I'm a Believer

This week had a lot of ups and downs. It seemed to fly by, but in the end, everything is the way it should be. that's why I believe in fate.

I had a lot of no-shows at work. I was beginning to think I was cursed, as Jake (my colleague) had clients showing up left and right. I was getting things done- i read a few professional magazines, and studied some vocab words for the upcoming gre (sept. 6th here i come), and was almost up to date on my emailing. I also went to this awesome orchestra concert at the mann center, and hung out with some friends. and let's face it, i was maybe a little preoccupied with some recent events that i'm not going into here.

However, today I had an experience that reinforced my belief in my work. First of all, I had a client actually show up. My last appointed client of the week. And he stumbled into my office very suspicious of behavioral health, waiting to size me up and see what i am worth. The thing is, I connected with him. This man I have nothing superficially in common with, and he began to talk about feeling isolated, and depressed, and wanting more from his friends and his life. He spoke about feeling love very strongly, and that he had gotten to a point that maybe love was bad for him- because he felt it so strongly that it pained him. This guy was smart, and in a sad state. And i looked at him and said "i get it". And the thing is, i do. I'm not depressed, and i'm not currently in love with anyone. But as this man was talking I had to blink more than once to keep tears from forming in my eyes. As he put it, i 'love hard'. and sometimes, that hurts. a lot of the things that i do, much like my patient, i do completely. that's why when i get a new job, or start to develop new relationships, i want to throw myself into it completely. i've never been very good at the adjustment period, because i want to feel things and do things whole heartedly. it's not a bad quality. in fact, i think its one of my better ones. but it's not always easy, and sometimes, it hurts. but i'm beginning to learn how to deal with the in-betweens.
in the end i got the guy to agree to come back for therapy. i think he felt that i did understand him, despite some of our more obvious differences. and her reminded me why i do this at all- to connect with people, to make them feel less alone, if only for an hour a week.

so the week is over, and everything is once again as it should be. i'm happy at work. i'm on my way to new york, things are good. i am good. and i have a feeling they're only going to get better. because the fates have a lot in store for me. well, that's what i believe.