Still Here

so here's what happened.
a week ago, my boyfriend unceremoniously dumped me over the phone. he was very nice about it. and i think i took it pretty well. i waited until leslie walked in the door (i'm convinced she was waiting on the stoop downstairs) to start crying. and even then i think i wasn't out of control. i mean, sure, i cried. but hell, i really liked the guy. and i was really excited to actually have a boyfriend. so i was mourning the rejection of someone i thought i would be spending time with, as well as the idea of having someone to spend time with. put them together and i think tears can be expected.
so, i cried a few times over the next 2 days. i didn't really have a lot of time to wallow, because my mom and arielle came down the next day for mom's 'birthday weekend of fun'. we got facials and massages and ate at great restaurants and consumed a nice amount of wine. we saw the renoir show. we played whirly word (i'm sure i'll come back to this game later), we watched mamma mia. i was entertained and kept busy enough to remember that i have quite a life outside of being dumped.

also, i learned, or rather, was reminded- that i have an amazing group of friends. i didn't have to do more than casually mention what happened on facebook (after un-friending him, of course) before the calls, texts and messages of support started pouring in. i'm not even kidding. i felt so loved- even that started to make me cry after a while.

on sunday after mom and arielle left, i went to the movies and dinner with jeff and mimi. i decided in my post-breakup world i was going to be a busy as humanly possible. i haven't had a night free yet. mimi and jeff got me nice and drunk (oh sweet judy, what a fine drink you are) and told me that i am great and will meet somebody better.

monday arrived and while bored at work i began a list of all the things i didn't like about colin anyway. i suggest everyone going through a breakup do something like this. i think i got the idea from 'how i met your mother'. ted mosby (i love him) writes himself letters when he breaks up with girls. letters to remind him of why it didn't work. so that when he begins to miss his ex, he can read the letter and remind himself. well, this was my version of that. it's an ongoing list. it's much longer than i expected it to be. and it makes me feel better. i won't post it here because, hey, i have some dignity (and respect- he was a nice guy, you know) but if you want to know what's on it- it's in my purse. (right next to my pen, for easy additions).
monday night saw the arrival of laura and nadav. house-guests until wednesday, and quite pleasant ones at that. i love laura. every time i see her it's like we talk everyday. it's comfortable. normal. comforting. i was really glad to see her. not to mention, the less time alone the better!

tuesday i broke the news to my therapist. she was all excited for me the last time i saw her, back when colin still liked me. during the 'exciting phase'. i looked at her with my crinkled up face and said 'so what now?'. she said 'you take a deep breath, and move on'. she followed up with 'diana- people have been doing this since the dawn of time. most people start doing this when they're 13'. thanks laura (my therapist is also named laura), but telling me that not only did i get dumped but i'm behind the relationship experience of a 13 year old- not helping. although, i suppose she has a point. this is what dating is all about. people meet, they try each other out. usually it doesn't work out. they move on to the next. until someone sticks. did i think i was going to marry colin? no. did i think it would have lasted a bit longer? well yeah- i hoped it would. because dating is fun. having a boyfriend- is FUN. it's NICE. and i was hoping i'd get to see what it was all about for a while longer. but if he wasn't feeling it, i supposed it's better he told me now rather than 3 or 6 months down the line when i was way more invested.

still. it sucks all the same.
we also saw kris and mark on tuesday night, and when i told kris he said this: 'i'm sure people are being really supportive and telling you it's all ok. but i mean, it just sucks. so i'm sorry. but there isn't anything that i can say more than that.' and you know what? i fucking loved that. i really did. way to keep it real, kris. i appreciate it. hearing how great i am and how i'll find someone new before i know it is nice and all- but sometimes just hearing 'well, that sucks' works just as well.

anyway, enough with the play by play of my week. i've had a great week. i have been sleeping so well, because i tire myself out each and every day. no time to sit and wallow. what's the point anyway, it won't change what happened. and it won't make me feel less rejected.

so. onwards and upwards. i have a drinks date tomorrow night. i now understand why some people go right out and try to meet people immediately after a break up. having someone else to think about is much better than sitting home alone thinking about someone who didn't want you. do i think i'm going to love this guy (drew is his name)? well, no, probably not. but maybe. maybe i'll really give him a chance and see where it goes. perhaps i might even let him do a magic trick for me, or forgive him if he gets my name wrong. or reserve judgment until after a second date (!). but if his email address resembles anything involving body parts the deal is off.

anyway, i just thought i'd write this all down and let you know i'm still here. i have regained my desire to blog (after a short and well deserved break, and that whole heartache thing). i've also regained my desire to do something new in my life. lots of new. change is good. change can help you heal and help you deal. so stay tuned, cause i'm still swinging ;)