a changing of the tides

this morning i woke up at 7am in a panic that i had slept through my alarm and was going to be late for work. then- thankfully, i realized it was sunday.

it's also the first day of spring. SPRING!! finally!!
and when i finally woke up i laid in bed thinking about some stuff. you might say i'm always thinking about things. but today i felt somewhat- settled. spring. new beginning. all that jazz.

it's been a month since i was in my quasi-relationship. and i don't really feel sad anymore when i think about him. i feel more...annoyed. cheated. angry. over it all. ready to just...think about something else.
i think maybe that sex in the city rule was right. you get half of the time of the length you were together to get over the break up. it makes sense, really. and its nice to just wake up and not feel anxious or heavy with emotion.
and frankly- this is one of the many reasons i've been waiting for march to be over. the sooner march is over, and spring is here, the sooner i will feel better and more myself and ready to take on the world (picture me a top the art museum steps- rocky style). however- recent breakup aside- i have many reasons for not liking march.
firstly- it's a long month. a whole 31 days. it's 5 weeks long. and there are no federal holidays (no- st. patrick's day does not count). also- it's cold. my oma's birthday, as well as keith and glenn's are at the beginning of the month- then it's just a wasteland. then there's march madness. who cares? it's college basketball. i joined a pool at work to be a 'joiner' and try and have fun with it- and lord knows if i can remember who i actually picked. all i know is i put duke down to win. but really....i mean, whatever.

but today- today i woke up feeling ok. thinking about work, about life, about knitting. about paying my bills and buying groceries and painting my nails fuscia in honor of spring. i read a magazine, then finished reading my book, ate breakfast and relaxed. i did the things i wanted to do. and i didn't feel anxious. i felt- like myself. only slightly more....lived in.
does that make sense?

i realize lately that i am 28 years old. 28. i moved to philadelphia when i was 22. the world was ahead of me, at my finger tips, doors would open, i'd find my way. etc etc you get the point. and sometimes now- i have more moments of...clarity. i'm an adult. i've chosen a career path. i have a condo and a pet. i can keep a plant alive. i have friends and a life here in philadelphia, as well as in new york. i have vacations planned. i commute to work. i have a bookcase full of books. adult. and while i don't really want to take myself too seriously, sometimes i'm hit with the idea that this is my life. and i should enjoy it more. and not waste time feeling sad- even if they say that those sad times can teach you something about yourself. i get it. i'm learning. but right now i want to learn to be happy with the amazing life i've got. i don't necessarily need to go on dates every week, or waste time on men who i know aren't going to stick around- or who i have no desire to stick around. i am going to do things that i think will be fun and interesting, with people who i know to be fun and interesting. or by myself. because hell, last time i checked i was pretty fun myself.

so happy spring to everyone! put on your big girl panties and go have some fun.