book coverings

warning: this post will be filled with a lot of random thoughts that may or may not be related.

so i've been thinking. if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
i texted leon(my date from monday) last night after lost (you can judge me later about that. i heard many opinions and made my own decision) and he did not text me back. all day i sat and worked and complained to my friends on gchat (sorry autumn and caitlin...and arielle) and just generally felt crappy and rejected.

at some point during the day caitlin brought up an interesting question. how are we perceived by other people? like, as i walk on the street- do people who pass me see me as cold and unapproachable? do they think i'm married? a crazy cat lady singleton? someone who just fell out of bed and needs to go shower? my stupid old roommate colin once told me that he never thought i wanted a boyfriend. i apparently gave off a vibe that i 'didn't need a man'. which frankly- i don't. i don't think you should need a man. i can take care of myself, thank you very much. but that doesn't mean that i don't want a man, or want to be seen as unapproachable or uninterested when i walk down the street or meet new people. that's not the vibe i should be giving out. but i don't really know what vibe i am giving out- so i don't know how to change it. well actually, i'm fairly certain i have a mean face when i'm walking down the street. i feel like when i think about something i get this serious look on my face and its maybe not friendly. and i usually am thinking about something when i walk down the street. or maybe its because i'm from new york and my mom always said when walking in the city to look like you know where you're going and do not interact with strangers. i really took that to heart.

also- i keep thinking about my friend BJ. this is because we have been playing phone tag lately, and then finally caught up last night. i have been friends with BJ for a very long time, about 10 years to be precise. we met freshman year of college- he was 'cool', and i had a huge crush on one of his roommates, and he had a huge crush on one of my roommates. long story short, he is a good friend of mine, and there have never (never) been any other feelings there. i want what is best for him, i'm not afraid to tell him when he's being an ass, and i know if i need his support he will give it freely. i know this, because last thursday i was feeling kind of down- i don't remember why- and i listened to a voicemail from him, and he was so friendly and asked about things in my life that i didn't expect him to remember. and it made me feel really loved and supported (in that friendly kind of way that people you've known for a while can make you feel) and i became motivated enough to go to the gym. my mood was perked up. i give BJ the credit. i bring him up because BJ has what my granny would call the 'gift of gab'. he can talk to anyone, about anything. he likes talking about himself, but he can also bullshit about anyone else too. its a good quality. i think he gives off a vibe that is pretty friendly and approachable. (i also think he could be doing more with his life, but that is another story)

anyway, my whole point is that often people judge a book by its cover. i do it, even when i may try not to- its natural. we all do to a certain extent. so how am i being judged? what does my cover say about me? is it the same message i want to be portraying?

oh also- leon texted me tonight. a whole 24 hours after i texted him. i don't really know what to make of that. but perhaps i shouldn't judge.