the thing about 5 miles

well this week has been interesting.

On Monday i ran 5 miles. 5.7 actually. I set out somewhat nervous, because on Sunday i was not feeling my best and only ran 3.5 miles. But i figured, ok, let's get out and see what we can do. If we can get back to 4.5 it will be a success. But as i ran, i thought, well- if i get to 4.5 i should push myself to do more. maybe 4.8? and Then i thought, screw that- 4.8? i'm not stopping that close to 5 miles. i created this goal and i'm going to accomplish it! so i ran. and ran. and ran. i got nervous of stopping early and being just shy of my goal that i added loops on to the end of my route just to make sure. Finally i thought "i must have gotten to 5 miles by now..." and came home. i got inside and immediately went to the computer to map my run. (ha, funny, i went to mapmyrun.com to do this). but when i saw the results i was so stunned i immediately re-mapped it from scratch to make sure. and i had run not only 5 miles, but 5.7! a whole .7 miles over my goal! and a week early at that! i was so shocked i stood in my room with my mouth open- mind blank. not knowing what to think really. how the hell did i do that? will i be able to do it again? should i feel more....tired?
then i called my mom. because at heart i'm a five year old girl with no one to squeal to about my accomplishment except for my mom. and she was really proud of me. so that was nice.

so it appears i need a new goal. i made my friend a hat- a new kind, gray with a navy blue stripe in the middle, to make it different. it came out pretty good! and tonight i tried a new recipe- magic bars. cookie bottom w/ dark and white chocolate chips, reeses pieces, coconut and chopped pecans on top. they are still cooling, but smell amazing.

and now what?

the thing about running was that i don't really think much while doing it. i think in snippets about my life, but don't really think anything through. i am too focused on making sure i keep moving forward and giving myself little pep talks and imagining the end of races and who will be there to cheer me on. so there isn't much time to think through the deep thoughts and issues that run through my subconscious. and i enjoy it that way. i like to get away.

but now i've reached another goal. and i feel really good about it. and i do want to keep going. but i feel....restless. and boring. people ask me what's new and i say "oh, same old. knitting. baking. moving around furniture in my living room". i ordered a new couch- which won't get here until my birthday. how can these things be the most exciting things i have to talk about?

perhaps i'm just being too negative. but i'm having a hard time focusing on the positive this week. i'm not sure why.
i'm going to providence for the weekend to visit jared- so i'm hoping that helps boost my mood. he is always a good time and i haven't seen him since last thanksgiving. plus he's forcing me to go to a halloween party. as one of the village people..... now that's a conversation starter if i ever heard one.