three strikes?

in about half an hour i'm going on my third first date in six days. and it seems about as promising as the first two...

'what are you talking about?' you might ask. well, let me tell you:

last thursday, the fateful day when i began my 90 in 90 adventure, i went on first date #1. Let's call him Tim. That was, in fact, his name. and he was boring. looked older than advertised. not currently working. big dreams of opening his own brewery- which is cool, if he had a personality to go with it. the date lasted approximately 45 minutes to an hour, and it was filled with awkward questions, back and forth, no real flow to the conversation. the best thing about it was the fig salad i had with my glass of pinot gris. next.

sunday i had first date #2, we can call him the Turk because he's Turkish- something i did not realize until he called me tell me he was running late. i'm not really into foreign guys, especially ones who are half an hour late and then say 'thats how things are in my country'. really? cause that's kind of rude. five minutes is one thing, 30 is another. plus, he had that somewhat creepy lack of personal space knowledge, and stared a little too intensely and skeeved me out. next.

tonight: paramedic. since i haven't met him yet i'll give you what i know. i think he's 28, looks cute. lives in the graduate hospital area. kept giving me his phone number in our email conversations, which i promptly ignored because i don't like initiating phone contact with strangers. however, he asked me to text him b/c his email was 'broke up'. i don't know what that means, but i figured, fine. so earlier today i texted him to determine our meeting place. after texting back and forth two or three times, he says 'can you email me? this phone is no good for texting'. seriously? get it together buddy- which one is it- email or text? however this time he asked me to email his personal account. want to know the email address? megabuttface@blahblah.com. MEGABUTTFACE.

this is what happens when you meet people on the internet people. you end up having drinks with a boring hopeful unemployed man, an intense turkish guy, and a megabuttface paramedic.

three strikes and i am out.

voices from the deep...of my tv

i realized recently why companies hire celebrities to do voice-overs during their commercials. there is something comforting about a recognized voice. it makes your ears perk up, makes you feel comfortable and trusting. i realized this during a mazda commercial. i have a soft spot in my heart for mazdas because i learned to drive on a mazda millenia (dark green) and i loved that car. i also think the new mazda 3's are cute. and do you know who does the voice-overs for mazda? patrick dempsey. mcdreamy himself. (or as i still like to remember him- ronny in 'can't buy me love'). i love his voice. its calming and sexy and inviting. i would honestly think about buying a mazda if frank the tank ever died. (god forbid).

you know who else i recognized in one of the few commercials i happened upon recently? jim from the office. i can't help referring to him like that- because i love jim, and i think john krasinski should be like jim in real life (how can he not be?). and ever since he got engaged to emily blunt i refer to him strictly as 'jim from the office' because the thought of him getting married in real life irks me. i'm irrational. move on. anyways, jim does verizon commercials. i'm a tmobile girl myself, but i always listen to jim's voice during verizon commercials- these days it's that one where the family is on a cruise and the girl is surprised to see her dad relax. if you don't know what i'm talking about...well, good for you, you probably have more hobbies that don't involve the tv. anyway- jim's voice- smooth.

but the smoothest of the smooth, the grand pooba of good voices, i would listen to this man read the phone book: george clooney. as far as i know he doesn't shill any product in tv commercials, but good lord if he ever did i might go back to watching live tv. i don't usually go for older men, but it was his voice that really got me involved with george in my dreams. and involved we are. put on a george clooney movie: like maybe, the scene with julia roberts in the bar in oceans 11. or maybe out of sight (with j lo- in case you don't know your clooney movies), or maybe even an old episode of ER. close your eyes and listen to that man whisper. then swoon appropriately.

yes, my friends, a voice is a powerful thing. if i can't have a deep-voiced celebrity, maybe i should marry a radio personality?







*for those of you who are interested: i made it to the gym yesterday! i was going to go today after work but got home kinda late and decided to settle for sit-ups and baking banana bread. 90 in 90 still in tact!

babies, ben and bullock

quite the interesting saturday.

i had some plans. i was going to be productive. i woke up just after 9, and was out of the house headed to cvs for some wrapping paper and random things at 11. unfortunately, cvs didn't have what i wanted and i left feeling very unsatisfied (which is unusual for cvs. they usually come through for me and i spend too much money on fun things i never knew i needed). this seems to have thrown off my day- as i was then very unproductive and ended up being late for audria's baby shower at 1.

speaking of- i spent my afternoon at audria's baby shower! she's expecting twins in june! it's all very exciting, and i think it was only the second baby shower i've ever been to. two of audria's sisters were there- and they are very nice (much like audria herself). i kind of want to be like her sister jane. she seems very creative and put together and mature. sometimes i meet people that i admire without really knowing them, and i feel like i want to be more like them. actually, my friend jane from college is also one of those people. she's smart and funny and everyone loves her immediately. maybe there's something about people named jane...

anyway. baby shower. it was fun, we snacked, decorated onesies, watched small children of various ages play- and then felt so tired i thought i needed a nap! aren't kids supposed to run out of energy at some point? that didn't happen. i was tired, the kids kept playing. i ended up walking around south street and did some window shopping and spoke to katie on the phone. she's due in two weeks! all the baby stuff made me think to check in on her (she's doing well, by the way). but then i came home and it was already after 6 and i felt like not really doing anything. i tried to motivate myself to go to the gym, i really did. but it just didn't happen. it would appear that the gym thing is going to be hard. as much as i want to lose weight and i really don't mind working out- getting there is like 3/4 of the battle. blah.

so just when i thought my night was going to be a useless waste of normalcy (me on the couch)- ben called to see what i was up to! and he rescued my night! we went to run some late night errands in south philly. i investigated new digital cameras at best buy (surprisingly, i think i'm leaning towards a nikon coolpix, or a sony cybershot).
we then headed to ikea where ben bought a new kitchen table and chairs. we got there 20 minutes before closing, so it was speed shopping. but it was fun! i almost broke his table when it fell out of the weird cart i was pushing, and we wanted to leave out the entrance b/c his car was closer to that door- but that area was closed, so we slipped under the partition and i unlocked and pushed open the automatic doors. for a second i thought we might get arrested, but an ikea employee saw me and didn't say anything- so we just ran for it. i found this incredibly amusing.

we then went to chickfilet- or as ben calls it- jesus chicken. i have never experienced the jesus chicken before, and it was quite tasty. i found that i really liked the french fries. they were like real potatoes! and the nuggets were cute and little- and a reasonable portion. overall, i give jesus chicken a thumbs up.

our last stop of the night was target, one of my favorite stores on earth. i was there on wednesday buying baby stuff for audria, but tonight was just for me. i spent $40 on things like hand soap, picture frames, black and white tank tops, and 'girls just wanna have fun' on dvd. overall very good purchases. i'm quite pleased. while we were there we also ate ikea dark chocolate- which was better than i expected. :) ben just makes me laugh. i love that we talk about random things that i don't think to talk to other friends about. like zits and men and condoms. he's honest with me, and i really appreciate that. and i feel like i laughed a lot tonight, which is always a plus.

and now- now i'm watching the proposal. what is not to love about this movie? i love sandra bullock, always have- always will. and ryan reynolds? delicious. seriously, i want to lick honey from his chest. but really, i wanted to watch this movie tonight because i love sandra bullock and i want to support her at this difficult time in her life. jesse james is a stupid asshole. and i want to be sandra bullock (and jennifer garner, but that's a whole other story), so i'm watching the proposal- and damn it- i'm enjoying it.

and just like that, i had a nice little saturday night. who knows? maybe tomorrow i'll even make it to the gym!

one day at a time

i made it! i bet some of you thought i was going to fail before i even got going. i would be included in that group. things are busy. this is going to be hard. however, i've gotten a lot of really nice support. so thanks, guys. i'm going to stick with it!

here's a rule i just came up with though: if i post something after midnight (like for instance, it's now 11:29 but depending on how long this takes it may not go up til 12:02) then it still counts for today- friday april 9th- because it was friday when i started the post. and i'm one of those people who doesn't count the day change until i go to bed and then wake up to a new day.
plus, this is my project. so i get to make the rules. got that? ok.

now, earlier this evening i already found myself saying "what if i run out of things to write about. what if i have nothing to say". i will point out that this is day 2 of this experiment (pathetic). i'm already overwhelming myself into disappointment. thankfully, i was out at mimi's fake bachelorette party and she told me "you're an addict. you have to go one day at a time".
touche, mimi.

so here i am.
*(for some reason the song 'take me the way i am' from rent just popped into my head. this is very random considering i hardly ever think about the show rent anymore, because it's no longer 1996)*


...friday nights are always interesting. i'm usually tired from the week, especially this week because we got really busy at the end there...but there's also some excitement for the 48 hours of totally free time ahead of you. it's like- it's friday! we get 2 whole days off! i wonder what i will do with this freedom! i, of course, usually end up watching a movie on my couch and staying up way too late just because i can. dicking around the apartment and moving things around in the spirit of 'cleaning up'. and then i sigh because i am very relaxed but totally antisocial.

not today though! no. today was an unusually busy friday at work- i actually left 10 minutes late (a rarity for me on a friday) and had to haul ass home to find a parking spot and run over to my wax appointment, where i shmoozed with my waxer/bff jenne and then hightailed it to roosevelt's for mimi's shindig. (wow, that was a lot of tacky words in one run-on sentence). we proceeded to go out and have a few beers, played some erotic photo hunt, got some pizza, learned about native americans in minnesota and was still home in time to get this blog done on time! seriously- what an exciting friday! (and did you know that lincoln hanged somewhere between 8 and 12 native americans in the twin cities? neither did i- thanks liz!)

and the best part about it is i still have 2 more days for fun and relaxation! glorious! oh, and the weather cooled down again so i can sleep with the window open and revel in the amazingly cool breeze while i'm snuggled under my blanket. also glorious....i hope some of you can do the same.

2 days down, 88 to go! :)

90 in 90

hello again. or should i say 'we meet again', dear readers/great white ether. its april 2010. i had intended to start writing more religiously with the start of the new year. but you know, shit happens, and then blink- its already april. i missed a whole quarter of the year. whoops.

well, that's why i'm here. i had an epiphany tonight. aided by marc banks, my favorite former resident of south hempstead, i have decided to do something called '90 in 90'. if you're an addict, you know what this means. in the D+A field (that is drug and alcohol, for all you laypeople), 90 in 90 means going to 90 meetings in 90 days. or- one a day. it supposedly helps with sobriety and provides a support system for someone who is newly sober or going through a rough patch in their sobriety.
so- how does this fit into my life, you ask? good question.

as i was walking home from another unsuccessful and surprisingly boring date, i called marc banks to discuss the sorry state of my life. at one point i had dreams. goals. ambitions. and i remember what they are! in fact, i still have them from time to time! my problem? self discipline. as in, i have none. zero. zilch. nada. i may set totally realistic goals for myself - but inevitably i give up and move on to the next thing. it's like i'm ADD about my life.

for example- i want to lose 10 lbs. this is a totally reasonable and realistic goal. i have been officially 'losing 10 lbs' since march 1st. i've lost zero pounds. (but i havent gained any either- so i consider this a small victory. and no, i'm not asking for your opinion). i'm not giving up on this goal just yet. in fact, i think i'm slowly dedicating myself too it each day. for instance, tonight i actually decided NOT to go get gelato with Ben like we usually do on thursdays (sorry ben). this was after my decision to regain some semblance of self-discipline though, so i couldn't exactly rededicate myself to a goal and then go and eat gelato now could i? also, before my date tonight i ate a brownie and a weight watchers ice cream pop and called it dinner. so eating gelato after the fact just seemed....gross.

another example- i want to be more of a writer. i think i have a personality that may lend itself to.....self-centered essays. or you know, writing about life. (hence this blog, hellooooo) not that i want to only write about myself. i just want to practice writing in general. get better at it, do it more regularly, see if i can figure out a way to translate it into more of a productive and maybe one day lucrative hobby. i've had this idea for a while. months, years, whatever. i told myself when the new year started i'd blog more regularly and just see how i felt about it. and look what day it is? I MEAN SERIOUSLY, i need help.

anyway, i digress. the point is- self discipline. i continually disappoint myself by not following through on goals or activities i want to try because i get lazy and ridiculous. i justify sitting on the couch and zoning out from the world. not cool diana, not cool.

and it's going to stop. today. well, i'm hoping to take baby steps anyway, starting right now. i am going to do my own version of 90 in 90. i am going to kick my addiction to laziness and my inability to follow through on personal goals. and i'm hoping somewhere along the way i will learn a little bit about myself and maybe feel a little better about my abilities as a productive human being.

so here goes: from today, april 8, 2010 until july 8, 2010 i will either write or work out (or both) everyday. i mean it. i can do this. i can. people beat addictions and find time to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. as marc banks told me earlier: "if president obama can find an hour a day to work out, i can find an hour and a half 4 times a week....". right. what he said.

as my reward, marc banks told me he will come visit me the weekend i finish in july! and you know, incentives really help boost my motivation. (i have also said i'm not buying any new clothes until i lose weight. a statement i regret saying almost weekly- and one that has resulted in an increase in jewelry purchases since march 1st) i came home from the park, where i had that fateful phone converastion, and spent 2 1/2 hours watching tv (ok so that's not proving my point- but read on). i was tired, and i wanted to just go to bed. but i did manage to turn down gelato and not eat any evening snacks. i figured 'marc won't really care if i start tomorrow, will he? or saturday?' and then i was brushing my teeth and thinking "i can't let marc down. i promised him i'd start this today" but more than that- this is for ME. and i have to stop thinking it's ok to let myself down. it's not. if you want to get better, you have to make a change. and just like michael jackson- i'm starting with the (wo)man in the mirror.

so 90 in 90 starts......now.

blahday

i came back to philly late last night- to avoid sunday traffic on a holiday weekend, and have the day to get things done and relax. instead, i woke up in a bad mood. i stayed in bed all morning and only got out of bed just before 2 to go to the gym. i realized it was nice out, probably for the last time in a while- so i showered and went out to run some errands.

i procured larry's christmas present, and a new bath mat. i then went to wegman's, where i was pleasantly surprised to find that my favorite dark chocolate covered raisins were back in the bulk candy aisle. this perked up my day a bit. sad, but true. i got some gyuza and a spicy tuna roll and came on home to settle in for the night.

and here i am- sunday night and feeling restless. i called overstock.com about the damaged bed frame they sent me. i updated my facebook picture. i watched the end of reality bites on one of my many movie channels. i gave in and texted pete when i was supposed to be waiting for him to initiate some kind of conversation. so now i'm feeling guilty and restless. and there's nothing to watch on tv. and i should be doing schoolwork, but i'm sick of class (with only 2 weeks left to go!) i keep thinking about going ice skating, and finishing my christmas shopping. i think about movies i want to see, friends i want to spend time with. but i feel down. i dont want to go to work tomorrow. i don't want to deal with my coworkers. i just want to hide in my office until christmas.

i was supposed to go on a date today, but i never heard back from the designated date. greg, is his name. or was- perhaps he died. and i dont really even care. today, dating seems like a chore. i know i should have a better attitude about it. maybe i will tomorrow. but dating, particularly online dating, is annoying. it's not natural or fluid. and it doesn't make me feel happy or excited. which honestly, is what you should feel like before you go on a date. and it's not low-self esteem making me feel like this. i know i'm a good date. i'm somewhat attractive and fun and talkative when i need to be. i think i'm easy to get to know, and definitely easy to spend a few hours with. i just don't care right now. because i feel blah. and it's times like this i wish i had someone i had already gone through the whole 'dating' thing with, and could just be comfortable with and have around. that would make me feel happier than the idea of dating. and then i could get into my giant queen-sized bed with lots of fluffy pillows and not feel so blah.

lifetime movie syndrome

for kelly.

it's almost thanksgiving. time seems to be flying by. and i am slowly turning into a cat lady. well, at least that's how it feels today. in reality my life is busy and...i don't know. fine. pretty good.

so i'm getting a new bed. updating from a full to a queen! very exciting. my dad came down yesterday, and we went to sleepy's- where i was accosted about my status as a single woman by the lady working there. you usually don't see ladies working in mattress stores. but there she was, asking me if i 'sleep alone'. rub it in lady. in your skirt business suit. telling me i can come back for a second pillow when i get a boyfriend. thanks lady. thanks. anyway it's being delivered on wednesday. with a free set of sheets and a pillow thrown in, perhaps to apologize for making me wear a sandwich board that says 'single' while in the store. and i'm excited about it.

work was fine. i'm getting sick of it. but honestly, it's not so bad. i'm just itchy for a change. some time off for the holidays will be good.

the best part of my day was when i received not one, but two phone calls from friends i was waiting to hear from. and it was so nice getting to catch up with them! katie, who is pregnant, is finding out the sex of the baby tomorrow!! and she's coming to visit in three weeks! and it's all just very exciting! i'm so excited to just be able to talk to her and hang out without goon around (no offense goon). but it's going to be cool.

then i caught up with jared- who's life is sadly not as exciting as the doctors on grey's anatomy- but he is much cooler than those characters anyway. one of the things i love about jared is that he just knows me. i can tell him all these embarrassing stories and complain about my love life and just life- and he gets it. and its nice. comforting and nice.

which brings me to my current position- on the couch, with gizmo, my cat, at my side. watching a lifetime movie that i dvr'd last night. in my defense, it's staring michelle pfeiffer and ashton kutcher. but come on, it's still a lifetime movie. which brings me one step closer to actually becoming the cat lady i'm afraid of becoming. thankfully the rest of my week looks to be more promising.

i think i need to make some changes in my life.