90 in 90

hello again. or should i say 'we meet again', dear readers/great white ether. its april 2010. i had intended to start writing more religiously with the start of the new year. but you know, shit happens, and then blink- its already april. i missed a whole quarter of the year. whoops.

well, that's why i'm here. i had an epiphany tonight. aided by marc banks, my favorite former resident of south hempstead, i have decided to do something called '90 in 90'. if you're an addict, you know what this means. in the D+A field (that is drug and alcohol, for all you laypeople), 90 in 90 means going to 90 meetings in 90 days. or- one a day. it supposedly helps with sobriety and provides a support system for someone who is newly sober or going through a rough patch in their sobriety.
so- how does this fit into my life, you ask? good question.

as i was walking home from another unsuccessful and surprisingly boring date, i called marc banks to discuss the sorry state of my life. at one point i had dreams. goals. ambitions. and i remember what they are! in fact, i still have them from time to time! my problem? self discipline. as in, i have none. zero. zilch. nada. i may set totally realistic goals for myself - but inevitably i give up and move on to the next thing. it's like i'm ADD about my life.

for example- i want to lose 10 lbs. this is a totally reasonable and realistic goal. i have been officially 'losing 10 lbs' since march 1st. i've lost zero pounds. (but i havent gained any either- so i consider this a small victory. and no, i'm not asking for your opinion). i'm not giving up on this goal just yet. in fact, i think i'm slowly dedicating myself too it each day. for instance, tonight i actually decided NOT to go get gelato with Ben like we usually do on thursdays (sorry ben). this was after my decision to regain some semblance of self-discipline though, so i couldn't exactly rededicate myself to a goal and then go and eat gelato now could i? also, before my date tonight i ate a brownie and a weight watchers ice cream pop and called it dinner. so eating gelato after the fact just seemed....gross.

another example- i want to be more of a writer. i think i have a personality that may lend itself to.....self-centered essays. or you know, writing about life. (hence this blog, hellooooo) not that i want to only write about myself. i just want to practice writing in general. get better at it, do it more regularly, see if i can figure out a way to translate it into more of a productive and maybe one day lucrative hobby. i've had this idea for a while. months, years, whatever. i told myself when the new year started i'd blog more regularly and just see how i felt about it. and look what day it is? I MEAN SERIOUSLY, i need help.

anyway, i digress. the point is- self discipline. i continually disappoint myself by not following through on goals or activities i want to try because i get lazy and ridiculous. i justify sitting on the couch and zoning out from the world. not cool diana, not cool.

and it's going to stop. today. well, i'm hoping to take baby steps anyway, starting right now. i am going to do my own version of 90 in 90. i am going to kick my addiction to laziness and my inability to follow through on personal goals. and i'm hoping somewhere along the way i will learn a little bit about myself and maybe feel a little better about my abilities as a productive human being.

so here goes: from today, april 8, 2010 until july 8, 2010 i will either write or work out (or both) everyday. i mean it. i can do this. i can. people beat addictions and find time to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. as marc banks told me earlier: "if president obama can find an hour a day to work out, i can find an hour and a half 4 times a week....". right. what he said.

as my reward, marc banks told me he will come visit me the weekend i finish in july! and you know, incentives really help boost my motivation. (i have also said i'm not buying any new clothes until i lose weight. a statement i regret saying almost weekly- and one that has resulted in an increase in jewelry purchases since march 1st) i came home from the park, where i had that fateful phone converastion, and spent 2 1/2 hours watching tv (ok so that's not proving my point- but read on). i was tired, and i wanted to just go to bed. but i did manage to turn down gelato and not eat any evening snacks. i figured 'marc won't really care if i start tomorrow, will he? or saturday?' and then i was brushing my teeth and thinking "i can't let marc down. i promised him i'd start this today" but more than that- this is for ME. and i have to stop thinking it's ok to let myself down. it's not. if you want to get better, you have to make a change. and just like michael jackson- i'm starting with the (wo)man in the mirror.

so 90 in 90 starts......now.

blahday

i came back to philly late last night- to avoid sunday traffic on a holiday weekend, and have the day to get things done and relax. instead, i woke up in a bad mood. i stayed in bed all morning and only got out of bed just before 2 to go to the gym. i realized it was nice out, probably for the last time in a while- so i showered and went out to run some errands.

i procured larry's christmas present, and a new bath mat. i then went to wegman's, where i was pleasantly surprised to find that my favorite dark chocolate covered raisins were back in the bulk candy aisle. this perked up my day a bit. sad, but true. i got some gyuza and a spicy tuna roll and came on home to settle in for the night.

and here i am- sunday night and feeling restless. i called overstock.com about the damaged bed frame they sent me. i updated my facebook picture. i watched the end of reality bites on one of my many movie channels. i gave in and texted pete when i was supposed to be waiting for him to initiate some kind of conversation. so now i'm feeling guilty and restless. and there's nothing to watch on tv. and i should be doing schoolwork, but i'm sick of class (with only 2 weeks left to go!) i keep thinking about going ice skating, and finishing my christmas shopping. i think about movies i want to see, friends i want to spend time with. but i feel down. i dont want to go to work tomorrow. i don't want to deal with my coworkers. i just want to hide in my office until christmas.

i was supposed to go on a date today, but i never heard back from the designated date. greg, is his name. or was- perhaps he died. and i dont really even care. today, dating seems like a chore. i know i should have a better attitude about it. maybe i will tomorrow. but dating, particularly online dating, is annoying. it's not natural or fluid. and it doesn't make me feel happy or excited. which honestly, is what you should feel like before you go on a date. and it's not low-self esteem making me feel like this. i know i'm a good date. i'm somewhat attractive and fun and talkative when i need to be. i think i'm easy to get to know, and definitely easy to spend a few hours with. i just don't care right now. because i feel blah. and it's times like this i wish i had someone i had already gone through the whole 'dating' thing with, and could just be comfortable with and have around. that would make me feel happier than the idea of dating. and then i could get into my giant queen-sized bed with lots of fluffy pillows and not feel so blah.

lifetime movie syndrome

for kelly.

it's almost thanksgiving. time seems to be flying by. and i am slowly turning into a cat lady. well, at least that's how it feels today. in reality my life is busy and...i don't know. fine. pretty good.

so i'm getting a new bed. updating from a full to a queen! very exciting. my dad came down yesterday, and we went to sleepy's- where i was accosted about my status as a single woman by the lady working there. you usually don't see ladies working in mattress stores. but there she was, asking me if i 'sleep alone'. rub it in lady. in your skirt business suit. telling me i can come back for a second pillow when i get a boyfriend. thanks lady. thanks. anyway it's being delivered on wednesday. with a free set of sheets and a pillow thrown in, perhaps to apologize for making me wear a sandwich board that says 'single' while in the store. and i'm excited about it.

work was fine. i'm getting sick of it. but honestly, it's not so bad. i'm just itchy for a change. some time off for the holidays will be good.

the best part of my day was when i received not one, but two phone calls from friends i was waiting to hear from. and it was so nice getting to catch up with them! katie, who is pregnant, is finding out the sex of the baby tomorrow!! and she's coming to visit in three weeks! and it's all just very exciting! i'm so excited to just be able to talk to her and hang out without goon around (no offense goon). but it's going to be cool.

then i caught up with jared- who's life is sadly not as exciting as the doctors on grey's anatomy- but he is much cooler than those characters anyway. one of the things i love about jared is that he just knows me. i can tell him all these embarrassing stories and complain about my love life and just life- and he gets it. and its nice. comforting and nice.

which brings me to my current position- on the couch, with gizmo, my cat, at my side. watching a lifetime movie that i dvr'd last night. in my defense, it's staring michelle pfeiffer and ashton kutcher. but come on, it's still a lifetime movie. which brings me one step closer to actually becoming the cat lady i'm afraid of becoming. thankfully the rest of my week looks to be more promising.

i think i need to make some changes in my life.

game on

hurray!

so that hurray is for a few things: the phillies are in the world series! they won game 1! i'm going out tonight to watch game 2! i get to eat wings! tomorrow is friday!

as you can see, lots of things to be excited about.

and i think that's what i'm going for right now. i've been feeling crazy and mess and unhappy lately. and i keep thinking that i want to change that, but i dont know how. well. today was a crazy day and i had to work late and didn't get to finish some things i wanted to do. yet i'm in a good mood. because of all those things up there with exclamation points behind them. it's like john cusack said in 'say anything' (which i read in EW is 20 this year!)- "how hard is it to just decide to be in a good mood, and be in a good mood?" i'm going with it john. or should i say lloyd. dobler. one of the greatest male movie characters ever.

i am looking for a dare to be great situation. it's out there- somewhere.

the phillies are looking for one too. lets go phils!

clockwork

ever since my birth control pill became a generic i've had pms like clockwork. seriously. its crazy. i watched 'how i met your mother' (last week's episode maybe?) where ted is teaching barney about robin, and he puts up that picture of her mad where her nostrils are flaring. i feel like i look like that. i'm a mess and i'm angry and moody and i don't even want to be around myself.

so i'm apologizing to anyone i came in contact with or maybe will come in contact with in the near future. really, i'm sorry. i will be back to normal shortly.
i feel like veda sultenfuss (i shouldn't have to name this movie) when she says "and don't come back for five to seven days!". although with this very same pill, it's really more like 3 or 4 days. have to take the good with the bad i guess.

and i should apologize to my grief counseling professor as well, because i have this paper due sunday night, and man oh man is it not getting done. I have written a page, and not even a good page at that. Looks like it's gonna be a loooooong weekend.

my summer, in summary

so. kind of left you hanging there for a moment (or a few months). sorry about that. things got busy. wanna see?

So arielle got married- these are some of my favorite pictures from the night! it was the perfect night-

weather was amazing, food was delicious, company was legendary. :) and by now, arielle and ben are over 4 months happily married!

Next up was my Hamilton 5-Year reunion. I can't believe it has been five years, but alas, it was. and it definitely was a time....

it was amazing seeing lissa and celine and staying in our own little suite on the dark side. not that we spent much time there... we were too busy getting chauffered around by cab hamilton (a soon to be senior math a music major who drove us around on his golf cart all weekend). because thats how alums should be treated...

The end of june brought a week-long cruise to Alaska w/ the Ransom family. God i love the Ransom family. we played a lot of cards and word games, as well as, you know- sightseeing around Alaska. which is beautiful, by the way. insanely beautiful:










this is in juneau and yukon territory. big in the gold rush in the 1800s (i'm embarassed that i can't remember the exact years)



And to the left here are glaciers from glacier bay. a whole day of staring at this right in front of my eyes. i actually had tears at some point because it was so beautiful. Probably the most memorable thing about the trip. I totally suggest going to alaska if you get the chance.

Let's see- next I think was my mom's birthday trip to Lancaster. She wanted to go antiquing, Arielle and I obliged:
we like to take pictures with cows...











ummm what else. right, that leads us to autumn's bachelorette party! the final weekend before labor day- there was alcohol, penis straws, and a lovely scavenger hunt list...mostly though there were some pretty ladies....


So that about wraps up my summer! i think you are all up to speed.


of course, there's the whole pete situation to explain, but that's another story for another night.

WANTED

Single male, age 26-30ish. Interested in relationship, starting out casual with potential to become more serious. Must have a college education and be currently employed. Have friends and interests of their own. It would help if you're not intimidated by educated and talkative women. Sense of humor a must. Enjoy good food and wine, movies, good conversation. Not afraid to make the first move.

Do not bother if you have: commitment issues, crazy ex girlfriend issues, mommy issues, are afraid of sexual contact, only interested in friendship, a serious mental illness.

Serious Inquiries Only.