wash the beef

i need a do over for today.

let me paint you a picture of how i left the house this morning:

it was cold and rainy and grey. and dark. which turned out to be in my favor actually. because i was wearing my light pink chords. i also happened to find some old rain boots in my closet. i thought i had gotten rid of them- because i never wear them (they sometimes make my right calf look like a fat sausage)- but because i'm tired of walking around in the rain with wet non-waterproof shoes, i thought i'd take a look. and there they were- bright yellow wellies with pink dots around the edges. the epitomy of class. (side note, my right calf fit inside and did not look like a sausage- a small positive in a sea of mess).
so i tucked my pink chords into my bright yellow rain boots. and went and put on my rain coat.
if you've seen my rain coat before you'd know that it's....bright orange. it's llbean. and i like it. but yes, it's bright orange.
and finally- the piece de resistance: i grabbed my new umbrella- which is one of those big ones i can't remember the name of, but you can fit inside of them and they come down to like your shoulders. bubble? sure, we'll go with that. so it's clear with pink trim.

as you can guess i looked like a grown up kindergartner who tried to dress herself and snuck out of the house without mommy noticing. and i walked the 6 blocks to the train like that. and then got on the train and took a nap. surprise surprise, no one sat next to me.

so that's how the day started. it did not improve. i had to attend an all day 'webinar' orientation thing from 9-4. i usually go in at 10 on mondays, but got to work at 8:20 in preparation for getting all my other stuff done as well as sit for the webinar. it made me want to pull my hair out one at a time. there were 'quizzes' we had to fill out. it was boring and ridiculous. and for some reason made me feel very...snappy. i don't know if it was the grey weather or the pointless webinar that kept me from doing my work. or just the lack of sleep and long day. but i wasn't my usual charming self. and i said some dumb things i should have probably just not said. (nothing that will cause any problems really, but a month into a new job you don't want to have too much of an attitude), and just generally complained a lot. and then felt badly about it.

and instead of coming home and going running- i came home and made dinner and sat down to knit. which was fun, but not really active. so i'm still feeling generally lethargic and blah.

clearly- monday and i are not friends right now. you might say i have 'beef' with today. and to that i will say- i need to Wash it.

you read that correctly. i need to wash the beef.

what's this, you ask? what is this hysterical expression and what does it mean?
well i will tell you....

this weekend i went to the barnes with my sister and brother in law- which was great. and afterwards we went to our friend greg's house out near the main line. from greg's we went to a yummy dinner in bryn mawr at Yang Ming's (i recommend seafood and chicken, personally). and in the car ride over is where this Delightful phrase was born...
Greg was telling us a story. Honestly, i don't know what it was about. i don't remember. whatever it was isn't important (sorry greg)- but there were some people arguing in his story, and eventually he said "it sounds like they really needed to wash the beef".
at this my sister and i (sitting in the back seat), looked at each other quizically and said "wash the beef?". greg was surprised we had never heard this expression before. how could we have not? he explained: clearly it meant two people were having 'beef' with each other about something (i believe his example was "haven't you ever listened to eminem?"...) and they needed to 'wash the beef' as a means of taking care of it.

well. if this wasn't the greatest/most awkward expression i've ever heard- my middle name isn't felice. we immediately found all sorts of reasons to work 'wash the beef' into every story told at dinner, or insert it into every awkward silence. if anyone was having beef with anyone, it was getting washed- it was getting washed good. (*it also worked when our least favorite dish of the night was the beef dish....which we promptly said could actually have used some washing....).
we used that phrase like we were born usin' it. like everyone (particularly eminem fans) had been using it for years...

...until we got home, and had the following conversation with greg and his younger brother steve:

we were saying something of little importance when either myself or arielle once again worked in a 'wash the beef' reference (it does not get old!) and steve looked at us like we were on crack.
me: "steve- if someone said 'wash the beef' to you, would you know what that meant? is that a phrase you generally use?"
arielle: "apparently it is. because greg told us all about it. and now we're washing the beef with everyone we know"
(steve looks on confused)
greg: "wait- you thought i was saying Wash the beef?"
us: "ummm that is what you said "
greg: "no. i said Quash the beef. like, quash it. with a Qu"
fits of laughter..
us" WHAT"? "QUASH"?
steve: "isn't the actual phrase Squash the beef?"
greg: "ohhh, right. i guess. squash."
UNCONTROLLABLE FITS OF LAUGHTER.

for real people. tears were rolling down my cheeks. tears of pure joy. QUASH, SQUASH. WHO DOES ANY OF THIS TO BEEF?

and frankly- i like Wash the Beef the best. it's the most awkward. hence, the most awesome.

so i'm taking it to the streets!! (the streets being an awesome place to take things to- just watch step up 2: the streets, for proof). if you have beef with someone or something, please, be kind, wash the beef. clear that shit up. it's better for everyone.

and tell all your friends. this phrase is Happening.

moral of my story (you thought i forgot, right?)- my monday was a massive fail. monday and i have got some beef. i'm gonna wash the beef. wash it good. and start fresh tomorrow.

bring it tuesday.