i have been doing a lot of blogging this week. which means i haven't quite made it to the gym as many times as i would have liked. but such is life. it's been a good week. well, for the most part.
and now its a THREE DAY WEEKEND! happy birthday america! thank you for being a holiday where i get to celebrate with fun things like bbqs, baseball games and friends!
my plan:
movies tonight with colin. the plan is to show him how to do a double feature. i appreciate that he actually wants to do this. not a lot of people want to spend that many hours at the movies in a row. we'll see how it turns out.
tomorrow: gym, bus to new york. lunch, head to coney island!! i've never been to coney island and i'm really excited. we're gonna ride some rides and go to a AAA baseball game, which should be fun.
sunday: head out to rvc to spend some quality time with moo. bbq in the afternoon with the family. not sure what the evening's plans are. maybe fireworks somewhere?
monday: breakfast with arielle. head back to philly. hopefully stove/oven getting fixed in the afternoon!!!!! wahoo!!! followed by some quality grocery shopping. thank goodness.
it sounds like such a nice three day weekend. and it came just in time....
i'm still considering the penn job. the interview got pushed to july 14th. i've heard more about it. and let's just say i'm still undecided about it. but i'm glad to have the interview at least.
i did get some stuff done at work today, because it was a slow day patient-wise. and then i went to visit kelly @ the crystal cage after work. picked up moo's birthday present. had a good time catching up.
this weekend is already good. and only going to get better! :)
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
compartmentalized
lately my life feels very compartmentalized. like i fit into tiny boxes, depending on where i am or what i am doing. and i can turn things on and off in each box. it is a strange feeling. and i honestly don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. it's just the way things feel.
for instance. i have one box for work. at work, i am professional. and tired. i get along well with my clients. yet when i am alone in my office i can't really focus or get enough things done. i have just enough energy to deal with my clients when they are there. then all bets are off. this is a bad thing, and i do not know how to fix it. my mood is ok when i'm at work, and i don't talk about my personal life with anyone there (with few exceptions. or if i'm on gchat).
then there is my home box. i do my normal things. i watch tv, attempt to clean up. i have to take care of things like getting the god damn oven fixed. take care of gizmo. go to the gym. listen to music. vacuum. veg out. i will also put my friends into this box, because seeing them is part of my 'normal' things. talk to friends on the phone. make plans. go out. talk about life. i can complain to them, or not. i have fun and try not to think about work at all.
now there is a colin box. when i'm with colin i don't really think about work. i don't feel tired, like i do when i am at work. but i also don't care as much about the things that happen in the 'home box' either. because i just focus on being with colin. and that is much more fun than being annoyed because i still don't have a stove. with colin i am not annoyed. i mean, i think about life and we talk about stuff. but i just generally feel happier and not stressed. and it is different than the other two boxes of my life.
obviously this is the box i would prefer to hang out in all the time. (clearly i can't do that. because we have to work and tend to our own lives, etc.) but i think that's normal when you just start dating someone. you want to be with them a lot, and hopefully you are the best version of yourself when with them. because that's how the other person makes you feel. i'm sure in time colin and my home self/box will mesh more. and that's fine. to be expected. it's just strange, to feel like you can be so many different versions of yourself.
i don't know what to make of it. so right now i'm not going to try.
for instance. i have one box for work. at work, i am professional. and tired. i get along well with my clients. yet when i am alone in my office i can't really focus or get enough things done. i have just enough energy to deal with my clients when they are there. then all bets are off. this is a bad thing, and i do not know how to fix it. my mood is ok when i'm at work, and i don't talk about my personal life with anyone there (with few exceptions. or if i'm on gchat).
then there is my home box. i do my normal things. i watch tv, attempt to clean up. i have to take care of things like getting the god damn oven fixed. take care of gizmo. go to the gym. listen to music. vacuum. veg out. i will also put my friends into this box, because seeing them is part of my 'normal' things. talk to friends on the phone. make plans. go out. talk about life. i can complain to them, or not. i have fun and try not to think about work at all.
now there is a colin box. when i'm with colin i don't really think about work. i don't feel tired, like i do when i am at work. but i also don't care as much about the things that happen in the 'home box' either. because i just focus on being with colin. and that is much more fun than being annoyed because i still don't have a stove. with colin i am not annoyed. i mean, i think about life and we talk about stuff. but i just generally feel happier and not stressed. and it is different than the other two boxes of my life.
obviously this is the box i would prefer to hang out in all the time. (clearly i can't do that. because we have to work and tend to our own lives, etc.) but i think that's normal when you just start dating someone. you want to be with them a lot, and hopefully you are the best version of yourself when with them. because that's how the other person makes you feel. i'm sure in time colin and my home self/box will mesh more. and that's fine. to be expected. it's just strange, to feel like you can be so many different versions of yourself.
i don't know what to make of it. so right now i'm not going to try.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
tired
i tried to think of a fun topic to write about tonight. but i couldn't think of anything.
my brain feels like mush. i'd really like to call out tomorrow- but i have so many people coming in, and they needs meds. and i'd just feel irresponsible. but i don't know how much longer i can go on at this pace. there are just too many clients and too much work. i am drowning in it.
i didn't get a ton of sleep last night. as predicted, i don't sleep my best in new places. but it was really nice to be there anyway. except now i'm exhausted and i feel like if i don't go to bed immediately i may die. i probably should have been in bed by now, but i am continually adding music to my itouch. and i had to check the weather and do a lot of other mundane things to avoid thinking about anything too much.
i am even going to skip reading. and just go straight to bed.
i'm hoping tomorrow i can see audria and the babies for a little bit before meeting colin for an outdoor movie at penn's landing. audria doesn't know this yet though. hmm perhaps an email is in order...it's always nice to let people in on your plans, when they are in fact part of the plan. correct?
my brain feels like mush. i'd really like to call out tomorrow- but i have so many people coming in, and they needs meds. and i'd just feel irresponsible. but i don't know how much longer i can go on at this pace. there are just too many clients and too much work. i am drowning in it.
i didn't get a ton of sleep last night. as predicted, i don't sleep my best in new places. but it was really nice to be there anyway. except now i'm exhausted and i feel like if i don't go to bed immediately i may die. i probably should have been in bed by now, but i am continually adding music to my itouch. and i had to check the weather and do a lot of other mundane things to avoid thinking about anything too much.
i am even going to skip reading. and just go straight to bed.
i'm hoping tomorrow i can see audria and the babies for a little bit before meeting colin for an outdoor movie at penn's landing. audria doesn't know this yet though. hmm perhaps an email is in order...it's always nice to let people in on your plans, when they are in fact part of the plan. correct?
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
weird day.
today has been such a weird day.
i had a really weird dream last night. i can't remember it all, but it entailed me being in a support group with a bunch of girls- some of which i knew. i can't remember them all now- but i know that mary kate (one of my freshman year roommates) was there. caitlin might have been there too. and maybe my friend liz? i really don't remember. but i do remember that i felt weird about being in the support group. i didn't want to share. everyone was expecting me to- but i wouldn't. oh, i also think my therapist was the group facilitator. it just got weirder and weirder. i keep trying to remember more of it- it's right at the tip of my memory. but then it's gone. i don't know what the group was for. or why i wouldn't participate. but i woke up and felt very uncomfortable. like a lot of people were staring at me and i just wanted to be left alone. that's a weird way to wake up- let me tell you.
work was busy today. 8 clients in 7.5 hours. i also managed to read some of a nytimes from last thursday. there's a whooping cough outbreak in california among latino children. in case you didn't know. also, a rise in sexual assaults in haiti since the earthquake. i learn new things everyday reading the nytimes.
oh! i also got a call about a job interview! that was exciting. i haven't really had time to look for jobs this week- but i did apply to a few last week (or the week before?) and i finally got a call! the interview is mon. july 12th. the job is working at penn- sp2 (my graduate school). but i don't want to say too much about it. because a) i don't really know much about the job yet. and b) i don't want to jinx it. so i'll just leave it at that.
Then. after work, i spoke to a lot of people- caught up with matt, auntie mo, and my mom (well, i talk to my mom all the time so i don't know if i can say we 'caught up'). and i came to exton. where i am currently typing on colin's computer (it's a mac, thank goodness).
this is my first mid-week sleepover. and i feel weird about it. like i'm going to miss something at home (ummm no. there is nothing to miss. but that's how i feel). it's just kind of weird. he is great, and we are having fun. i just don't know how well i'm going to be able to sleep. it always takes me a little while to get comfortable sleeping somewhere new.
oh, and his apartment is a total 24 year old boy's apartment.
weird day. between waking up and going to bed- a whole range of activities and emotions occurred. i probably just need to just let it go and relax. but we'll see how well i can do that.
i had a really weird dream last night. i can't remember it all, but it entailed me being in a support group with a bunch of girls- some of which i knew. i can't remember them all now- but i know that mary kate (one of my freshman year roommates) was there. caitlin might have been there too. and maybe my friend liz? i really don't remember. but i do remember that i felt weird about being in the support group. i didn't want to share. everyone was expecting me to- but i wouldn't. oh, i also think my therapist was the group facilitator. it just got weirder and weirder. i keep trying to remember more of it- it's right at the tip of my memory. but then it's gone. i don't know what the group was for. or why i wouldn't participate. but i woke up and felt very uncomfortable. like a lot of people were staring at me and i just wanted to be left alone. that's a weird way to wake up- let me tell you.
work was busy today. 8 clients in 7.5 hours. i also managed to read some of a nytimes from last thursday. there's a whooping cough outbreak in california among latino children. in case you didn't know. also, a rise in sexual assaults in haiti since the earthquake. i learn new things everyday reading the nytimes.
oh! i also got a call about a job interview! that was exciting. i haven't really had time to look for jobs this week- but i did apply to a few last week (or the week before?) and i finally got a call! the interview is mon. july 12th. the job is working at penn- sp2 (my graduate school). but i don't want to say too much about it. because a) i don't really know much about the job yet. and b) i don't want to jinx it. so i'll just leave it at that.
Then. after work, i spoke to a lot of people- caught up with matt, auntie mo, and my mom (well, i talk to my mom all the time so i don't know if i can say we 'caught up'). and i came to exton. where i am currently typing on colin's computer (it's a mac, thank goodness).
this is my first mid-week sleepover. and i feel weird about it. like i'm going to miss something at home (ummm no. there is nothing to miss. but that's how i feel). it's just kind of weird. he is great, and we are having fun. i just don't know how well i'm going to be able to sleep. it always takes me a little while to get comfortable sleeping somewhere new.
oh, and his apartment is a total 24 year old boy's apartment.
weird day. between waking up and going to bed- a whole range of activities and emotions occurred. i probably just need to just let it go and relax. but we'll see how well i can do that.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Day 81
it's sunday night. a day of reflection, if you will. so i'm going to take this time to say that today is day 81 of my 90 in 90 project.
81.
how fucking crazy is that?!
in the grand scheme of things 90 days is not a very long time in my life. but i actually feel like i've been learning and doing a lot in the past 81 days. and i have 9 more days of contractual blogging/gyming to complete the project.
so what do i want to do in the next 9 days?
well, i'm going to go to the gym a few times this week. my weekends have been busy lately so i have to find time during the week. hopefully i'll go see audria and the babies at some point.
i'm hanging out with colin on friday, and going up to new york saturday-monday.
i would like to try and blog some more- in more of the 'writing exercise' variety. i feel like a lot of my posts have been short and to the point lately. i haven't written about anything in particular. which is ok, but i want to try and do some more productive writing. i may just do that in a journal for myself. i haven't decided yet.
i'm also thinking about what i want to do once my 90 in 90 is over! should i take up running? look into a class or something i might find interesting? sit back and relax for the rest of summer? i won't give up going to the gym. or blogging, actually. i just won't feel obligated to do one or both at least once a day. which means probably fewer late night posts and perhaps a little more sleep for me.
speaking of- this weekend- while katie, andy and i didn't do much, per-say, i am exhausted. taking care of a baby is hard. so i'm going to go pass out now, and be grateful that i live alone and only have to take care of myself and gizmo.
81.
how fucking crazy is that?!
in the grand scheme of things 90 days is not a very long time in my life. but i actually feel like i've been learning and doing a lot in the past 81 days. and i have 9 more days of contractual blogging/gyming to complete the project.
so what do i want to do in the next 9 days?
well, i'm going to go to the gym a few times this week. my weekends have been busy lately so i have to find time during the week. hopefully i'll go see audria and the babies at some point.
i'm hanging out with colin on friday, and going up to new york saturday-monday.
i would like to try and blog some more- in more of the 'writing exercise' variety. i feel like a lot of my posts have been short and to the point lately. i haven't written about anything in particular. which is ok, but i want to try and do some more productive writing. i may just do that in a journal for myself. i haven't decided yet.
i'm also thinking about what i want to do once my 90 in 90 is over! should i take up running? look into a class or something i might find interesting? sit back and relax for the rest of summer? i won't give up going to the gym. or blogging, actually. i just won't feel obligated to do one or both at least once a day. which means probably fewer late night posts and perhaps a little more sleep for me.
speaking of- this weekend- while katie, andy and i didn't do much, per-say, i am exhausted. taking care of a baby is hard. so i'm going to go pass out now, and be grateful that i live alone and only have to take care of myself and gizmo.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
molly molly munchkin pie
it is kind of an amazing feeling to hold a little baby and have her fall asleep in your arms.
it is also rather exhausting.
i've only been staying with katie and andy for the weekend- and molly isn't even my baby- yet i am tired from helping to take care of her. i'm trying to be a help. i've changed her, i hold her, i rock her to sleep. we're old pros at napping together, me and molly. i'm just trying to do anything that helps katie out for a little while. its a drop in the bucket, but it's something.
and she is amazing. sure, she cries and can be fussy. but that's all babies. she is also smiley, inquisitive and squirmy. she loves being rocked- like really rocked. she likes constant motion. so we've done many laps around the house, danced around to some janet jackson. and just swayed back and forth. back and forth. she is warm and gooey and delicious. i just want to eat her up- molly molly munchkin pie.
she has katie's mouth, and maybe her eyes. i also believe that she has katie's chin- but katie doesn't seem convinced. she appears to have andy's nose, and his ears. still no word on what the final eye or hair colors will be. right now the eyes are a grayish blue. the hair could be a strawberry blonde. it could also go brunette.
yesterday, when i was standing in the living room holding molly, i was rocking her and talking to katie and andy. and we were talking about college, and i was struck with the notion that when i met katie- 10 years ago this fall, i never thought about the day i would arrive at her house and hold her baby. its not like i never thought she would have a baby, i just think that back then i wasn't thinking this far ahead. it seemed like such a distant future that i never imagined it in detail. and yet here i am. i walked in yesterday and said 'hand her over', so excited to meet this little munchkin. so far she is living up to expectations. i don't mind her crying. i love it when she smiles. so far she's been nice and has spit up pointed away from me. she's been very hospitable.
katie and andy are great parents. they are trying to be realistic. they don't make it look like sunshine and rainbows. i appreciate that honesty. i wish i could be of more help, or be able to offer any good advice- but what the hell do i know.
so instead i hold molly. we rock back and forth. we give katie time to shower. andy time to read the economist. we bond. me and molly.
molly molly munchkin pie.
it is also rather exhausting.
i've only been staying with katie and andy for the weekend- and molly isn't even my baby- yet i am tired from helping to take care of her. i'm trying to be a help. i've changed her, i hold her, i rock her to sleep. we're old pros at napping together, me and molly. i'm just trying to do anything that helps katie out for a little while. its a drop in the bucket, but it's something.
and she is amazing. sure, she cries and can be fussy. but that's all babies. she is also smiley, inquisitive and squirmy. she loves being rocked- like really rocked. she likes constant motion. so we've done many laps around the house, danced around to some janet jackson. and just swayed back and forth. back and forth. she is warm and gooey and delicious. i just want to eat her up- molly molly munchkin pie.
she has katie's mouth, and maybe her eyes. i also believe that she has katie's chin- but katie doesn't seem convinced. she appears to have andy's nose, and his ears. still no word on what the final eye or hair colors will be. right now the eyes are a grayish blue. the hair could be a strawberry blonde. it could also go brunette.
yesterday, when i was standing in the living room holding molly, i was rocking her and talking to katie and andy. and we were talking about college, and i was struck with the notion that when i met katie- 10 years ago this fall, i never thought about the day i would arrive at her house and hold her baby. its not like i never thought she would have a baby, i just think that back then i wasn't thinking this far ahead. it seemed like such a distant future that i never imagined it in detail. and yet here i am. i walked in yesterday and said 'hand her over', so excited to meet this little munchkin. so far she is living up to expectations. i don't mind her crying. i love it when she smiles. so far she's been nice and has spit up pointed away from me. she's been very hospitable.
katie and andy are great parents. they are trying to be realistic. they don't make it look like sunshine and rainbows. i appreciate that honesty. i wish i could be of more help, or be able to offer any good advice- but what the hell do i know.
so instead i hold molly. we rock back and forth. we give katie time to shower. andy time to read the economist. we bond. me and molly.
molly molly munchkin pie.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
babytown
after work today i finally went to audria's house to meet the babies raff. claire and ben. and oh my god are they amazing. they're just under two weeks old, and they're so cute i can hardly stand it. i found an immediate bond with claire, who i held for almost the entire time i was there. she is just under six pounds. she's all red and wrinkly. she slept most of the time, but when she was awake, we made a real connection. i half sang/hummed some billy joel tunes to her. she liked it. i kept her really warm with my body heat, because its so freaking hot outside i'm sure she felt like she was napping nestled inside of an oven.
audria looks amazing. she has a lot of energy and is her usual happy self with her two little angel babies.
and i met mrs. stubna! (that would be audria's mom, and leslie's boyfriend steve's mom) i know a lot about the stubna family, and i love them. so it was nice to meet mrs. stubna and see where it all comes from. she is super sweet and relaxed. although i feel with seven kids you have to be easy going or you'd go crazy!
anyways, i will be going back next week to spend more time with the twins. pictures to come.
plus tomorrow morning i head down to alexandria to introduce myself to molly magoun!! finally!!! its a baby-filled weekend for me, and i'm so excited!!
audria looks amazing. she has a lot of energy and is her usual happy self with her two little angel babies.
and i met mrs. stubna! (that would be audria's mom, and leslie's boyfriend steve's mom) i know a lot about the stubna family, and i love them. so it was nice to meet mrs. stubna and see where it all comes from. she is super sweet and relaxed. although i feel with seven kids you have to be easy going or you'd go crazy!
anyways, i will be going back next week to spend more time with the twins. pictures to come.
plus tomorrow morning i head down to alexandria to introduce myself to molly magoun!! finally!!! its a baby-filled weekend for me, and i'm so excited!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)