i cannot believe it is only wednesday.

something sad happened today. dr. ellis, the psychiatrist we have been working with for a year or so- died today. my boss called me after work to let me know. it's sad.
he was 80. and he had health problems. but we loved him just the same.
the funeral is on tuesday. sherri said we should be able to go if we want to, but i'm undecided so far on if i want to go. i know that sounds terrible, but i don't do funerals very well. i mean- who does really. no one is like 'yay a funeral! let' go!'. but i think i feel like it would be weird to go. so many people who were so important to him. and me and sherri and jake. random. i just don't know.

and now we have to tell our clients. that is not going to go well. this is going to be stressful. i know i may seem detached, because for all intensive purposes i am. but it's weird. i Knew him. i saw him once a week at work. i got him water or coffee and bothered him a million times a day on thursdays. and yet i feel reserved. i am thinking about my clients and how to tell them and how we are going to have to deal with this. and it's like i won't let myself think about it on a personal level. perhaps it's just easier that way.

fuck. i have to get up in less than 7 hours.

take me out to the ball game!

the summer seems to be flying by! it's already the end of june! i, for one, am ready for it to be not quite so hot. except i know it's only going to get worse in july and august. for those of you in philly, a heat advisory is in effect for tomorrow and thursday. it's supposed to be 100 degrees.
i wish i could call out sick and go to the movies and stay cool. instead, i will be getting up and out to go to a 'pancake breakfast' with my colleagues at an ihop on city line avenue. my boss has decided that we need to 'bond'. perhaps i'd rather go to the gym- but that's neither here nor there. i will go and bond and pretend that i'm not completely burnt out and wanting to leave. or be sleeping in. actually, who am i kidding, my colleagues know me well enough by now to know i'd rather be sleeping in. but i'll go anyway.

soooo right. back to tonight. my friend lisa invited me a while ago to a phillies game tonight- through the Collaboration, a jewish singles organization she belongs to. we went to a happy hour with them a few months ago and had an....interesting time. and i really wanted to a)hang out with lisa and b) go to a phillies game. so i was in! we had an awesome time. there will be pictures to come (i'm too tired to upload them right now). lisa always makes me laugh. and i feel like we can talk about a lot of potentially inappropriate topics and it's totally normal. so we mingled, we had a few beers (well, i was driving- so i had only one), we took in the game (they won- go phils!) the weather really turned around and was gorgeous by the end. a perfect tuesday night :)
next diana and lisa activity: live band karaoke! who's in?!

unexpected

this weekend brought some unexpected things.

firstly, i learned about drum core. a lot about drum core. and i didn't even hate it. it was fun- and entertaining!

secondly- i went to the new steven starr restaurant with mimi and jeff. el rey. it was very unassuming, and totally cool. and there wasn't even a wait! we walked right in at 7pm on a saturday. a nice surprise, and quite a difference from el vez. the food was amazing, as was my mango margarita. :) (which was followed by four rum and diet coke's- ending with a pleasantly drunk diana)

thirdly- i introduced colin to two of my friends (that would be the aforementioned mimi and jeff) and it went really well. everyone got along, we played some good rounds of erotic photo hunt. it was low key and fun, which is a really good saturday night in my book.

then today my dad surprised me by deciding that we needed to eat (as a family) at 3:30 in the afternoon. it being father's day and all, we had to do what he wanted. so off we went to a chinese restaurant. i mean, 3:30 doesn't even count as an early bird special. its before the early bird special! bizarre. but hey, the food was good. and my dad was happy. so there you go.

i think the most unexpected thing to happen this weekend was colin. (and actually i have no idea if colin reads this, if so- hey there colin). i've gone out with colin a few times in the past few weeks. he's always been fun and interesting and i've really enjoyed being around him. but i believe as of this weekend he is actually my...boyfriend. ? i mean, it's not a question. he is. it is just kind of a weird concept for me. and i feel really happy/weird/somewhat overwhelmed/mostly happy and smiling a lot about it. to people who may ask me about it in the coming days/weeks- i may be somewhat awkward talking about it- but take my word for it: this is a good thing. and i am really happy. and i think that was the most unexpected thing of all to happen this weekend. :)

a field of little drummer boys

happy friday!

i'm blogging from work (again) because its the end of the day and i don't feel like writing any more progress notes. not that i've been super productive today- but hey, at least i made it into work.

what i am about to do tonight is something i never thought i would do: i am going to a drum core concert. in allentown, pa.

what is drum core, you ask? good question. i'm not exactly sure, but it's kind of like a marching band.
why am i going, is your follow up question? well, as it turns out, colin was in the Cavaliers, one of the drum cores performing tonight. he wants me to go see them with him. i said yes, because he seemed so earnest and excited when he asked. it was endearing.
and yet, now i have to actually Go. to Allentown. and sit through three drum core performances.
is it mean to say i'm kind of scared? by the intensity of these impending performances? i feel like i'm about to experience a cheerleading competition or something. i only like those in the movies.
however, i am going to go out on a limb here, because it's something new and different. oh, and because i guess this is what people do when they are kind of sort of dating someone. show interest in things they usually would not be interested in because the other person is way into it. right? here goes nothing...

do better

today wasn't the best, but it wasn't the worst either.

work was crazy. maybe a bit crazier than usual. i was able to handle it, and when i got tired and fed up at the very end, my client's five year old son came in and hugged my leg. he then gave me a small pinwheel. to keep. who can complain after something like that happens?

i came home, and did some emotional eating- but it was maoz, so i can tell myself that it's 'healthy'. honestly i was craving maoz. they have amazing hummus. seriously. its good. i even asked for 'extra hummus' in my salad box instead of their overcooked slice of eggplant. it was worth it.

i had made myself an appointment at the genius bar at the apple store in KOP mall. my ipod touch, which was a christmas present, stopped playing music through headphones. i ended up with a brand new ipod touch (it was under warranty)- which is fun. although i now have to reload it to my specifications. but i threw in a new fancy case for it. and left feeling like a rockstar. well, one with a new ipod touch anyway...

and i ended up in supervision with shirley. i realized today that i have a therapist who i pay to complain about my life. and a supervisor who i pay to complain about my job. i love both of them. i don't think i could do without them in the long run. but honestly? i do a lot of complaining. to my credit, i think i do try and make positive changes when they are suggested. and everyone needs to vent. it's just funny to think about- i'm a therapist, and i have my own entourage of people i pay to keep me going.

so what i've decided to take away from today is that i need to do better. i'm becoming increasingly unhappy at work. so i need to work harder to get a new job. i tend to do emotional things- like eating and spending money. so i need to set myself a budget and really stick to it. and i need to go start working out instead of eating emotionally. i need to do a better job of taking care of myself and setting myself up for positive things in the future. this is the only part of the plan i've developed so far. the rest (as in, the actual steps to this positive future) will have to come in time.
in the meantime i will sit and spin my pinwheel, and try and focus on the good things.

i have this memory. i'm in the back seat of my mom's car. the seats are leather. it's night time. i have no idea where we are coming from- but it doesn't matter. because this happened more than once. i am half asleep, and we're listening to 101.1 (cbsfm) on the radio. it doesn't matter what song is on, because they are all amazing.
i love oldies music. love it. i find it amazingly comforting, because it was such a presence in my life growing up. always in the car. the main dj i remember from cbsfm was 'cousin brucey'. at one point i thought we were actually related to him- because he called himself cousin. but as it turns out, we are not related.

i learned to love elvis in the back of my mom's car. franky valli. the temptations. smokey robinson (oooo smokey robinson). so many others i can't even count. i go to this music when i need a pick me up. i listen when i'm feeling good and feel like bopping around. i can basically listen to it all the time.

this probably led to my theory that everyone should go to graceland- as an 'american mecca' as i used to refer to it. well, the paul simon song 'graceland' might have also had something to do with it also. but yeah. that's a whole other story.

sooo i don't really know what my point was here. i just have been thinking a lot- about being in the back of my mom's car. that feeling of being so tired you just ache. and also feeling safe and warm, and able to fall back asleep in the back, knowing that when i wake up we'd be home and i could get into bed. i think it means i'm tired. i haven't been getting enough sleep.

so i'm gonna go work on that.

squatter

it appears that my apartment, which was gutted and redone before we bought the place, was created to only last for about three years. things have started falling apart at a ridiculous rate.

first, the washing machine breaks every six months. it is currently broken, and has been for going on three months. there is no word on when it will be fixed. this is old news.

then the stove/oven went. gas leak, led to me calling an appliance repair place- and three weeks later, me calling a second appliance repair place because the first one never called me back about the parts for my fucking stove. the second repair person is coming on wednesday morning. apparently, whoever chose the appliances for this building chose a stove range that is a random brand that few people service and apparently it is hard to get parts for. great. thanks for that contractors.

finally, i realized this morning that there is a real problem with the water pressure in my apartment. i thought it was a fluke on friday, but realized today in the shower that it is indeed a reoccuring problem. i usually have a nice shower- lots of pressure, just the way i like it. both the bathroom and kitchen sinks are low in pressure, and totally annoying. luckily, i got evelyn on the case, and she called the management company, who is sending a plumber out tomorrow to hopefully fix that right up.

WHAT THE FUCK.

at least the roof is no longer leaking. that was fixed (after three separate visits by roofers over the course of two years). but i still have not gotten around to fixing my ceiling, so it's not looking its best. plus, i haven't vacuumed in a week or two. so gizmo's hair is floating around like tumbleweeds across the desert of my floor.

this is ridiculous. i feel like i'm squatting in my own apartment because things are becoming more and more useless. thank god the cable still works.
i need to get this shit together- and fast.