a wise band once sang: you can't always get what you want. but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.
i always found this to be very profound. and i always hope that it's true. sometimes i think it is. you're upset about not getting something you wanted and can't see that right in front of you is something else you probably need and should wake up and see.
other times i really hope it's true. because those are the moments when i feel low and will take anything that might help in some way. something i need? sure! give it here!
in the mean time i'm sure they were talking about drugs. but i mean, the premise still holds true...
anyway, i'm already rambling.
i've had such a weird and nice weekend. and tonight, to cap it off, i saw the movie happythankyoumoreplease.
go see it.
no really, go see it. i loved it.
i am admittedly lame and i love books and movies (and sometimes tv) because sometimes they provide you with moments. moments where you feel connected to something- and understood. by the characters or the moral of the story or the mood in the theatre- because finally, Finally someone understands how you are feeling and has put it Right There in front of you for you to see and feel. and for a few minutes during and after you feel like OK. I am Not Alone in these weird feelings that i carry around.
of course, in movies and books, often the characters get to fix themselves. things work out in the end. or they die tragically. or i mean, sometimes they just go on with no resolution, but those are not movies or books that i enjoy. because what the fuck is the point in that.
but most of the time you are left with feelings like- jesus i really Felt that shit. and there's a glimmer of hope as you walk home from the theatre or sit and think about the book before putting it on the shelf. and you (well, in this case it's me) sigh deeply and just sit and think about Life. and the dumb things i feel sad about retreat a little bit. and the possibility of hope and good things and worthiness inch closer.
and i think to myself- you know diana- sometimes in life you don't always get what you want. (a lot of the time, sadly). but maybe, if i try, sometimes- i'll get what i god damn need. and wouldn't that be fucking fantastic.
*i realized upon re-reading this that i didn't actually share any of the moments (and there were a few) in the movie that really spoke to me. but you know, it's late and i'm tired. so that's gonna have to wait for another post.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
this is what happens when you start saying yes to things (aka why i love scattegories)
tonight i had a really great night.
let's back up a minute. i believe there was a point in my life where the idea of spending an evening with mostly strangers would have felt really really uncomfortable. i probably wouldn't have done it, and would instead have stayed home and watched a bad movie on demand.
i am happy to report that i no longer feel the need to isolate at home with my on-demand remote.
remember when i went speed dating and made a new (girl) friend? she was, in fact, the only thing that has come out of speed dating thus far (besides a good story). this new friend-- is paula.
paula is from south carolina and lives/works in DC for the forestry service. she's here on a 3 month assignment working in the philly area. and she's awesome. i'm not just saying that because we are very similar and said (more than once) the first time we hung out that it seemed like we were the same person, or at the very least have led similar lives at varying points. (side note: i love finding people who i've led parallel lives with- my friend kate up in boston is another one. there's an immediate camaraderie that is really comforting upon making this discovery).
so paula and i went out for cheesesteaks last week (her first! my...well, not first). and spent hours talking and laughing. it was awesome.
sadly, she's moving back to DC at the end of the week. but tonight she invited me to hang out with her and some of her friends! paula is the type of person who likes all of her friends to know each other and hang out. she's brings people together, if you will. i am not like this- in fact, i really wish i were better at this. mostly i keep people separated and it's unfortunate.
anyway, i was invited along to meet...paula's other friends! having really only hung out with her all of once. and i didn't even think about saying no. she is great, it's a safe assumption her friends are great too. and to top it off she asked me for restaurant suggestions so i got to steer us to Sabrina's- one of my favorite restaurants in philly.
when i got there (running late, as per usual) i knew i was gonna be fine. one of paula's roommates was there- a girl named karen. karen looks like my sister's friend juliana, so i felt oddly comfortable around her from the start. and the more she spoke, the more i felt 'she is my kind of person' (actually i think my exact thought was 'she is one of my people' but that just sounds kind of weird). but anyway, she is awesome- and i want to be her friend. she's finishing her masters in landscape architecture- which is TOTALLY COOL and i talked to her about it and was immediately jealous because i think anything having to do with any kind of architecture is amazing and i wish i had the skills to go into that field. in fact, i've decided i'd really like to marry an architect, so if you know of any single, normal, funny (and tall) architects, please send them my way. (thanks in advance).
after dinner we went back to their house for wine, dessert and board games!! seriously- its like i was made to hang out with these people. and hello- their house is Gorgeous. you know, since leaving penn i hardly ever go over to west philly, but honestly there are some absolutely amazing houses there. i want one. with a porch and fun light fixtures and bathtubs with claws. i. want. one. the tour of the house was me walking around going 'oh my god this room is amazing', x12. seriously though, the bedrooms had things like bay windows and sun rooms/offices and balconies. it was making me drool.
we sat, we ate cake off communal plates, we listened to fun music. and oh yes i bought new rain boots online! paula showed me these new 'earth boots' she recently bought- earth boots have low heels- they are lower than the rest of the foot, so apparently are good for your back and help your calf muscles. really though, they look comfy and are lined and she said she bought them on sale....she had me at the sale. i went right downstairs and her friend sara helped me decide on the color. so now, in 5-10 business days i have a pair of WHITE, patent pleather fleecy lined earth rain boots arriving at my apartment. and instead of looking like an overly large kindergartner every time it rains i will now look like...a go go dancer. which, if you try and put a positive spin on it, is really a step up.
we sat in their amazing living room in front of their fire, with tea lights around it, eating cake and talking and playing scattegories!!!! which is really one of the greatest games. i think i may need to own it and inflict it on more people when they come over. i also think it's a pretty good way to get to know new people. it doesn't require a huge amount of skill, and you can get to know the way people think, or the things you may have in common, or how weird their brain works. and you also learn who is a stickler for the rules and who is not. which always makes me laugh.
so. moral of my night: let doors open. make new friends. don't be shy. always say yes to scattegories. you may end up eating carrot cake in front of a fire in a gorgeous house with funny people. if you're lucky.
let's back up a minute. i believe there was a point in my life where the idea of spending an evening with mostly strangers would have felt really really uncomfortable. i probably wouldn't have done it, and would instead have stayed home and watched a bad movie on demand.
i am happy to report that i no longer feel the need to isolate at home with my on-demand remote.
remember when i went speed dating and made a new (girl) friend? she was, in fact, the only thing that has come out of speed dating thus far (besides a good story). this new friend-- is paula.
paula is from south carolina and lives/works in DC for the forestry service. she's here on a 3 month assignment working in the philly area. and she's awesome. i'm not just saying that because we are very similar and said (more than once) the first time we hung out that it seemed like we were the same person, or at the very least have led similar lives at varying points. (side note: i love finding people who i've led parallel lives with- my friend kate up in boston is another one. there's an immediate camaraderie that is really comforting upon making this discovery).
so paula and i went out for cheesesteaks last week (her first! my...well, not first). and spent hours talking and laughing. it was awesome.
sadly, she's moving back to DC at the end of the week. but tonight she invited me to hang out with her and some of her friends! paula is the type of person who likes all of her friends to know each other and hang out. she's brings people together, if you will. i am not like this- in fact, i really wish i were better at this. mostly i keep people separated and it's unfortunate.
anyway, i was invited along to meet...paula's other friends! having really only hung out with her all of once. and i didn't even think about saying no. she is great, it's a safe assumption her friends are great too. and to top it off she asked me for restaurant suggestions so i got to steer us to Sabrina's- one of my favorite restaurants in philly.
when i got there (running late, as per usual) i knew i was gonna be fine. one of paula's roommates was there- a girl named karen. karen looks like my sister's friend juliana, so i felt oddly comfortable around her from the start. and the more she spoke, the more i felt 'she is my kind of person' (actually i think my exact thought was 'she is one of my people' but that just sounds kind of weird). but anyway, she is awesome- and i want to be her friend. she's finishing her masters in landscape architecture- which is TOTALLY COOL and i talked to her about it and was immediately jealous because i think anything having to do with any kind of architecture is amazing and i wish i had the skills to go into that field. in fact, i've decided i'd really like to marry an architect, so if you know of any single, normal, funny (and tall) architects, please send them my way. (thanks in advance).
after dinner we went back to their house for wine, dessert and board games!! seriously- its like i was made to hang out with these people. and hello- their house is Gorgeous. you know, since leaving penn i hardly ever go over to west philly, but honestly there are some absolutely amazing houses there. i want one. with a porch and fun light fixtures and bathtubs with claws. i. want. one. the tour of the house was me walking around going 'oh my god this room is amazing', x12. seriously though, the bedrooms had things like bay windows and sun rooms/offices and balconies. it was making me drool.
we sat, we ate cake off communal plates, we listened to fun music. and oh yes i bought new rain boots online! paula showed me these new 'earth boots' she recently bought- earth boots have low heels- they are lower than the rest of the foot, so apparently are good for your back and help your calf muscles. really though, they look comfy and are lined and she said she bought them on sale....she had me at the sale. i went right downstairs and her friend sara helped me decide on the color. so now, in 5-10 business days i have a pair of WHITE, patent pleather fleecy lined earth rain boots arriving at my apartment. and instead of looking like an overly large kindergartner every time it rains i will now look like...a go go dancer. which, if you try and put a positive spin on it, is really a step up.
we sat in their amazing living room in front of their fire, with tea lights around it, eating cake and talking and playing scattegories!!!! which is really one of the greatest games. i think i may need to own it and inflict it on more people when they come over. i also think it's a pretty good way to get to know new people. it doesn't require a huge amount of skill, and you can get to know the way people think, or the things you may have in common, or how weird their brain works. and you also learn who is a stickler for the rules and who is not. which always makes me laugh.
so. moral of my night: let doors open. make new friends. don't be shy. always say yes to scattegories. you may end up eating carrot cake in front of a fire in a gorgeous house with funny people. if you're lucky.
Monday, March 21, 2011
wash the beef
i need a do over for today.
let me paint you a picture of how i left the house this morning:
it was cold and rainy and grey. and dark. which turned out to be in my favor actually. because i was wearing my light pink chords. i also happened to find some old rain boots in my closet. i thought i had gotten rid of them- because i never wear them (they sometimes make my right calf look like a fat sausage)- but because i'm tired of walking around in the rain with wet non-waterproof shoes, i thought i'd take a look. and there they were- bright yellow wellies with pink dots around the edges. the epitomy of class. (side note, my right calf fit inside and did not look like a sausage- a small positive in a sea of mess).
so i tucked my pink chords into my bright yellow rain boots. and went and put on my rain coat.
if you've seen my rain coat before you'd know that it's....bright orange. it's llbean. and i like it. but yes, it's bright orange.
and finally- the piece de resistance: i grabbed my new umbrella- which is one of those big ones i can't remember the name of, but you can fit inside of them and they come down to like your shoulders. bubble? sure, we'll go with that. so it's clear with pink trim.
as you can guess i looked like a grown up kindergartner who tried to dress herself and snuck out of the house without mommy noticing. and i walked the 6 blocks to the train like that. and then got on the train and took a nap. surprise surprise, no one sat next to me.
so that's how the day started. it did not improve. i had to attend an all day 'webinar' orientation thing from 9-4. i usually go in at 10 on mondays, but got to work at 8:20 in preparation for getting all my other stuff done as well as sit for the webinar. it made me want to pull my hair out one at a time. there were 'quizzes' we had to fill out. it was boring and ridiculous. and for some reason made me feel very...snappy. i don't know if it was the grey weather or the pointless webinar that kept me from doing my work. or just the lack of sleep and long day. but i wasn't my usual charming self. and i said some dumb things i should have probably just not said. (nothing that will cause any problems really, but a month into a new job you don't want to have too much of an attitude), and just generally complained a lot. and then felt badly about it.
and instead of coming home and going running- i came home and made dinner and sat down to knit. which was fun, but not really active. so i'm still feeling generally lethargic and blah.
clearly- monday and i are not friends right now. you might say i have 'beef' with today. and to that i will say- i need to Wash it.
you read that correctly. i need to wash the beef.
what's this, you ask? what is this hysterical expression and what does it mean?
well i will tell you....
this weekend i went to the barnes with my sister and brother in law- which was great. and afterwards we went to our friend greg's house out near the main line. from greg's we went to a yummy dinner in bryn mawr at Yang Ming's (i recommend seafood and chicken, personally). and in the car ride over is where this Delightful phrase was born...
Greg was telling us a story. Honestly, i don't know what it was about. i don't remember. whatever it was isn't important (sorry greg)- but there were some people arguing in his story, and eventually he said "it sounds like they really needed to wash the beef".
at this my sister and i (sitting in the back seat), looked at each other quizically and said "wash the beef?". greg was surprised we had never heard this expression before. how could we have not? he explained: clearly it meant two people were having 'beef' with each other about something (i believe his example was "haven't you ever listened to eminem?"...) and they needed to 'wash the beef' as a means of taking care of it.
well. if this wasn't the greatest/most awkward expression i've ever heard- my middle name isn't felice. we immediately found all sorts of reasons to work 'wash the beef' into every story told at dinner, or insert it into every awkward silence. if anyone was having beef with anyone, it was getting washed- it was getting washed good. (*it also worked when our least favorite dish of the night was the beef dish....which we promptly said could actually have used some washing....).
we used that phrase like we were born usin' it. like everyone (particularly eminem fans) had been using it for years...
...until we got home, and had the following conversation with greg and his younger brother steve:
we were saying something of little importance when either myself or arielle once again worked in a 'wash the beef' reference (it does not get old!) and steve looked at us like we were on crack.
me: "steve- if someone said 'wash the beef' to you, would you know what that meant? is that a phrase you generally use?"
arielle: "apparently it is. because greg told us all about it. and now we're washing the beef with everyone we know"
(steve looks on confused)
greg: "wait- you thought i was saying Wash the beef?"
us: "ummm that is what you said "
greg: "no. i said Quash the beef. like, quash it. with a Qu"
fits of laughter..
us" WHAT"? "QUASH"?
steve: "isn't the actual phrase Squash the beef?"
greg: "ohhh, right. i guess. squash."
UNCONTROLLABLE FITS OF LAUGHTER.
for real people. tears were rolling down my cheeks. tears of pure joy. QUASH, SQUASH. WHO DOES ANY OF THIS TO BEEF?
and frankly- i like Wash the Beef the best. it's the most awkward. hence, the most awesome.
so i'm taking it to the streets!! (the streets being an awesome place to take things to- just watch step up 2: the streets, for proof). if you have beef with someone or something, please, be kind, wash the beef. clear that shit up. it's better for everyone.
and tell all your friends. this phrase is Happening.
moral of my story (you thought i forgot, right?)- my monday was a massive fail. monday and i have got some beef. i'm gonna wash the beef. wash it good. and start fresh tomorrow.
bring it tuesday.
let me paint you a picture of how i left the house this morning:
it was cold and rainy and grey. and dark. which turned out to be in my favor actually. because i was wearing my light pink chords. i also happened to find some old rain boots in my closet. i thought i had gotten rid of them- because i never wear them (they sometimes make my right calf look like a fat sausage)- but because i'm tired of walking around in the rain with wet non-waterproof shoes, i thought i'd take a look. and there they were- bright yellow wellies with pink dots around the edges. the epitomy of class. (side note, my right calf fit inside and did not look like a sausage- a small positive in a sea of mess).
so i tucked my pink chords into my bright yellow rain boots. and went and put on my rain coat.
if you've seen my rain coat before you'd know that it's....bright orange. it's llbean. and i like it. but yes, it's bright orange.
and finally- the piece de resistance: i grabbed my new umbrella- which is one of those big ones i can't remember the name of, but you can fit inside of them and they come down to like your shoulders. bubble? sure, we'll go with that. so it's clear with pink trim.
as you can guess i looked like a grown up kindergartner who tried to dress herself and snuck out of the house without mommy noticing. and i walked the 6 blocks to the train like that. and then got on the train and took a nap. surprise surprise, no one sat next to me.
so that's how the day started. it did not improve. i had to attend an all day 'webinar' orientation thing from 9-4. i usually go in at 10 on mondays, but got to work at 8:20 in preparation for getting all my other stuff done as well as sit for the webinar. it made me want to pull my hair out one at a time. there were 'quizzes' we had to fill out. it was boring and ridiculous. and for some reason made me feel very...snappy. i don't know if it was the grey weather or the pointless webinar that kept me from doing my work. or just the lack of sleep and long day. but i wasn't my usual charming self. and i said some dumb things i should have probably just not said. (nothing that will cause any problems really, but a month into a new job you don't want to have too much of an attitude), and just generally complained a lot. and then felt badly about it.
and instead of coming home and going running- i came home and made dinner and sat down to knit. which was fun, but not really active. so i'm still feeling generally lethargic and blah.
clearly- monday and i are not friends right now. you might say i have 'beef' with today. and to that i will say- i need to Wash it.
you read that correctly. i need to wash the beef.
what's this, you ask? what is this hysterical expression and what does it mean?
well i will tell you....
this weekend i went to the barnes with my sister and brother in law- which was great. and afterwards we went to our friend greg's house out near the main line. from greg's we went to a yummy dinner in bryn mawr at Yang Ming's (i recommend seafood and chicken, personally). and in the car ride over is where this Delightful phrase was born...
Greg was telling us a story. Honestly, i don't know what it was about. i don't remember. whatever it was isn't important (sorry greg)- but there were some people arguing in his story, and eventually he said "it sounds like they really needed to wash the beef".
at this my sister and i (sitting in the back seat), looked at each other quizically and said "wash the beef?". greg was surprised we had never heard this expression before. how could we have not? he explained: clearly it meant two people were having 'beef' with each other about something (i believe his example was "haven't you ever listened to eminem?"...) and they needed to 'wash the beef' as a means of taking care of it.
well. if this wasn't the greatest/most awkward expression i've ever heard- my middle name isn't felice. we immediately found all sorts of reasons to work 'wash the beef' into every story told at dinner, or insert it into every awkward silence. if anyone was having beef with anyone, it was getting washed- it was getting washed good. (*it also worked when our least favorite dish of the night was the beef dish....which we promptly said could actually have used some washing....).
we used that phrase like we were born usin' it. like everyone (particularly eminem fans) had been using it for years...
...until we got home, and had the following conversation with greg and his younger brother steve:
we were saying something of little importance when either myself or arielle once again worked in a 'wash the beef' reference (it does not get old!) and steve looked at us like we were on crack.
me: "steve- if someone said 'wash the beef' to you, would you know what that meant? is that a phrase you generally use?"
arielle: "apparently it is. because greg told us all about it. and now we're washing the beef with everyone we know"
(steve looks on confused)
greg: "wait- you thought i was saying Wash the beef?"
us: "ummm that is what you said "
greg: "no. i said Quash the beef. like, quash it. with a Qu"
fits of laughter..
us" WHAT"? "QUASH"?
steve: "isn't the actual phrase Squash the beef?"
greg: "ohhh, right. i guess. squash."
UNCONTROLLABLE FITS OF LAUGHTER.
for real people. tears were rolling down my cheeks. tears of pure joy. QUASH, SQUASH. WHO DOES ANY OF THIS TO BEEF?
and frankly- i like Wash the Beef the best. it's the most awkward. hence, the most awesome.
so i'm taking it to the streets!! (the streets being an awesome place to take things to- just watch step up 2: the streets, for proof). if you have beef with someone or something, please, be kind, wash the beef. clear that shit up. it's better for everyone.
and tell all your friends. this phrase is Happening.
moral of my story (you thought i forgot, right?)- my monday was a massive fail. monday and i have got some beef. i'm gonna wash the beef. wash it good. and start fresh tomorrow.
bring it tuesday.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
a changing of the tides
this morning i woke up at 7am in a panic that i had slept through my alarm and was going to be late for work. then- thankfully, i realized it was sunday.
it's also the first day of spring. SPRING!! finally!!
and when i finally woke up i laid in bed thinking about some stuff. you might say i'm always thinking about things. but today i felt somewhat- settled. spring. new beginning. all that jazz.
it's been a month since i was in my quasi-relationship. and i don't really feel sad anymore when i think about him. i feel more...annoyed. cheated. angry. over it all. ready to just...think about something else.
i think maybe that sex in the city rule was right. you get half of the time of the length you were together to get over the break up. it makes sense, really. and its nice to just wake up and not feel anxious or heavy with emotion.
and frankly- this is one of the many reasons i've been waiting for march to be over. the sooner march is over, and spring is here, the sooner i will feel better and more myself and ready to take on the world (picture me a top the art museum steps- rocky style). however- recent breakup aside- i have many reasons for not liking march.
firstly- it's a long month. a whole 31 days. it's 5 weeks long. and there are no federal holidays (no- st. patrick's day does not count). also- it's cold. my oma's birthday, as well as keith and glenn's are at the beginning of the month- then it's just a wasteland. then there's march madness. who cares? it's college basketball. i joined a pool at work to be a 'joiner' and try and have fun with it- and lord knows if i can remember who i actually picked. all i know is i put duke down to win. but really....i mean, whatever.
but today- today i woke up feeling ok. thinking about work, about life, about knitting. about paying my bills and buying groceries and painting my nails fuscia in honor of spring. i read a magazine, then finished reading my book, ate breakfast and relaxed. i did the things i wanted to do. and i didn't feel anxious. i felt- like myself. only slightly more....lived in.
does that make sense?
i realize lately that i am 28 years old. 28. i moved to philadelphia when i was 22. the world was ahead of me, at my finger tips, doors would open, i'd find my way. etc etc you get the point. and sometimes now- i have more moments of...clarity. i'm an adult. i've chosen a career path. i have a condo and a pet. i can keep a plant alive. i have friends and a life here in philadelphia, as well as in new york. i have vacations planned. i commute to work. i have a bookcase full of books. adult. and while i don't really want to take myself too seriously, sometimes i'm hit with the idea that this is my life. and i should enjoy it more. and not waste time feeling sad- even if they say that those sad times can teach you something about yourself. i get it. i'm learning. but right now i want to learn to be happy with the amazing life i've got. i don't necessarily need to go on dates every week, or waste time on men who i know aren't going to stick around- or who i have no desire to stick around. i am going to do things that i think will be fun and interesting, with people who i know to be fun and interesting. or by myself. because hell, last time i checked i was pretty fun myself.
so happy spring to everyone! put on your big girl panties and go have some fun.
it's also the first day of spring. SPRING!! finally!!
and when i finally woke up i laid in bed thinking about some stuff. you might say i'm always thinking about things. but today i felt somewhat- settled. spring. new beginning. all that jazz.
it's been a month since i was in my quasi-relationship. and i don't really feel sad anymore when i think about him. i feel more...annoyed. cheated. angry. over it all. ready to just...think about something else.
i think maybe that sex in the city rule was right. you get half of the time of the length you were together to get over the break up. it makes sense, really. and its nice to just wake up and not feel anxious or heavy with emotion.
and frankly- this is one of the many reasons i've been waiting for march to be over. the sooner march is over, and spring is here, the sooner i will feel better and more myself and ready to take on the world (picture me a top the art museum steps- rocky style). however- recent breakup aside- i have many reasons for not liking march.
firstly- it's a long month. a whole 31 days. it's 5 weeks long. and there are no federal holidays (no- st. patrick's day does not count). also- it's cold. my oma's birthday, as well as keith and glenn's are at the beginning of the month- then it's just a wasteland. then there's march madness. who cares? it's college basketball. i joined a pool at work to be a 'joiner' and try and have fun with it- and lord knows if i can remember who i actually picked. all i know is i put duke down to win. but really....i mean, whatever.
but today- today i woke up feeling ok. thinking about work, about life, about knitting. about paying my bills and buying groceries and painting my nails fuscia in honor of spring. i read a magazine, then finished reading my book, ate breakfast and relaxed. i did the things i wanted to do. and i didn't feel anxious. i felt- like myself. only slightly more....lived in.
does that make sense?
i realize lately that i am 28 years old. 28. i moved to philadelphia when i was 22. the world was ahead of me, at my finger tips, doors would open, i'd find my way. etc etc you get the point. and sometimes now- i have more moments of...clarity. i'm an adult. i've chosen a career path. i have a condo and a pet. i can keep a plant alive. i have friends and a life here in philadelphia, as well as in new york. i have vacations planned. i commute to work. i have a bookcase full of books. adult. and while i don't really want to take myself too seriously, sometimes i'm hit with the idea that this is my life. and i should enjoy it more. and not waste time feeling sad- even if they say that those sad times can teach you something about yourself. i get it. i'm learning. but right now i want to learn to be happy with the amazing life i've got. i don't necessarily need to go on dates every week, or waste time on men who i know aren't going to stick around- or who i have no desire to stick around. i am going to do things that i think will be fun and interesting, with people who i know to be fun and interesting. or by myself. because hell, last time i checked i was pretty fun myself.
so happy spring to everyone! put on your big girl panties and go have some fun.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
sunday nights are mysterious. they've always had this thing about them. a feeling of impending doom. i've been getting better with them since my work hours changed to later in the morning on mondays (so i can avoid the whole 'oh my god i have to fall asleep Right Now or i'm going to be exhausted tomorrow' stress). but still, they're not my favorite.
in the last few weeks, since i've been lame and emotional- i haven't wanted to be alone on sunday nights, so i've been hanging out with my friend lisa. who is awesome. and patient. and gives good advice.
however, lisa was in AC this weekend at a bachelorette party, and therefore in recovery mode tonight. so i went on a date. ( i had to do something to pass the time...)
here's some backstory:
ok cupid guy. admittedly short(er than me), refers to himself as being 'opinionated' and 'likes to do activities. not just lay around and do nothing' (one of my favorite activities). why doing out with this guy seemed like a brilliant plan i don't know, but he asked, and in the spirit of saying yes to people and things, i accepted.
except that his suggestion for our date was to go to Dave & Busters. Really? is that a date place? really? i mean, i already don't know if i want to be going out with you, but i'm fairly certain i don't want to be going out with you to play video games with small children. or ski ball. although i do like ski ball. but that is besides the point.
i thought about it, and suggested we go bowling instead. bowling seemed like a 'dave and buster'-ish activity, but i actually like it. and i haven't been in a while. thankful D&B (as he will now be called), agreed.
so i met him at 5pm tonight at north bowl. 5 pm. awkward time. but ok- because its sunday, and no one wants to be out too late. plus- hello, north bowl is awesome.
the last time i was at north bowl was for my birthday last year. here's a clip for your viewing pleasure:
what was it i said recently about being sassy and classy? ....right. not at bowling alleys apparently.
no one looks classy in a bowling alley. except maybe these guys...
but anyway, i digress. i met D&B at north bowl, and we hung out and bowled two games. He asked me at first if i was on a league and if he should expect to get his ass kicked. good thing i didn't show him the video above....
turns out he's pretty good. he started throwing strikes left and right. he had 'technique'. and then of course in the middle he had a weird technique that i think was his attempt to be bad so that i could catch up...which let's face it, was nice. he didn't really beat me by that much though. i'm not that terrible of a bowler...
but you know what's weird about going bowling on a first date? if it's just the two of you- there isn't much time to talk. like- one or the other of you is always bowling. and if you just sit there talking for a little while, which we did- then no one is bowling. which is a little weird.
so we bowled. for almost an hour. and chatted. and he was encouraging. and i congratulated him on breaking 100. i also hurt my hand a little. bowling can be hazardous sometimes. but i think i will recover.
we then went to the restaurant area of north bowl for dinner. which was awesome- because north bowl is known for their tater tots. D&B noticed that the 'wtto' (world tater tot organization) voted them among the best tater tots around. how can you say no to the WTTO?
you can't.
we both had tots.
turns out D&B is pretty interesting. he was born in israel, and lived their on and off (as well as in maryland...random) until he was 14, at which point he moved to south africa to finish high school. he went to college in maryland, got a masters at drexel, and now lives at home with his parents and 2 younger siblings in jersey, working- but trying to figure out how to get into the field of electro physics. oooor something like that. he also likes to rock climb. and go paint balling. and he loves ben stiller. (3 things we do not have in common....) but he also likes battlestar gallatica (points for good taste), and admitted the last movie he watched was Wall-e (cute).
the truth is he was perfectly nice. and he seemed to enjoy my company. he wanted to keep the date going, but at some point i was like 'ok it is sunday night, i kind of want to go home to my couch and wrap my head around tomorrow being monday'- and he totally understood. we'll probably hang out again. maybe next weekend. but i didn't really feel much of a spark. however i know my therapist would say 'if he's nice and there's nothing glaringly wrong with him- you go out with him again. there is no reason not to'. so i'll go. and just not think about sparks. or lack thereof. because now is the time of saying yes, no?
*update on speed dating: i matched w/ the hot artist x files guy! i now know his email address. i have yet to hear from him. but am considering emailing him soon with a reference to agent skully and pastries...
in the last few weeks, since i've been lame and emotional- i haven't wanted to be alone on sunday nights, so i've been hanging out with my friend lisa. who is awesome. and patient. and gives good advice.
however, lisa was in AC this weekend at a bachelorette party, and therefore in recovery mode tonight. so i went on a date. ( i had to do something to pass the time...)
here's some backstory:
ok cupid guy. admittedly short(er than me), refers to himself as being 'opinionated' and 'likes to do activities. not just lay around and do nothing' (one of my favorite activities). why doing out with this guy seemed like a brilliant plan i don't know, but he asked, and in the spirit of saying yes to people and things, i accepted.
except that his suggestion for our date was to go to Dave & Busters. Really? is that a date place? really? i mean, i already don't know if i want to be going out with you, but i'm fairly certain i don't want to be going out with you to play video games with small children. or ski ball. although i do like ski ball. but that is besides the point.
i thought about it, and suggested we go bowling instead. bowling seemed like a 'dave and buster'-ish activity, but i actually like it. and i haven't been in a while. thankful D&B (as he will now be called), agreed.
so i met him at 5pm tonight at north bowl. 5 pm. awkward time. but ok- because its sunday, and no one wants to be out too late. plus- hello, north bowl is awesome.
the last time i was at north bowl was for my birthday last year. here's a clip for your viewing pleasure:
what was it i said recently about being sassy and classy? ....right. not at bowling alleys apparently.
no one looks classy in a bowling alley. except maybe these guys...
but anyway, i digress. i met D&B at north bowl, and we hung out and bowled two games. He asked me at first if i was on a league and if he should expect to get his ass kicked. good thing i didn't show him the video above....
turns out he's pretty good. he started throwing strikes left and right. he had 'technique'. and then of course in the middle he had a weird technique that i think was his attempt to be bad so that i could catch up...which let's face it, was nice. he didn't really beat me by that much though. i'm not that terrible of a bowler...
but you know what's weird about going bowling on a first date? if it's just the two of you- there isn't much time to talk. like- one or the other of you is always bowling. and if you just sit there talking for a little while, which we did- then no one is bowling. which is a little weird.
so we bowled. for almost an hour. and chatted. and he was encouraging. and i congratulated him on breaking 100. i also hurt my hand a little. bowling can be hazardous sometimes. but i think i will recover.
we then went to the restaurant area of north bowl for dinner. which was awesome- because north bowl is known for their tater tots. D&B noticed that the 'wtto' (world tater tot organization) voted them among the best tater tots around. how can you say no to the WTTO?
you can't.
we both had tots.
turns out D&B is pretty interesting. he was born in israel, and lived their on and off (as well as in maryland...random) until he was 14, at which point he moved to south africa to finish high school. he went to college in maryland, got a masters at drexel, and now lives at home with his parents and 2 younger siblings in jersey, working- but trying to figure out how to get into the field of electro physics. oooor something like that. he also likes to rock climb. and go paint balling. and he loves ben stiller. (3 things we do not have in common....) but he also likes battlestar gallatica (points for good taste), and admitted the last movie he watched was Wall-e (cute).
the truth is he was perfectly nice. and he seemed to enjoy my company. he wanted to keep the date going, but at some point i was like 'ok it is sunday night, i kind of want to go home to my couch and wrap my head around tomorrow being monday'- and he totally understood. we'll probably hang out again. maybe next weekend. but i didn't really feel much of a spark. however i know my therapist would say 'if he's nice and there's nothing glaringly wrong with him- you go out with him again. there is no reason not to'. so i'll go. and just not think about sparks. or lack thereof. because now is the time of saying yes, no?
*update on speed dating: i matched w/ the hot artist x files guy! i now know his email address. i have yet to hear from him. but am considering emailing him soon with a reference to agent skully and pastries...
Thursday, March 10, 2011
i feel the need....
so last night i had adventure #2 of the week: speed dating.
yes. you read that correctly. speed dating.
it's something i've been wanting to try for a while, and i figured now's the time to do it- when i'm eager to meet new people and put myself out there. (instead of, you know, sitting on my couch, complaining).
i signed up at speed date philadephia, paid my stupidly high 'registration fee' (which turns out not to even include a free drink!) and signed my fate to a night of 5 minute interactions.
and guess what: IT WAS AWESOME.
so, here's how it went. i was nervous because i was supposed to be going with my friend melissa. however, melissa took her time signing up and the event got filled...so i ended up going by myself. ugh. and i was running late- coming home from work at 7, trying to get there by 7:45, not succeeding. turns out it was better to be late, as the first activity is an awkward ice breaker game that i heard from a few people was the most awkward thing they've ever experienced. haha. suckers.
except then i showed up (at a bar in old city i've never been to before) and realized that everyone had a drink, and that they were not free. and i was annoyed. i Paid for this event- the least speeddate philadelphia could do was provide a little cushion to ease the social awkwardness.
anyway- i headed back to put my stuff down at a table and go to the restroom before we got started. i noticed that the bathroom doors were...clear. and more than that, i could see a guy PEEING. where the fuck am i? so i go into the next bathroom and lock the door praying that something magical would happen to the door to make it...solid. and it did! when you lock it the glass fogs up or something- so you can't see out, and more importantly, no one can see in. (which means the guy next door also didn't bother to lock the door- dude, how drunk were you?)
ok. bathroom tangent finished. i went back into the bar and placed my stuff at 'table 11', and promptly ran into the girl at table 12, paula. we made fast friends! she revealed that she had actually been to a speed dating event a few weeks before but didn't like anyone she met- i guess the ages were skewed younger at that event, and she didnt connect with anyone, so this event was free. (good to know, i was already thinking i wouldn't like anyone that i met- so at least the next event would be free).
we sat down at our tables and waited for the main event to start. i was feeling pretty good, because i had put some thought into my outfit that day. this particular event was called 'sassy and classy' (ew. i know. my friend ben told me not to go just based on the name alone). so i thought i should look as sassy and classy as possible. the end result was black skinny chords, a white ruffle tank and my black and white blazer from banana republic w/ black flats. i had makeup on. i was smiling and telling myself to just be friendly. if anyone is both classy And sassy, it's me, friends. it's me.
there were 13 men and 13 women gathered for speeddating that night. and fellow #1 was named...Kermit. i shit you not. he even said 'like the frog'. aw, kermit. hold on, let me get my notes from the night....
they give you a piece of paper to write down everyone's names and take notes on them, so you could reference your 'matches' when you got home.
Kermit was getting his MFA in creative writing. he was born and raised in philly, and was perfectly nice. a good first interaction. the whole time we were chatting i was thinking- god this is weird. but then i looked around and realized...well, everyone here is here for the same thing. so i might as well just relax and chat.
from kermit on out it was smooth sailing. it turns out talking to people in 5 minute increments (every five minutes the lady running the event rang a bell and the men got up to shift left) is pretty easy. and it was Quite a diverse crowd.
out of 13 men there were 2 doctors, a lawyer, and insurance guy, two men who worked on various military bases nearby, a social worker, an engineering student, Kermit the MFA, a sexy artist (more on him later), an IT guy, and an israeli guy who seemed to have no particular profession. a fair number of the men were foreign (said israeli guy, a guy from saudi arabia, and an african dude), even more if you include the cardiologist from south philly (which, come on- is a planet of it's own...)
i learned a lot of random things!
aqeel, the saudi arabian engineering student, trades stocks in his spare time. and loves to party on the weekends.
mike e is a dentist on the air base in delaware. he's never been to new york. and he rides a motorcycle.
michael h is a lawyer who lives a few blocks from me and owns a shiba inu. he was the only one in a suit and tie. very polite and appropriate.
david is a social worker who gave me career advice and told me to open up my own shop on the side as soon as i was ready- because it's really not as hard as it seems to run your own practice.
alon was the interesting (read: giggly) israeli guy who seemed to be laughing at the whole thing, and asked me how anyone ever really met anyone in this world. very philosophical alon. also, every time he goes home to visit his mom she tries to set him up. here's a tip alon, don't laugh all the time. take yourself just a little more seriously.
emmanuel was not pleased with any of my answers to his annoying questions. but he does like music. and kept referring to me as a princess. probably because the only diana he's ever heard of before was princess di. ...ok.
the most interesting story of the night was philip- who was totally not my type, but was first cousins with the first ever Miss Latvia. he told a great story about going to her wedding (in Latvia), when she married a Latvian rock star and they were all treated like royalty for being related to the bride. he has a latvian tabloid w/ a picture from the wedding on the front page. oh philip, always tell that story. it was awesome.
finally we get to stephan...(i don't know if it's pronounced ste-Fahn or STE-phen, but it doesn't matter). stephan is a sexy somewhat hipster/lumberjack artist. he does Neon art (what's that you ask? i don't know, will be googling shortly) and he asked the best questions (ex: what was your proudest moment- points for asking something original!). for the love of god he even mentioned a Pastry shop in his town that he loves. the man sculpts and eats croissants? WHERE DO I SIGN UP. the funny thing about stephan was that we were talking animatedly and the bell rang, signifying our time was up. and as he was leaving he says "you know who you look like?" (now, this is something i get all the time. i have one of those faces. people always think they know me). so i said "who?" and he goes "Agent Skully". now, i have never, in my life, been told i look like Gillian Anderson. some girl you went to grade school with? used to know through a friend of a friend? saw one time at the supermarket? sure. but Gillian Anderson? this was new.
the Best part was when he goes, as he's leaving the table "she was pretty hot". and then just gets up, and glides away.
SMOOTH MOVE ARTIST BOY.
i swooned a little bit. good thing i was sitting down already. i don't think anyone noticed.
sooo at the end of the night, i had met some pretty interesting people. and made plans to hang out w/ that girl paula from the table next to me (we're getting drinks next week- friend date #2! go me!). i came home laughing and listening to fun music on blast wondering what i had been nervous about in the first place.
SPEED DATING IS FUN.
now i just have to wait and see if i get 'matched' with anyone. fingers crossed Stephan the hot artist (who, now that i think about it looks vaguely like david duchovny...we could totally have an x-files romance!) wants to teach me more about his art...and croissants...
yes. you read that correctly. speed dating.
it's something i've been wanting to try for a while, and i figured now's the time to do it- when i'm eager to meet new people and put myself out there. (instead of, you know, sitting on my couch, complaining).
i signed up at speed date philadephia, paid my stupidly high 'registration fee' (which turns out not to even include a free drink!) and signed my fate to a night of 5 minute interactions.
and guess what: IT WAS AWESOME.
so, here's how it went. i was nervous because i was supposed to be going with my friend melissa. however, melissa took her time signing up and the event got filled...so i ended up going by myself. ugh. and i was running late- coming home from work at 7, trying to get there by 7:45, not succeeding. turns out it was better to be late, as the first activity is an awkward ice breaker game that i heard from a few people was the most awkward thing they've ever experienced. haha. suckers.
except then i showed up (at a bar in old city i've never been to before) and realized that everyone had a drink, and that they were not free. and i was annoyed. i Paid for this event- the least speeddate philadelphia could do was provide a little cushion to ease the social awkwardness.
anyway- i headed back to put my stuff down at a table and go to the restroom before we got started. i noticed that the bathroom doors were...clear. and more than that, i could see a guy PEEING. where the fuck am i? so i go into the next bathroom and lock the door praying that something magical would happen to the door to make it...solid. and it did! when you lock it the glass fogs up or something- so you can't see out, and more importantly, no one can see in. (which means the guy next door also didn't bother to lock the door- dude, how drunk were you?)
ok. bathroom tangent finished. i went back into the bar and placed my stuff at 'table 11', and promptly ran into the girl at table 12, paula. we made fast friends! she revealed that she had actually been to a speed dating event a few weeks before but didn't like anyone she met- i guess the ages were skewed younger at that event, and she didnt connect with anyone, so this event was free. (good to know, i was already thinking i wouldn't like anyone that i met- so at least the next event would be free).
we sat down at our tables and waited for the main event to start. i was feeling pretty good, because i had put some thought into my outfit that day. this particular event was called 'sassy and classy' (ew. i know. my friend ben told me not to go just based on the name alone). so i thought i should look as sassy and classy as possible. the end result was black skinny chords, a white ruffle tank and my black and white blazer from banana republic w/ black flats. i had makeup on. i was smiling and telling myself to just be friendly. if anyone is both classy And sassy, it's me, friends. it's me.
there were 13 men and 13 women gathered for speeddating that night. and fellow #1 was named...Kermit. i shit you not. he even said 'like the frog'. aw, kermit. hold on, let me get my notes from the night....
they give you a piece of paper to write down everyone's names and take notes on them, so you could reference your 'matches' when you got home.
Kermit was getting his MFA in creative writing. he was born and raised in philly, and was perfectly nice. a good first interaction. the whole time we were chatting i was thinking- god this is weird. but then i looked around and realized...well, everyone here is here for the same thing. so i might as well just relax and chat.
from kermit on out it was smooth sailing. it turns out talking to people in 5 minute increments (every five minutes the lady running the event rang a bell and the men got up to shift left) is pretty easy. and it was Quite a diverse crowd.
out of 13 men there were 2 doctors, a lawyer, and insurance guy, two men who worked on various military bases nearby, a social worker, an engineering student, Kermit the MFA, a sexy artist (more on him later), an IT guy, and an israeli guy who seemed to have no particular profession. a fair number of the men were foreign (said israeli guy, a guy from saudi arabia, and an african dude), even more if you include the cardiologist from south philly (which, come on- is a planet of it's own...)
i learned a lot of random things!
aqeel, the saudi arabian engineering student, trades stocks in his spare time. and loves to party on the weekends.
mike e is a dentist on the air base in delaware. he's never been to new york. and he rides a motorcycle.
michael h is a lawyer who lives a few blocks from me and owns a shiba inu. he was the only one in a suit and tie. very polite and appropriate.
david is a social worker who gave me career advice and told me to open up my own shop on the side as soon as i was ready- because it's really not as hard as it seems to run your own practice.
alon was the interesting (read: giggly) israeli guy who seemed to be laughing at the whole thing, and asked me how anyone ever really met anyone in this world. very philosophical alon. also, every time he goes home to visit his mom she tries to set him up. here's a tip alon, don't laugh all the time. take yourself just a little more seriously.
emmanuel was not pleased with any of my answers to his annoying questions. but he does like music. and kept referring to me as a princess. probably because the only diana he's ever heard of before was princess di. ...ok.
the most interesting story of the night was philip- who was totally not my type, but was first cousins with the first ever Miss Latvia. he told a great story about going to her wedding (in Latvia), when she married a Latvian rock star and they were all treated like royalty for being related to the bride. he has a latvian tabloid w/ a picture from the wedding on the front page. oh philip, always tell that story. it was awesome.
finally we get to stephan...(i don't know if it's pronounced ste-Fahn or STE-phen, but it doesn't matter). stephan is a sexy somewhat hipster/lumberjack artist. he does Neon art (what's that you ask? i don't know, will be googling shortly) and he asked the best questions (ex: what was your proudest moment- points for asking something original!). for the love of god he even mentioned a Pastry shop in his town that he loves. the man sculpts and eats croissants? WHERE DO I SIGN UP. the funny thing about stephan was that we were talking animatedly and the bell rang, signifying our time was up. and as he was leaving he says "you know who you look like?" (now, this is something i get all the time. i have one of those faces. people always think they know me). so i said "who?" and he goes "Agent Skully". now, i have never, in my life, been told i look like Gillian Anderson. some girl you went to grade school with? used to know through a friend of a friend? saw one time at the supermarket? sure. but Gillian Anderson? this was new.
the Best part was when he goes, as he's leaving the table "she was pretty hot". and then just gets up, and glides away.
SMOOTH MOVE ARTIST BOY.
i swooned a little bit. good thing i was sitting down already. i don't think anyone noticed.
sooo at the end of the night, i had met some pretty interesting people. and made plans to hang out w/ that girl paula from the table next to me (we're getting drinks next week- friend date #2! go me!). i came home laughing and listening to fun music on blast wondering what i had been nervous about in the first place.
SPEED DATING IS FUN.
now i just have to wait and see if i get 'matched' with anyone. fingers crossed Stephan the hot artist (who, now that i think about it looks vaguely like david duchovny...we could totally have an x-files romance!) wants to teach me more about his art...and croissants...
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
if bridget jones could knit...
it has occurred to me that in the process of keeping myself busy and moving on with my life into spring a smarter and emotionally balanced person, i have the potential to have some really random (and fun) experiences.
so i figure i'll share them. because really- if a tree falls in the forest with nobody around...etc etc.
i am learning to knit. exciting!! i signed up for a 4 week beginners class at spool- this cool yarn shop on south street. it meets for 4 tuesdays, and apparently by the end i will have knitted myself a scarf and hat. just in time for spring.
i got myself all ready to be in a retired lady's knitting circle- but it turns out it was really fun, and not all old ladies. knitting is hip!
first we had morgan, the young married pre-school teacher. she already knew the basics, but seems kind of type a so she wants to be really good at it.
next was cynthia- actually the only retired lady, recently retired from 31 years at Penn Medicine. new to knitting. got a little frustrated with the pearl stitch, but i'm confident she'll make it through.
amy- spunky asian, curses under her breath when she makes mistakes. i think we were on the same level. she was cool. (too bad she works with he who will remain nameless, and reminding me about thing i'd rather not think about anymore...)
then a mother daughter crew who kept to themselves and seemed advanced. (boo)
another girl (who's name i can't remember?) who had already Taken a beginner knitting class and wanted to make sure she really had it all down before she moved to intermediate. show off.
and then sherri, next to me. also a total beginner, had a hard time catching on, but really got the knit stitch by the end! she has her own small pr firm. she can probably do anything.
our teacher, elizabeth- looks no older than 19. and she was a saint.
behold, the following interaction:
elizabeth: wait. stop. do that again.
(i do the stitch again)
me: is something wrong?
e: no, hmm. no. ok. it just looked funny, but it turned out ok.
me: you know, i've heard that a lot in my life
cynthia (ever encouraging cynthia): see honey? you turned out alright
and thats how i began to learn to knit and made a newly retired friend on a cold tuesday in march. frankly, i can't wait for next week.
i left class feeling good about my progress, and went to meet my new friend kristin for a drink. she was out w/ her friend- kind of in my neighborhood, and i went to meet her and a friend at a bar. i got there early, and decided to practice my knitting. i had this feeling that if i didn't keep practicing immediately i'd forget how and be stuck.
so- here i am, at tattooed mom's. graffiti on the walls, loud music, a lot of drunk hipsters and college students celebrating fat tuesday. and me, on a couch, knitting, by myself.
I WAS WAITING FOR PEOPLE, JEEZ.
behold, another gem of an interaction:
imagine a group of drunk college kids looking to celebrate fat tuesday. they come upstairs in the bar and one guy is trying to convince his friends that tattooed moms really is a cool bar...
drunk guy 1: no its cool, its cool. its just kind of early
drunk guy 2, looks at me, we make eye contact, i smile a little (politely)
drunk guy 2: THERE IS A GIRL KNITTING IN HERE. NOT COOL.
the group leaves....
oh well. i am not ashamed. knitting is HIP.
kristin arrived w/ her friend Fritz, a bald artist, who was funnier than expected, and we proceeded to share a few beers and laugh. and discuss relationships and art and the C word. kristin's friend Dave also stopped by (she wanted me to 'meet' him, but he wasn't my type- but hey, thanks for the intro kristin!!)
i ended up getting in after 11 and falling into bed.
an unexpected evening, but a good one. knitting, new friends, beer, laughs.
i have decided to say yes to things more often. even random things. not Everything (i'm not a lunatic), but, you know, people, experiences- Things that might lead to random fun evenings where i knit in bars and scare away young drunk fellows.
because hey, if i'm going to end up like bridget jones, i might as well do it right.
i got myself all ready to be in a retired lady's knitting circle- but it turns out it was really fun, and not all old ladies. knitting is hip!
first we had morgan, the young married pre-school teacher. she already knew the basics, but seems kind of type a so she wants to be really good at it.
next was cynthia- actually the only retired lady, recently retired from 31 years at Penn Medicine. new to knitting. got a little frustrated with the pearl stitch, but i'm confident she'll make it through.
amy- spunky asian, curses under her breath when she makes mistakes. i think we were on the same level. she was cool. (too bad she works with he who will remain nameless, and reminding me about thing i'd rather not think about anymore...)
then a mother daughter crew who kept to themselves and seemed advanced. (boo)
another girl (who's name i can't remember?) who had already Taken a beginner knitting class and wanted to make sure she really had it all down before she moved to intermediate. show off.
and then sherri, next to me. also a total beginner, had a hard time catching on, but really got the knit stitch by the end! she has her own small pr firm. she can probably do anything.
our teacher, elizabeth- looks no older than 19. and she was a saint.
behold, the following interaction:
elizabeth: wait. stop. do that again.
(i do the stitch again)
me: is something wrong?
e: no, hmm. no. ok. it just looked funny, but it turned out ok.
me: you know, i've heard that a lot in my life
cynthia (ever encouraging cynthia): see honey? you turned out alright
and thats how i began to learn to knit and made a newly retired friend on a cold tuesday in march. frankly, i can't wait for next week.
i left class feeling good about my progress, and went to meet my new friend kristin for a drink. she was out w/ her friend- kind of in my neighborhood, and i went to meet her and a friend at a bar. i got there early, and decided to practice my knitting. i had this feeling that if i didn't keep practicing immediately i'd forget how and be stuck.
so- here i am, at tattooed mom's. graffiti on the walls, loud music, a lot of drunk hipsters and college students celebrating fat tuesday. and me, on a couch, knitting, by myself.
I WAS WAITING FOR PEOPLE, JEEZ.
behold, another gem of an interaction:
imagine a group of drunk college kids looking to celebrate fat tuesday. they come upstairs in the bar and one guy is trying to convince his friends that tattooed moms really is a cool bar...
drunk guy 1: no its cool, its cool. its just kind of early
drunk guy 2, looks at me, we make eye contact, i smile a little (politely)
drunk guy 2: THERE IS A GIRL KNITTING IN HERE. NOT COOL.
the group leaves....
oh well. i am not ashamed. knitting is HIP.
kristin arrived w/ her friend Fritz, a bald artist, who was funnier than expected, and we proceeded to share a few beers and laugh. and discuss relationships and art and the C word. kristin's friend Dave also stopped by (she wanted me to 'meet' him, but he wasn't my type- but hey, thanks for the intro kristin!!)
i ended up getting in after 11 and falling into bed.
an unexpected evening, but a good one. knitting, new friends, beer, laughs.
i have decided to say yes to things more often. even random things. not Everything (i'm not a lunatic), but, you know, people, experiences- Things that might lead to random fun evenings where i knit in bars and scare away young drunk fellows.
because hey, if i'm going to end up like bridget jones, i might as well do it right.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Pep Talk
you always want what you can't have. it's not that unique really, but it has to stop.
you choose the wrong people, and then bend and twist yourself in an attempt to be what you think they want, or what will make you more desirable to them.
enough now. it really is time to stop.
realize that you are enough. you are a whole person. you are a good person. you are definitely a lovable person. you wouldn't have so many caring family and friends if you weren't. you are smart and you can be funny when you want to be. you are a good friend. you deserve good things, you just have to put yourself in a place so that they can happen- and then LET THEM.
stop worrying that you will end up alone. learn to tolerate the loneliness, even if it is the worst feeling you can imagine. there can always be worse. hopefully you will never know it. you will not end up alone, not if you don't want to. believe that. know that it will be ok.
you don't have to change yourself or put your own wants and needs to the side. you do not have to settle. this is not the same as compromise, by doing these things you are being careless with yourself. stop being reckless with your emotions. take care of yourself. you are worth taking care of. someone will want to help take care of you someday, and you will want to take care of them. it won't be a one way street. and if that takes a while- become comfortable taking care of yourself, emotionally. you deserve that.
and now to use all of the cliches i can think of at the moment:
put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
this feeling will not last forever.
you will look back one day and realize you weren't alone, and this wasn't a major event in the grand scheme of your life.
you will find someone, and you'll be so happy you won't even remember what it was like to feel sad or lonely.
if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger.
learn from your mistakes.
don't- DON'T- beat yourself up. it's really not worth it.
for the love of god- stop talking to the people who make you feel bad about yourself. it won't make you feel better. i know it hurts, but he didn't want to be with you. he chose someone else. talking to him won't help. honestly, it won't. stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. it never works. you can't be friends. i know he was nice, but you can't be friends-because you will always think there's an inkling that he'll realize the mistake he made. it wasn't a mistake. you were not meant to be with him. you will be fine. and so will he. and soon it won't matter.
allow yourself to feel sad if you feel sad, and angry when you feel angry. but don't let it take over your life- or even your day. keep yourself open to new experiences. learn new stuff. meet new people. revisit the ones who help make you happy.
take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. you are worth it. really, you are.
you choose the wrong people, and then bend and twist yourself in an attempt to be what you think they want, or what will make you more desirable to them.
enough now. it really is time to stop.
realize that you are enough. you are a whole person. you are a good person. you are definitely a lovable person. you wouldn't have so many caring family and friends if you weren't. you are smart and you can be funny when you want to be. you are a good friend. you deserve good things, you just have to put yourself in a place so that they can happen- and then LET THEM.
stop worrying that you will end up alone. learn to tolerate the loneliness, even if it is the worst feeling you can imagine. there can always be worse. hopefully you will never know it. you will not end up alone, not if you don't want to. believe that. know that it will be ok.
you don't have to change yourself or put your own wants and needs to the side. you do not have to settle. this is not the same as compromise, by doing these things you are being careless with yourself. stop being reckless with your emotions. take care of yourself. you are worth taking care of. someone will want to help take care of you someday, and you will want to take care of them. it won't be a one way street. and if that takes a while- become comfortable taking care of yourself, emotionally. you deserve that.
and now to use all of the cliches i can think of at the moment:
put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
this feeling will not last forever.
you will look back one day and realize you weren't alone, and this wasn't a major event in the grand scheme of your life.
you will find someone, and you'll be so happy you won't even remember what it was like to feel sad or lonely.
if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger.
learn from your mistakes.
don't- DON'T- beat yourself up. it's really not worth it.
for the love of god- stop talking to the people who make you feel bad about yourself. it won't make you feel better. i know it hurts, but he didn't want to be with you. he chose someone else. talking to him won't help. honestly, it won't. stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. it never works. you can't be friends. i know he was nice, but you can't be friends-because you will always think there's an inkling that he'll realize the mistake he made. it wasn't a mistake. you were not meant to be with him. you will be fine. and so will he. and soon it won't matter.
allow yourself to feel sad if you feel sad, and angry when you feel angry. but don't let it take over your life- or even your day. keep yourself open to new experiences. learn new stuff. meet new people. revisit the ones who help make you happy.
take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. you are worth it. really, you are.
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