mind. even writing them down seems inappropriate, like i will come off sounding like a snob when i don't really think i am one.
but ok twist my arm. he's 28 and finishing his associates. he kind of has an idea of what he wants to do- maybe. well, getting a bachelors is next up on his list. which is good. he doesn't seem to have a credit card. he might want to be an actor. his parents didn't go to college and therefore it wasn't expected of him. this is his life, and he's happy with it. and i shouldn't judge because i mean- hey- it's working for him. it's just that i grew up in a family where going to college was fully expected. and i did just that. and then i got a masters, and i'm trying to build up my career. i realize that not everyone goes down this path. i guess i never really saw myself dating someone who was on a different one though. perhaps that was wrong of me. or maybe i'm being pretentious. but it is what it is. it's also possible he didn't like me and i'll never hear from him again. i'll have to just wait and see and try to go with the flow.
i just feel like i am falling behind. so many people are married or in serious relationships. and here i am struggling to find someone i want to go on a second date with. i'm 27! i thought by now i'd be engaged or something. well, back when i was in like 7th grade i thought that. it's funny how life never goes the way you planned in middle school. but seriously- people are starting to have kids! this trend will continue! when is it my turn to get on board! i don't want to be the kooky aunt who is always alone. no offense to the kooky aunt's of the world- but i want more for myself. i feel ready to not be alone anymore, but the universe is not cooperating and instead i keep seeing my peers move on to the next phase of their lives (relationships, marriages, houses, kids, etc) while i watch and be supportive. and don't get me wrong- i AM supportive and happy for those people. it's just frustrating to be in this situation with no end in sight. and no, i do not want you to tell me that "i'll meet someone soon" or "it'll happen when you least expect it" or "don't worry someone is out there for you". no- someone was out there for YOU. you found them. more power to you. get out of my face before i pour this third glass of prosecco on you. don't tempt me i will do it. (sidenote: i did tip over my third drink tonight. it was prosecco. i probably didn't need to finish it anyway...)
ok rant over.
i'm sorry. but all this crap is hard. going on these first dates recently are all fine and good and make great stories. but i am losing some hope in this process, and therefore i'm holding on to what i can and trying to be more open minded so i don't push anyway any real opportunities. you'll just have to bare with me.
i have to go to bed now. cross your fingers my headache tomorrow is minimal.
something strange happened today. i went on another first date. and it was weird, but not a disaster. he was cute and pretty interesting. and i'm trying to keep an open mind- because the things that i considered 'weird' aren't weird really, they're just different from what i'm used to. so maybe i just need to open my mind. even writing them down seems inappropriate, like i will come off sounding like a snob when i don't really think i am one.
but ok twist my arm. he's 28 and finishing his associates. he kind of has an idea of what he wants to do- maybe. well, getting a bachelors is next up on his list. which is good. he doesn't seem to have a credit card. he might want to be an actor. his parents didn't go to college and therefore it wasn't expected of him. this is his life, and he's happy with it. and i shouldn't judge because i mean- hey- it's working for him. it's just that i grew up in a family where going to college was fully expected. and i did just that. and then i got a masters, and i'm trying to build up my career. i realize that not everyone goes down this path. i guess i never really saw myself dating someone who was on a different one though. perhaps that was wrong of me. or maybe i'm being pretentious. but it is what it is. it's also possible he didn't like me and i'll never hear from him again. i'll have to just wait and see and try to go with the flow.
i just feel like i am falling behind. so many people are married or in serious relationships. and here i am struggling to find someone i want to go on a second date with. i'm 27! i thought by now i'd be engaged or something. well, back when i was in like 7th grade i thought that. it's funny how life never goes the way you planned in middle school. but seriously- people are starting to have kids! this trend will continue! when is it my turn to get on board! i don't want to be the kooky aunt who is always alone. no offense to the kooky aunt's of the world- but i want more for myself. i feel ready to not be alone anymore, but the universe is not cooperating and instead i keep seeing my peers move on to the next phase of their lives (relationships, marriages, houses, kids, etc) while i watch and be supportive. and don't get me wrong- i AM supportive and happy for those people. it's just frustrating to be in this situation with no end in sight. and no, i do not want you to tell me that "i'll meet someone soon" or "it'll happen when you least expect it" or "don't worry someone is out there for you". no- someone was out there for YOU. you found them. more power to you. get out of my face before i pour this third glass of prosecco on you. don't tempt me i will do it. (sidenote: i did tip over my third drink tonight. it was prosecco. i probably didn't need to finish it anyway...)
ok rant over.
i'm sorry. but all this crap is hard. going on these first dates recently are all fine and good and make great stories. but i am losing some hope in this process, and therefore i'm holding on to what i can and trying to be more open minded so i don't push anyway any real opportunities. you'll just have to bare with me.
i have to go to bed now. cross your fingers my headache tomorrow is minimal.
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