Escape from Bangkok

Ok, so i've technically been home for a while now. But what can I say, these things take time. And i've been busy readjusting and working and getting ready for the holidays. But here it is!

As some of you may or may not know, about a month ago I went with my mother on a vacation to Thailand- land of smiles (I believe that's the slogan, I didn't make it up or anything). We spent two weeks being driven around the beautiful country, eating delicious food and praying at buddist temples (ok maybe we didn't actually pray, but we saw A LOT of temples). Our guides for most of the trip were my mom's friend Abe and his wife, Anong. Anong is thai, and therefore speaks the language and was able to help us out with everything from ordering at restaurants to bargaining at the markets. We enjoyed a wonderful two weeks....

However, upon our arrival in Bangkok, we were greeted with the beginning of the protests by the PAD (a people's democracy party) against the government- specifically the prime minister. See, a few years ago, Thailand was under the thumb of a wee dictator, Thaksin. He was exiled a few years ago, and the country is now run by his brother in law, who apparently, is not very popular. The PAD feel that the country was continuing to be run by Thaksin through this puppet leader, and staged a sit-in to protest and try and force the Prime Minister to resign. Unfortunately for any travelers in Thailand, they decided to 'sit-in' at the airport.... we flew into Bangkok threw the domestic airport, since we were already in the country. At this point the international airport had already been closed for a day. The day after we got there, the domestic airport closed down as well.

At first we decided to ignore it. Everyone kept telling us things would die down and the airports would reopen in no time, allowing us to leave on time- on Friday November 28th (the day after thanksgiving). We toured around the city, and outside the city, and had an overall great time (pictures to come....) However each day we heard the same thing "still closed...i'm sure it'll be cleared up by tomorrow". Yeah, we were only supposed to be in Bangkok for 3 days. On thanksgiving night I said a prayer that there would be a coup (which we were told there would be, a 'nonviolent' one though, don't worry) and for us to be able to pack up on time. We hoped and prayed and planned for things to go smoothly. Unfortunately, that wasn't in the cards. We woke up friday morning to a continued standoff and both airports still closed.

After being informed of this, still in my luxurious bed at our gorgeous hotel, i promptly threw a fit. An all out toddler sized tantrum, with flailing limbs and whining- to my gracious mother, who wanted nothing more than to be able to leave just like I did. We had been scheduled to fly that night on an 11:30pm flight to Tokyo, and catch our connection back to New York Saturday morning. I looked at my mother at some point that morning (over our stupidly large breakfast?) an said "we need to get to Tokyo", like, now. And that was it. My mom, my wonderful mother, got on the horn to her travel agent- Peggy. A goddess of a travel agent, really. They debated our options. There are 2 other airports in Thailand that fly internationally, one in the North/West and one in the South, 7 and 11 hours away, respectively. Neither of them had flights to Tokyo. Neither of them had available flights anywhere, as apparently we were way behind on the 'fleeing Bangkok' idea. Peggy could, however, get us a flight out of Cambodia that evening- in the right direction. Cambodia? How far away was that? Are we even allowed into Cambodia? this is kind of what it was like friday morning. My mom told me to start packing, just in case we found a solution. She then went off to talk to our tour guide, Tom (Abe and Anong didn't accompany us to Bangkok) in the lobby of the hotel. It turns out, the border of Cambodia is three hours from Bangkok, and you need a visa to get in. Luckily, visas were supposedly easy to get. Our guide and driver agreed to drive us to the border and help us get across and to the airport (another 3 hour drive). We packed up our things and hightailed it out of there. We were off on an adventure!

Of course, my mother thought we were going to die in a ditch somewhere in Cambodia, but I had faith in our plan.

So, we left our hotel at 11:15am. Our flight out of Cambodia (Siem Reap) was at 9:15pm. we had exactly 10 hours to get there. We got to the border in 3 hours, as promised. We then looked for a place to buy a visa. It turns out, right near the border there's a big market- and inside is a travel agency which happens to sell visas and helps people cross into Cambodia. How convenient. We bought some visas, which I thought might be like pieces of paper we were supposed to hand to someone cause it looked sketchy like that- but no they were real visas that got placed into our passports and everything. At this point we had to leave Tom our tour guide, as he wasn't allowed to cross the border with us. Relations between Thailand and Cambodia aren't hostile, per se, but they're not exactly buddy-buddy. So Tom helped us hire one of the agents to walk with us across the border and get us to a van on the other side, which we paid to take us to the airport. Of course we only paid half before hand, to help ensure they wouldn't dick us over and kill us in Cambodia (for mom's sanity). The guy, who never actually told us his name, was nice. He walked with us to the border, as our luggage was loaded into an ox cart and hauled across by another nameless guy (i'm not kidding- see photo for proof!)So, we stood on line in the immigration building to leave Thailand. They stamped our passport, as we officially exited the country, to meet our agent on the other side (he had some kind of pass so he could pass over the border multiple times a day without trouble). Then we entered 'No Man's Land". Most borders have this- the small plot of land technically in between two countries. Yeah, this one was depressing. I put my camera away because honestly, I was trying to fit in and avoid being mugged or anything else that may happen in a No Man's Land. The only building there was a large casino- and it looked like if you went in you'd have to fight (or win) your way back out. Uh Uh. Not me. I stood outside.

Now, the line to get into Cambodia, for those of you who may one day go on this route, is three hours long. There's only one guy working in the immigration kiosk. We did not have time for that, as it was already after 3, and mom was starting to stress again about getting to the airport on time (flight in T-minus 6 hours). The travel agent suggested we bribe a Cambodian policeman to stamp our passports in five minutes and enable us to bypass the immigration line. We, of course, readily agreed. Mom handed over 1000 Baht (about $30) and the agent took our passports into this hut and handed them to the police officer. I saw him from outside. The unsettling part was when he came back out without our passports. "umm where's my passport" I asked him. "oh the policeman has it" he responded. "yeah, so where's the policeman? I'd like my passport back". "he's going to meet us on the other side of this courtyard in five minutes". SAY WHAT. Now we're two American's hanging out in no man's land outside a casino in between two not so very friendly countries. Days after the Mumbai attacks (for those of you who missed that- British and American tourists were targeted. As were some jews. We're 2 for 2 on that one). I was not about to be relaxed about missing my passport. So i walked, alongside the luggage oxcart, basically shitting myself having images of working my life away in the sad casino, until the guy came running back over with our passports in hand. Never in my life was I so grateful to have a passport.

After that we just kind of strolled over the border. One guy almost asked to see my passport, but when he saw I was walking w/ the travel agent, didn't even bother asking. It was weird. I felt a little guilty walking past the long line of people waiting to get their passports stamped, but honestly- not that guilty. they could bribe a policeman too if they had thought of it.

So the agent tells us to get on a bus. At which point mom freaks out again cause we've hired a private van. But he assures us we have to take the bus to the van. And we'll only be on it for 10 minutes. Ok. Fine. I can handle that. It's an old rickety bus, holding at least 30 people and all their luggage INSIDE the bus, not on the bottom or on the roof. So it was crowded. And they wouldn't let us open the windows. So, minimal torture basically. And we had to wait for them to fill the bus up, so this bus driver could make some money on the trip. Apparenty most of the people were taking this bus (with no air or bathroom) to the airport we were going to, but it would take them almost twice as long (supposedly). We didn't ask a lot of questions, except for where the hell our van was.
But the ride was only 10 or 15 minutes, as promised. Down a bumpy dirt road to an abandoned building- which was the 'bus station'. We got off, made sure all the correct luggage was with us, and waited for our van. It was here we met a Canadian born doctor who was living in Phom Phen working at a clinic with 10,000 orphans. He was nice, and talked to us about Cambodian culture.

Then our van arrived, with the nicest couple ever. The driver spoke almost perfect english, much better than we heard in Thailand, and though his wife didn't speak any english, she brought a cooler with water for us. Neither of us really ate or drank all day though, cause we knew there was gonna be no stopping for the bathroom (and cause mom was too stressed to eat). So it's now 4pm. The driver says its a 3 hour ride to the airport, Siem Reap. Mom of course is cautious, but I have a feeling we're not going to die in a ditches today. And three hours is plenty of time to make our flight. So we settled into the van, and off we went. Straight shot down "National Highway #5"- aka- the biggest and bumpiest dirt road you've ever seen.

In Cambodia, everyone drives in the middle of the road. When someone is coming the other way, you honk and get to your own side, then return to the middle. When you want to pass someone, you honk a lot, pass them, then return to the middle. It's kind of crazy, but it works.

I had my face pressed up against the glass for most of the trip, because I was so fascinated by what I saw all around me. Cambodia is very different from Thailand. As the Canadian doctor told us, "it was bombed back to the stone age- how do you expect it to look?". It's still very third world-ish. Dirt road, wherever there was an attempt to modernize there were detour signs cause the road wasn't finished. So ever five minutes we were dipping into the shoulder. People on all sides were fishing, with nets or rods or whatever they had. 85% of the people I saw were not wearing shoes. The cows seemed more domesticated, tied up in the front yards of the houses on the roads. and the houses were definitely run down and made of more primitive materials. There were large cement buildings, but they were mostly deserted. People lived along the road in huts, which didn't appear to have much electricity. As the sun went down, I noticed that there seemed to be one light to a house, and it was in a family area where the families were sitting to have dinner. No tvs, no lights on upstairs. This was also very different from Thailand, where no matter what kind of shack you lived in you had a sattelite dish parked outside. This was definitely something else.

At one point during this ride, when mom seemed to realize things were going ok- she looked at me and said "we should be in a movie". And i thought- 'you mean this isn't one? i thought we were getting punk'd'. But I was glad she was calming down. When Moo is stressed, everyone is stressed.

We pulled up to the airport around 7, and our sweet van driver stayed outside to make sure our flight was ok and we had checked in. I'm telling you- nicest guy ever. We got stuck in the check-in line behind a large group of italian tourists, but at that point it was like "well, we're in Cambodia, and we made our flight- so we can't ask for much else". When we got into the gate area- for your information there were only 2 gates in the whole place- mom went straight to the little massage parlor they had- and got a 30 minute foot massage. Which by this point, was just enough time before boarding the plane. I decided to peruse the magazine racks and buy a croissant from the cafe (after not eating since breakfast i wasn't being too picky).

We eventually got on the plane, which left reasonably on time, and landed in Hanoi, Vietnam around 10:40pm. That's right- we hightailed it to Hanoi! We had a 2 hour layover before our flight to Tokyo, which we spent on the internet in the buisness class lounge (once we could find it- Hanoi is not the most organized of places in the middle of the night) and then got on our flight to Tokyo. At this point I was so exhausted from driving all day that I slept for most of the 4 1/2 hour flight. Japan is also two hours ahead of Thailand/Cambodia/Vietnam. So we arrived in Tokyo just before 7:30am saturday morning. I was still exhausted, but we had made it to Tokyo in time for our original flight home. Mom and I were the first people in the lounge, where I promptly passed out in my comfy pj-like clothes. Eye mask included. When I woke up a few hours later, I was surrounded by business men in suits and ladies dressed to impress. Oops. No one told me i'd have to look pretty after 24 hours of travel with one flight left to go. I went and bought lip gloss in the duty free shop.

And then we boarded our plane, JAL flight 6 to JFK New York. When the plane took off, I looked at my mother in some shock and awe and said "I can't believe we really made this plane. You got us to Tokyo". She just smiled. Cause that's what Evelyn does.

Eleven hours later we touched down at JFK. We basically sped through immigration, and when the guy said "welcome back" i said "you don't know the half of it". After 36 hours of traveling, we made it home, on time, with all our luggage. It was a thanksgiving miracle. Well, in any event I certainly did have something to be thankful for. And let's just say it'll be a while before I go on another long trip like that again....But you know, what's a trip to Asia without some political turmoil and border corruption?






*postscript- the airports in Bangkok were closed for a whole week, reopening the tuesday or wednesday after we got back to New York. However, due to the damage done while the demonstrators were there, it took longer for flights to begin leaving on schedule. We don't even know how long we would have been stuck there had we not left on our journey when we did.

**pps- even though my mom thought we were going to die in a ditch in Cambodia for most of the day, her orchestrating our escape and getting us to Tokyo in time for our original connecting flight- is one of the reasons she rocks. That's just how we roll in our family....

Sunday Night, and not any Blues in sight

I'm the type of person who has the sunday night blues. not really 'blues' in that i'm sad or anything. i just feel kind of anxious about the week. will i get to sleep? did i get everything done i needed to get done this weekend? what's coming up this week? it's not my most proud feature, but hey, there it is.
however, tonight i am not really feel very blue. i'm just tired. overtired, probably. i took the psychology gre on saturday- which i'd been studying for for two months straight. and today i went to an open house at chestnut hill college. another thing to cross off my list. the only thing standing in the way of me and thailand now is 2 applications, the essays for those applications, packing, oh, and about 20 clients. but it's getting closer!
i did something today i hadn't done in a while. well, two things actually. the first is i went for a drive. to a new place, to look around. well, technically chestnut hill isn't 'new'. but it is cute, and i hadn't been there in a while. and it made me feel good to get out and just drive for a little while.
the second thing was revisit some old music. i bit the bullet today and sat down to write my application essay. i figured it was about time, since you know, the application is going out this week. i put on Radiohead- the Bends. possibly one of my top 5 all time favorite albums. I was a latecomer to radiohead, only being introduced to them formally senior year of college. but let me tell you, this album got me through the entire spring semester of my senior year. i probably wouldn't have written a thesis without radiohead. so here i was- writersblock, a deadline- i went to my old friends. and it worked! i blared 'fake plastic trees' and words started flowing. what can i say, some things don't change. be thankful for small miracles.

Call of Duty

and no, i'm not talking about the video game. I couldn't sleep last night because I was so nervous about the election. I'm not taking anything for granted, and I can't read any more articles. Last night, I went to bed genuinely scared about what would happen today. Would people chicken out once they were alone in the voting booth? Is the Bradley effect a reality? How could we possibly deal if McCain won?
And I woke up- excited. Bubbly. Like a kid on the first day of school (well, if you were a dorky kid like me). I couldn't wait to vote!!! Seriously- I was so excited. I voted four years ago, but wasn't really excited about it. This time, I wanted to sit outside the polls all day and just watch people vote. That's how excited I am.
On my way to work the line to vote came out of the pizza shop (yes, i vote in a pizza shop) and went halfway down the block. at 8am! So I went on to work because I couldn't be late for my early clients. My kind and caring bosses at work let us go half an hour early today to get back home to vote- so when I did get to my pizza shop- the line was gone! It was fate! I stepped into the booth and kissed my Obama vote up to God, pressed the button, and smiled with glee. I get to vote. I get to make a difference. Sure, i'm one person. You're one person. We're all only one person. But together, we really can change the world. And tonight, fingers crossed, we will win.
I may stay up all night to witness the change I want actually happen. If Obama wins, I will be really proud of our country. I will get to tell my children and grandchildren that I participated in the election of the first African American President. And that I supported him 150%. I don't know if people really understand what a big deal that is. yes, we as a country have come a long way since slavery. But the civil rights movement was only 40-50 years ago. In our parent's lifetimes there was inequality and segregation and discrimination. And tonight Barack Obama will hopefully become the leader of our nation. This is huge. Really huge.
And I could not be more proud to be a part of it.

Not Bad for a Tuesday

Hiiiiiiiii.

It's Tuesday. After 10. I'm drunk. And really happy actually. After somewhat of a long day at work, I came home feeling somewhat ill- and promptly received a phone call from Jared- my long lost best friend. It was really good catching up w/ him, and he made my stomach feel miraculously better. Which was good, cause I invited people over for dinner. So i got to work making mom's recipe of chicken w/ cheese and string beans (w/ a packet of yellow rice). The food came out surprisingly well ( i didn't set off the smoke alarm once- even when pre-frying the chicken) and everyone seemed to like it. We also shared, and finished off, the largest bottle of wine ever. I think I had 4 glasses all by myself. Now for me, who doesn't drink very often- this is enough to make me wasted. walking funny, tangential thoughts, talking about embarrassing stories from my youth drunk. and you know what? I had fun. My girlfriends are awesome- and i really enjoyed sitting around talking about life and drivers tests and tv and baby names and music.

Now, i'm watching Fringe before i go to bed. Not always the best idea, watching a show about scientific oddities before bed. But i like pacey. so here i am. Tomorrow, I have a 12 hour day at work, and will probably be hung over before it all even starts. but for today, I couldn't have asked for a better tuesday night.

Double Feature

I've just started my weekend, and i've gotta say- it's gonna be a good one. I went straight from work to my favorite unassumingly large movie theatre, where i promptly used a free movie pass for a ticket to Nights in Rodanthe. I feel like it should be pronounced RodanTH, but the E is prominent, RodanTHEEE. Which is odd. In any event, it was typical nicholas sparks fare (except not as good as the notebook, come on) but it was free. I splurged on popcorn and a soda since i didn't have to pay for my movie ticket, and cause a girl's gotta eat.
Next i went through all the theaters on the first floor of the riverview, cause i had some time to kill before Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. Oh yes, my friend, oh yes. I saw two different parts of Eagle Eye, a little of the new Republican farce An American Carol, and umm, about 45 min- to an hour of Miracle at St. Anna, which was pretty good actually.
Then I moved on upstairs to the main event. I figured it was playing upstairs, since it was nowhere to be found on the first floor. So i went up there and to the bathroom, where i asked some high school chick who was obviously going to see Nick and Norah's which theatre it was in. Here are my reactions: First of all, Norah is my daughter's name- only i plan on spelling it Nora, jury's still out on the h. I am slightly worried that people will start stealing it now that it's a movie character name. Anyways, Secondly, its a wonderful piece of cinematic magic. It warmed my heart. It was just what I always wanted in a friday night michael cera music related teenage romady (get it? romantic comedy? who needs rom-com...). Mainly, because I love michael cera. love. not in the same way i love jim from the office, but in a 'hey, i'd like to be your best friend' awkward way. I think he'd appreciate it, i think we could have a magical friendship of awkward moments and too much information. In any event the movie is fun, the characters are fun (he's in a band with 2 gay guys, perfect), and the music is fun. GO SEE IT. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.

so after my two and a half feature (all for the price of popcorn and a soda, mind you) i found my way home, and am downloading music and listening to wxpn, while my perfect cat purrs beside me. I'd say it's basically the perfect start to the weekend, wouldn't you?

A Dating Story

Picture This:

A long long time ago (like 2 weeks or so), in a galaxy far far away (otherwise known as the suburb of Newtown) I found myself on a date. Let's call him.....the magician.
For this particular date I broke my cardinal rule of no leaving Philly, make him come to me. The magician was new to the area, had never been to philly, and really didn't seem to keen on coming into the city. I agreed to drag my ass up to Newtown because in our emails and phone converstaions (brief as they were) the magician made me laugh. Something new and different for my eharmony dates! So i decided 'what the hell', threw caution to the wind, and drove the 40 minutes up 95.

The magician is a teacher at a private school, and lives on campus. I arrive, and he greets me in a parking lot outside his building...but standing 20 feet away from me and saying "hey". I'm all "hello? is that you over there? where am i? why are you standing so far away?" He leads me into the dorm (sophmore boys, how appropriate), into his apartment- which is empty. No, like really empty. I am greeted by a large tv, a desk with a computer, and a tin single bed like i slept on at camp. This was all the furniture spread out over 3 large rooms. Oh, and some bookshelves filled with boring books (all college text books, no actual 'i like to read' books). Strike one.

The magician promptly asked me what I wanted to do. To which i thought, "me? but you invited me here! i don't know what there is to do here, but i'd prefer something where i can sit. like, on a chair". Instead i said, "ummmm what is there to do here?". he replied "oh, ummm. not much. i guess i didn't think about what we would do when you got here". Strike two. How do you not think about what you're going to do on a first date, especially when you're forcing someone to come to you and you don't have any FURNITURE. Needless to say, his bright idea was to give me a tour of the campus. It was pretty, and pretty boring. It took all of say, 10 minutes. and i spent a few of those sitting in the magician's classroom at a desk that made me feel i was back in high school. which was not my prime dating time. Let's move on.

So we're back in the empty apartment, he's wrangled up an uncomfortable chair for me to sit on. the magician proceeds to talk about himself, incessantly. in our 2 and a half hour date i think i learned his entire life story without really asking. During this particular stretch, he begins to tell me that he can't afford furniture- for a plethora of reasons, one of which is college debt, particularly racked up after valentine's day of last year when he took four friends to Las Vegas for the weekend. "oh, do you want to see the pictures?" inner monologue:"no not really, this is bizarre". cut to us on his facebook account, looking at his drunken photo album of him and his FOUR GIRLFRIENDS in las vegas, drunk off their asses getting lap dances. wonderful. classy. everything a date should be. Strike 5000. Funny enough, I don't leave yet. This is still near the beginning of the date....just wait.

So mr. magician is waxing poetically about his debt and how he likes to spend money, and the stupid tshirt he's wearing cost him $300 at the Louis Vuitton store in vegas. First of all, who spends $300 on a tshirt? and Secondly, who buys tshirts at louis vuitton? buy a wallet or a scarf or a piece of fabric that looks like luggage. not a tshirt. but okaaaaaay fine. I announced I am hungry. He says, "ok i know a place we can go"- aka- the only restaurant he's ever been off campus, which is 100 yards away. He makes me drive. It's a sports bar. Great. We sit outside, even though it's overcast. Like he is worried we might have to make a quick getaway. I'm thinking i'm the one who is going to run away, but whatever.

So. We sit, he keeps talking about himself. Why he's 24 and just graduated from college, how he spent 2 years after high school living in new york doing nothing but mooching off of various people and working odd, kind of crappy jobs. lovely. Oh wait! First there was the story of how his co-workers think he's an alcoholic. Great first date story, magician. Way to warm me up. Apparently he went out w/ some other teachers and had six drinks and wasn't drunk- and like, went around telling everyone he wasn't drunk? And so now he 'has a problem'. It's the big gossip on campus. It's also ridiculous and information I don't really need to know. Like ever.
While he's telling me this story I ordered a diet coke. He has a coke. He only gets through half of it though before telling me that soda bothers his stomach because he's incapable of burping.......(that's my silent awkward face in response). He then orders a drink, a shot of ammaretto, a shot of chambord, and half and half (ick, sounds gross). The waitress asks him if it's got a name, so she can enter it into the computer- oh yes. it has a name. This lovely drink concoction is called a Wet Pussy. (Cut to me almost spitting out my soda all over the table). The waitress cracks up- clearly this is her lucky day. She delivers the drink minutes later, saying the bartender has never heard that name- this drink is really called Nuts and Berries, and is apparently a favorite among the gays. (Cut to the magician making a face and sulking at being called gay).

Ok so- going well so far, right? As i'm eating my chicken fingers (in a basket, in case you were wondering) the magician continues his worldly life stories. and interjects that he is "really really smart" and "didn't go to class at all in college, cause he could teach himself his entire college education, while drunk and magic" (you know, the game magic, i don't know how to explain it). Once again, cut to me almost choking on my chicken finger, partly cause it was really hot, and partly because i can't believe i'm eating with such a jackass. like seriously. he sees me almost choking and instead of trying to help goes "oh, i guess that came out wrong- i just feel like i'm saying a lot of dumb things, and i don't want you to think i'm stupid". Well, now i think you're a rude jackass, don't mind me though i'm not CHOKING or anything. The fingers go down, i recover, everything is fine. This is when it's apparently my turn to shine:
"so, tell me about yourself"..... me: "well, what would you like to know? i'm not sure i can top some of your stories".... him: "oh i dont know, whatever". yeah thanks, at least pretend to be interested in something besides yourself and your wet pussy, dickwad.

When we finish eating and leave the bar, I decide we should drive through town, in an effort to avoid going back to the big gaping hole of nothingness that is his apartment. He agrees, but then when we get to the cute little one block downtown, he refuses to park and get out of the car for any reason whatsoever. There were some cute stores, a little street fair. No way no how. he's not interested. Silly me remarks that i'm seeing a few too many John McCain signs on people's lawns. what kind of people live in newtown anyway? Well, the magician is not into politics: "i'm apathetic. i don't really care about national politics". Ok. Really? Do you really think after all this that you're going to impress me with your surprising lack of opinion on something? No. you're not. especially something like the presidential race, which i find to be extremely important. What else you got for me magician?

Oh- no worries, as we're driving back to campus he tells me that- low and behold, he is a MAGICIAN (hence, the name). Like, a real, live magician. He apparently really moved to new york after high school to hang out with magicians. apparently they all hang out once a week at a restaurant on 35th street. you should go check it out. i bet its real cool.

Surprise surprise, we're back at the abyss of the apartment, only now he's doing card tricks. This is the longest god damned date of my life. Card tricks? Ok in fairness, they're actually pretty good. But WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. He tries to show me some booklet that was a lecture he gave to the magic community, but i'm beyond not interested in that. Stop trying to impress me magician, you lost me long ago, probably when you didn't even walk all the way up to me in the parking lot to say hi.

Finally, FINALLY i leave to head back to the city. He walks me to my car, again stops like 10 feet away to like, wave as i walk the last part to my car (is he afraid of parking lots?). Yeah, great to meet you magician. So glad we did this. We'll have to do it again soon. I feel dumber for knowing your life story.

The best part, is that night he emailed me to tell me what a great time he had, and that we 'should definitely do it again'. Ummmmmm thanks but no thanks mr. magician. Get a clue.
Strike 4890348709032957.
Eharmony strikes again!

A No Good Very Bad Day

So. There's lots of things to discuss. I've been gone for a while, and i've been busy. There are funny yet sad dating stories to share. But not right now. Now, i'm going to describe my day. Because I need someone to appreciate the craziness of my day.

Work was busy, busier than usual. I had five clients back to back, and they all showed up! Some clients are making progress, others were harder to deal with, and by the end of the day i was exhausted and cranky. Now, my mother was coming to visit today. I've known this for a while, and was preparing the apartment for her arrival. I still had to clean the bathroom though. So while I was looking for parking- my mom called. She was standing somewhere around 30th St. Station waiting for a bus. I told her she had to be on Chestnut St., she said she was. But there was no bus stop. I told her to walk towards Center City until she saw a bus stop. But no, that would be too much. Perhaps the buses no longer go down Chestnut st? To which i responded, ummmmm no. Septa doesn't just change major routes, just walk until you see an actual bus stop. My mother, the wonderful Evelyn- said i was being obnoxious and rude and she was going home. then hung up on me. Wonderful.

So I parked my car and came home to clean the bathroom and change. I threw some last minute things into the washing machine, and was on the phone with Matt updating him on my latest horrible date story (to be described later) when God decided to laugh at me:
a loud noise started going off in the apartment. I tracked it down, and low and behold my washing machine was overflowing! hurray! suds! I called my mom, who promptly told me i should call a plumber because it wasn't her problem. And oh, she was wondering the streets in case i wanted to know, cause i'm a terrible daughter who can't help her find the bus.
I went to call the woman who routinely has to fix my shitty washing machine, when i heard someone jiggling my lock. Thinking Evelyn had decided to cab it- i opened the door for her- except it was a hispanic handyman. Wearing a toolbelt. Wanting to fix things. I thought- how did you find out about my washing machine that fast? But in reality, he had the wrong apartment. Too bad he was insistent he had the right apartment, and was convinced I was wrong. Then came a ridiculous conversation involving me going "no really, i didn't hire you to come here. i don't have a problem in my bathroom. i promise. no- no i really do think you have the wrong apartment". the handyman called his boss- Jose. Then went off to find someone else's apartment to fix things in. In the meantime- Evelyn showed up.
She came in, and wandered around passive aggressively looking for the Gizmo while not talking to me. It was great. I went about my business and got the washing machine lady on the phone. I was instructed to put fabric softener into the machine to get rid of some of the suds, run it for 3 minutes, change the setting, run it for 10 minutes, then fill it up with a gallon of vinegar (??) and let it run again for the full cycle (sans soaking). so, add to my night tracking down a gallon of vinegar.
I'm trying to get on my way to supervision, like i do every thursday, but mom decides she wants to talk. Particularly about why i'm such a terrible child who's always rude to her. Which i'm not, by the way. She is uber sensitive and considers rude to be me not calling her everyday in a bright and shiny mood with good news. Oh please. So she threatens to go home and punish me by trying to make me feel guilty. and i tell her that she's gotta do what she's gotta do.
Oh by the way, Jose the boss handyman showed up- and showed me his list of things to fix in my apartment. A few minutes were spent convincing him that he meant apartment 300, not 301. He was insistent that it was 301- but finally he went away after i told him he should try and put his key into the door and would realize it wouldn't work- cause he had the key to 300. And i hadn't hired him and wouldn't be paying him.
Now late, I went off to supervision to apologize to my supervisor and discuss my oh so lovely day. I then went and got my nails done, and went to meet this mysterious Penn grad with a business proposition at Starbucks (oh, and i found vinegar at an asian market) but was stood up, and sat sipping my non fat mint mocha not wanting to go home.

But home I came, unloading my vinegar into the washing machine, praying it works, catching up on tv just awaiting the wonderful weekend ahead. Full of passive aggressiveness i'm sure.

The dating stories will have to wait.