Important Life Realization (probably # 547, but for now we'll just say #1)

Something is happening to me. i came to a realization recently that made me stop in my tracks.

real life, dating life, relationships (in general), are not like the movies. there are no flirty picnics and frolicking in fields and rainbows and milkshakes with two straws. ryan reynolds (or, swoon, gosling), doesn't show up in my local coffee shop to strike up conversation with me over what book i'm reading.

let's be honest. i don't even really go to coffee shops that often. i don't drink coffee. i only go when i'm feeling like i want to be alone yet be around people- and read and people watch and yet not really interact with anyone. and i don't meet men while i'm doing that.

lots of people realized this a long time ago. most people, probably. i'm not most people. i held out hope, sad, lonely hope, that i would get to have some kind of romantic life changing experience- where i see stars in the shape of a 'perfect for me' guy who appears like a genie from the magic lamp in my life.

but- i don't think that happens. i'm getting to the point in my life where i need to be more....realistic. i can't settle for men who have no....ambition. or future. or plan for life. i don't need someone with a 5 year plan written down next to their bed (that might be creepy). but i realize that what i need to do is look for someone who wants basically what i want in life:

a trusting, loving, reliable relationship that involves laughter and listening and working through things when they need working through.
a future that involves marriage, hopefully a nice house.
some kids (the number is still to be determined)
a partner with a job- a good one- one that is good enough to pay a share of the bills and save money to put kids through college.
vacations- nothing too extravagant, but a weekend away here and there and maybe one big trip a year.

(i don't think that is asking for much. it would be nice, of course, if we had similar tastes in movies or music and food. not all the same, we can learn from each other- but some overlap would be nice. but i'm not going to focus on that. i'm just saying...)

i think. i think of so many things. i think of what i want my life to be like, and who i want in it. i can't expect to feel overwhelmed with emotions from teenage love songs. i want reliability. and adult things. that takes an adult. two adults, actually. i have to be one of them. i don't think i want unrealistic things. so i have to be more practical in who i choose to be with. i'm getting too old to dick around and waste time with people who have been honest about our needs and wants not meeting up. honesty is good. but its meaningless unless i hear it and use it to make good choices.

we are not what we want, or what we like. we are the choices we make. and i have to make better choices. more realistic choices. this isn't settling (which i worry about), its figuring out how to be happy in a real and tangible way.

movies are fun to watch, because they aren't real. i can be happy without the movies.