This week had a lot of ups and downs. It seemed to fly by, but in the end, everything is the way it should be. that's why I believe in fate.
I had a lot of no-shows at work. I was beginning to think I was cursed, as Jake (my colleague) had clients showing up left and right. I was getting things done- i read a few professional magazines, and studied some vocab words for the upcoming gre (sept. 6th here i come), and was almost up to date on my emailing. I also went to this awesome orchestra concert at the mann center, and hung out with some friends. and let's face it, i was maybe a little preoccupied with some recent events that i'm not going into here.
However, today I had an experience that reinforced my belief in my work. First of all, I had a client actually show up. My last appointed client of the week. And he stumbled into my office very suspicious of behavioral health, waiting to size me up and see what i am worth. The thing is, I connected with him. This man I have nothing superficially in common with, and he began to talk about feeling isolated, and depressed, and wanting more from his friends and his life. He spoke about feeling love very strongly, and that he had gotten to a point that maybe love was bad for him- because he felt it so strongly that it pained him. This guy was smart, and in a sad state. And i looked at him and said "i get it". And the thing is, i do. I'm not depressed, and i'm not currently in love with anyone. But as this man was talking I had to blink more than once to keep tears from forming in my eyes. As he put it, i 'love hard'. and sometimes, that hurts. a lot of the things that i do, much like my patient, i do completely. that's why when i get a new job, or start to develop new relationships, i want to throw myself into it completely. i've never been very good at the adjustment period, because i want to feel things and do things whole heartedly. it's not a bad quality. in fact, i think its one of my better ones. but it's not always easy, and sometimes, it hurts. but i'm beginning to learn how to deal with the in-betweens.
in the end i got the guy to agree to come back for therapy. i think he felt that i did understand him, despite some of our more obvious differences. and her reminded me why i do this at all- to connect with people, to make them feel less alone, if only for an hour a week.
so the week is over, and everything is once again as it should be. i'm happy at work. i'm on my way to new york, things are good. i am good. and i have a feeling they're only going to get better. because the fates have a lot in store for me. well, that's what i believe.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
guilty pleasures
At the moment, mine is 'Step Up 2- the Streets'. yes. you read that correctly. i most definitely went and bought it after work today, because i knew in advance that it came out on dvd this week.
what can i say, i'm serious about my guilty pleasures.
and i just watched it and it was great. it makes me want to get up and dance. except its a lot of street dancing and freestyling which i am not able to do. remotely.
so instead i watch.
other guilty pleasures: robin hood on the bbc, celine dion in the car, biscuits, army wives on lifetime, baking just so i can lick the bowl, HGTV, christina aguliera, an excessive amount of candles, cesar milan (the dog whisperer) and my velcro sneakers. oh. and double features at the riverview.
everybody should have guilty pleasures. cause they're what secretly make us happy.
so i'm saying it loud, and i'm saying it proud- I ENJOYED STEP UP 2.
(shut up)
what can i say, i'm serious about my guilty pleasures.
and i just watched it and it was great. it makes me want to get up and dance. except its a lot of street dancing and freestyling which i am not able to do. remotely.
so instead i watch.
other guilty pleasures: robin hood on the bbc, celine dion in the car, biscuits, army wives on lifetime, baking just so i can lick the bowl, HGTV, christina aguliera, an excessive amount of candles, cesar milan (the dog whisperer) and my velcro sneakers. oh. and double features at the riverview.
everybody should have guilty pleasures. cause they're what secretly make us happy.
so i'm saying it loud, and i'm saying it proud- I ENJOYED STEP UP 2.
(shut up)
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Hump Day
So i'm blogging at work. I recognize this is unprofessional, but today is my late day, and I have half an hour left and nothing to do. Plus, I feel there are some blog-worthy things to discuss.
First of all, i'm listening to wxpn's children's music hour. unfortunately. i hate the children's music hour but its on from 7 to whenever god takes pity on my ears, and its the station my little clock radio here is programmed to. What's funny is, the dj has like kids call in and sing live on the radio. And so i just heard like three kids call in and sing 'amazing grace' and a variety of other inspirational songs. and they were so bad, cause its like, a 6 year old. and the dj is like 'wow alex, that was so inspirational, thanks so much! you are the best singer i've ever heard!'
wtf? since when is wxpn into giving children false hope that they can make it in music? that was TERRIBLE and please stop now. That's what was going through my head anyway. on second thought, perhaps it would be better to sit in silence than listen to this cacophony.
So. Work. Yup, still here. Today i finished an old New Yorker magazine, talked to my coworkers a little, attended a mandatory training session that discussed customer service, aaaaaannnnd, waited for my one scheduled patient to stand me up. Which she did. It's interesting, cause everyone is all excited that we're here and saying they have a ton of people to send our way. Well send them already! Cause my days would go by much faster if i was seeing clients and feeling productive. I like getting paid to catch up on my reading, but this is getting ridiculous.
I did however, have a conversation with our psychiatrist. She comes three nights a week for two hours at a time. She is a character. For example: she is Pakistani (? i think?) and wears way too much makeup. She's very intense and stares at you like she's going to suck out your brain with her eyes. or like she's stoned. take your pick. and today she's talking to me and my boss, standing in the doorway, and she gets all philosophical. She's like "you know, we are all born in chains. it's like Rousseau said- 'we are born free but are in chains'- and it's true!" and my boss is like, "umm, yeah i guess it is", and i'm sitting there thinking- this woman just quoted Rousseau, like, standing in my doorway in a passing conversation. WTF.
So that's just a taste of my day, well, my past two hours really. Only 25 minutes left to go and i'm home to watch project runway!! (and robin hood....)
First of all, i'm listening to wxpn's children's music hour. unfortunately. i hate the children's music hour but its on from 7 to whenever god takes pity on my ears, and its the station my little clock radio here is programmed to. What's funny is, the dj has like kids call in and sing live on the radio. And so i just heard like three kids call in and sing 'amazing grace' and a variety of other inspirational songs. and they were so bad, cause its like, a 6 year old. and the dj is like 'wow alex, that was so inspirational, thanks so much! you are the best singer i've ever heard!'
wtf? since when is wxpn into giving children false hope that they can make it in music? that was TERRIBLE and please stop now. That's what was going through my head anyway. on second thought, perhaps it would be better to sit in silence than listen to this cacophony.
So. Work. Yup, still here. Today i finished an old New Yorker magazine, talked to my coworkers a little, attended a mandatory training session that discussed customer service, aaaaaannnnd, waited for my one scheduled patient to stand me up. Which she did. It's interesting, cause everyone is all excited that we're here and saying they have a ton of people to send our way. Well send them already! Cause my days would go by much faster if i was seeing clients and feeling productive. I like getting paid to catch up on my reading, but this is getting ridiculous.
I did however, have a conversation with our psychiatrist. She comes three nights a week for two hours at a time. She is a character. For example: she is Pakistani (? i think?) and wears way too much makeup. She's very intense and stares at you like she's going to suck out your brain with her eyes. or like she's stoned. take your pick. and today she's talking to me and my boss, standing in the doorway, and she gets all philosophical. She's like "you know, we are all born in chains. it's like Rousseau said- 'we are born free but are in chains'- and it's true!" and my boss is like, "umm, yeah i guess it is", and i'm sitting there thinking- this woman just quoted Rousseau, like, standing in my doorway in a passing conversation. WTF.
So that's just a taste of my day, well, my past two hours really. Only 25 minutes left to go and i'm home to watch project runway!! (and robin hood....)
Sunday, July 13, 2008
long time no talk
hello there. sorry i've been gone awhile. I went away last weekend up to Leslie's house for the 4th of July (and her birthday, on the 5th) and it took a lot out of me. That's what wine and food and family will do!! (not to mention a convertible, we like the wind-blown look).
Here are some pictures of our adventure:
Here we are, first (on the left) as we're heading out to the windmill for some shopping, next to the wineries for some tasting! we bought scarves in between, cause man- those convertibles do a number on the hair. plus, we really wanted to look dramatic. (esther chose the thug look, using my hoodie to complete her 'i may rob you in a minute' look. although she's smiling, so less believable).
And here we have a some 'jump shots'. kara and esther wanted to take pictures of us jumping throughout the weekend. its fun, and as you can see looks kinds cool. the picture on the right is of the four of us at the campfire saturday night. we made smores and played games and had an overall grand old time.
Jump to this week.
Work was fine. It has been kind of boring due to the lack of clients and the high no-show rate at the clinic. i'm hoping that changes this week. we finally made it onto the computerized schedule, so perhaps the front desk will make appointments for us as well as us trying to rope people into coming in to talk about their feelings.
This brings me to an interesting point. my friend caitlin called me tonight to ask me how to break up with her therapist (hi cait, whats up). I told her the easiest route was to go the 'i can't afford this anymore', which isnt' a lie and is short and sweet. but she brought up this point about kind of feeling weird going to therapy, because her life isnt' that bad. this irked me a little bit, and it was nothing personal towards her, just a professional frustration.
Do people know they are allowed to go to therapy even if they're not depressed or bipolar or having serious "issues". therapy is for everyone. EVERYONE. it's to help when times get tough, which could mean any kind of life transition or relationship problem or fight with your roommate. Therapy can help you figure out patterns in your life, or just give you an ear to vent to. It's important that people understand this, cause this is my job. And frankly, the more people who indulge themselves in the luxury of having an unbiased ear, the better (for both of us). Get over the stigma. It's old.
Now, onto this weekend. Arielle came to visit! and we had an awesome, relaxing, stress free time. We ate, we slept, we ate, we watched what some might call 'bad' tv (for the record that was her, and i totally brought her around by the end of the weekend). Basically we had some good sister bonding time. And after she left I had a major case of the sunday blues. Luckily, my math tutor arrived in time to distract me and get me focused on fractions and percents. Lucky me. In any event, i'm now winding down to my sunday night tv, design star and army wives. don't worry, i dvr-ed 'generation kill', the new hbo miniseries about the marines. i'll let you know how it is tomorrow after i've watched.
not that anyone missed me, but it's nice to be back.
Here are some pictures of our adventure:
Here we are, first (on the left) as we're heading out to the windmill for some shopping, next to the wineries for some tasting! we bought scarves in between, cause man- those convertibles do a number on the hair. plus, we really wanted to look dramatic. (esther chose the thug look, using my hoodie to complete her 'i may rob you in a minute' look. although she's smiling, so less believable).
And here we have a some 'jump shots'. kara and esther wanted to take pictures of us jumping throughout the weekend. its fun, and as you can see looks kinds cool. the picture on the right is of the four of us at the campfire saturday night. we made smores and played games and had an overall grand old time.
Jump to this week.
Work was fine. It has been kind of boring due to the lack of clients and the high no-show rate at the clinic. i'm hoping that changes this week. we finally made it onto the computerized schedule, so perhaps the front desk will make appointments for us as well as us trying to rope people into coming in to talk about their feelings.
This brings me to an interesting point. my friend caitlin called me tonight to ask me how to break up with her therapist (hi cait, whats up). I told her the easiest route was to go the 'i can't afford this anymore', which isnt' a lie and is short and sweet. but she brought up this point about kind of feeling weird going to therapy, because her life isnt' that bad. this irked me a little bit, and it was nothing personal towards her, just a professional frustration.
Do people know they are allowed to go to therapy even if they're not depressed or bipolar or having serious "issues". therapy is for everyone. EVERYONE. it's to help when times get tough, which could mean any kind of life transition or relationship problem or fight with your roommate. Therapy can help you figure out patterns in your life, or just give you an ear to vent to. It's important that people understand this, cause this is my job. And frankly, the more people who indulge themselves in the luxury of having an unbiased ear, the better (for both of us). Get over the stigma. It's old.
Now, onto this weekend. Arielle came to visit! and we had an awesome, relaxing, stress free time. We ate, we slept, we ate, we watched what some might call 'bad' tv (for the record that was her, and i totally brought her around by the end of the weekend). Basically we had some good sister bonding time. And after she left I had a major case of the sunday blues. Luckily, my math tutor arrived in time to distract me and get me focused on fractions and percents. Lucky me. In any event, i'm now winding down to my sunday night tv, design star and army wives. don't worry, i dvr-ed 'generation kill', the new hbo miniseries about the marines. i'll let you know how it is tomorrow after i've watched.
not that anyone missed me, but it's nice to be back.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)