when you are young you don't always know when you meet people who will be important to you. you are meeting new people all the time, and so many people and friends float in and out of your life that realizing who's important sometimes takes time.
and then, after a while, once something happens- you realize it. a life transition, a death, a move, a heart break. there might be a number of times in your life when you realize just how lucky you are to know the people you know. but what is important is that you do realize it.
when i was in college i was struck with this crazy feeling one day. i had had one of the most amazing best friends my senior year of high school. and i had totally taken him for granted.
obviously, i didn't do that on purpose. it's just that i found after being in college for a little while that nobody was quite like jared. he is funny and smart and understated. confident and thoughtful. he picked me up for school every morning of senior year and often drove me home. he gave me his opinion when it counted, and didn't judge me (too harshly) when i was a crazy adolescent. he gave me one of my favorite nicknames, which he's still the only one to use.
i visited him this weekend. he's a doctor now. real fancy. he just had his 'golden birthday'- he turned 29 on the 29th. and a month ago when we were catching up and commiserating on loneliness and life's odd turns- i found cheap tickets to go see him.
now, jared and i don't see each other very often anymore. we're the type of close friends who catch up on the phone every once in a while and it's like one long conversation. we don't have to worry about if the other has changed or if time will make things weird. it's not weird. i already know he's a phone talker who is prone to silences which some might find awkward. i fill them with random stories and questions. but when i get to SEE jared, the silences are never awkward at all. in fact, i'm reminded even more about all the things i love about him:
~we like a lot of the same movies, and he lets me give detailed synopses to get him up to speed on things.
~he gives really good hugs. he kind of plants his feet and really squeezes back in a way that let's you know you are not the only participant in the hug.
~he often knows what i am trying to say as i open my mouth to say it
~he pokes fun at me, but always at appropriate times and never too harshly
~when he's telling me about people in his life he is detailed, and he always tells me what he thinks i will like about them. which makes me feel like he has thought about it and keeps me involved in his life even when i'm not there.
~he is the only other person i know who not only owns Hook on VHS, but quotes it as frequently as i do.
~we share a love of the mighty ducks (especially D2) that no one can equal. ducks fly together.
~he remembers a lot of my embarrassing high school moments, and shares them in a way that makes me know they are part of the reason he liked being my friend back then.
~we have a song or two (oooor 4?) that are 'our songs'. and when he karaoked one with someone else last year he called me to tell me he'd "cheated" on me. but it was with a girl he had a huge crush on so it was a worthy cause.
~he has this laugh that is just great. it seems to grow as he realizes why he finds something funny.
~sometimes when we discover we like the same thing (ex: recently it's the movie "Drive", starring my bf ryan gosling) we like the same things about it (such as...the opening credits involving pink 80s writing and an awesome song we listened to on repeat all weekend)
~he really appreciates a good titular line (which is, of course, when the title of a movie is mentioned in the dialogue somewhere) as well as good tag lines. a summer of working at blockbuster will do that to you.
~it's always reassuring to know that someone knew you back then, and still really knows you now. so you haven't really changed all that much.
~and finally, we used to drive around at night and park his car in a parking lot or in front of my house and lay the seats back and stare out the windows and have long talks about "life" and how we wanted ours to end up. and jared always had these insightful things to say. it's still kind of like that. with a few Hook references thrown in, of course.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
the thing about 5 miles
well this week has been interesting.
On Monday i ran 5 miles. 5.7 actually. I set out somewhat nervous, because on Sunday i was not feeling my best and only ran 3.5 miles. But i figured, ok, let's get out and see what we can do. If we can get back to 4.5 it will be a success. But as i ran, i thought, well- if i get to 4.5 i should push myself to do more. maybe 4.8? and Then i thought, screw that- 4.8? i'm not stopping that close to 5 miles. i created this goal and i'm going to accomplish it! so i ran. and ran. and ran. i got nervous of stopping early and being just shy of my goal that i added loops on to the end of my route just to make sure. Finally i thought "i must have gotten to 5 miles by now..." and came home. i got inside and immediately went to the computer to map my run. (ha, funny, i went to mapmyrun.com to do this). but when i saw the results i was so stunned i immediately re-mapped it from scratch to make sure. and i had run not only 5 miles, but 5.7! a whole .7 miles over my goal! and a week early at that! i was so shocked i stood in my room with my mouth open- mind blank. not knowing what to think really. how the hell did i do that? will i be able to do it again? should i feel more....tired?
then i called my mom. because at heart i'm a five year old girl with no one to squeal to about my accomplishment except for my mom. and she was really proud of me. so that was nice.
so it appears i need a new goal. i made my friend a hat- a new kind, gray with a navy blue stripe in the middle, to make it different. it came out pretty good! and tonight i tried a new recipe- magic bars. cookie bottom w/ dark and white chocolate chips, reeses pieces, coconut and chopped pecans on top. they are still cooling, but smell amazing.
and now what?
the thing about running was that i don't really think much while doing it. i think in snippets about my life, but don't really think anything through. i am too focused on making sure i keep moving forward and giving myself little pep talks and imagining the end of races and who will be there to cheer me on. so there isn't much time to think through the deep thoughts and issues that run through my subconscious. and i enjoy it that way. i like to get away.
but now i've reached another goal. and i feel really good about it. and i do want to keep going. but i feel....restless. and boring. people ask me what's new and i say "oh, same old. knitting. baking. moving around furniture in my living room". i ordered a new couch- which won't get here until my birthday. how can these things be the most exciting things i have to talk about?
perhaps i'm just being too negative. but i'm having a hard time focusing on the positive this week. i'm not sure why.
i'm going to providence for the weekend to visit jared- so i'm hoping that helps boost my mood. he is always a good time and i haven't seen him since last thanksgiving. plus he's forcing me to go to a halloween party. as one of the village people..... now that's a conversation starter if i ever heard one.
On Monday i ran 5 miles. 5.7 actually. I set out somewhat nervous, because on Sunday i was not feeling my best and only ran 3.5 miles. But i figured, ok, let's get out and see what we can do. If we can get back to 4.5 it will be a success. But as i ran, i thought, well- if i get to 4.5 i should push myself to do more. maybe 4.8? and Then i thought, screw that- 4.8? i'm not stopping that close to 5 miles. i created this goal and i'm going to accomplish it! so i ran. and ran. and ran. i got nervous of stopping early and being just shy of my goal that i added loops on to the end of my route just to make sure. Finally i thought "i must have gotten to 5 miles by now..." and came home. i got inside and immediately went to the computer to map my run. (ha, funny, i went to mapmyrun.com to do this). but when i saw the results i was so stunned i immediately re-mapped it from scratch to make sure. and i had run not only 5 miles, but 5.7! a whole .7 miles over my goal! and a week early at that! i was so shocked i stood in my room with my mouth open- mind blank. not knowing what to think really. how the hell did i do that? will i be able to do it again? should i feel more....tired?
then i called my mom. because at heart i'm a five year old girl with no one to squeal to about my accomplishment except for my mom. and she was really proud of me. so that was nice.
so it appears i need a new goal. i made my friend a hat- a new kind, gray with a navy blue stripe in the middle, to make it different. it came out pretty good! and tonight i tried a new recipe- magic bars. cookie bottom w/ dark and white chocolate chips, reeses pieces, coconut and chopped pecans on top. they are still cooling, but smell amazing.
and now what?
the thing about running was that i don't really think much while doing it. i think in snippets about my life, but don't really think anything through. i am too focused on making sure i keep moving forward and giving myself little pep talks and imagining the end of races and who will be there to cheer me on. so there isn't much time to think through the deep thoughts and issues that run through my subconscious. and i enjoy it that way. i like to get away.
but now i've reached another goal. and i feel really good about it. and i do want to keep going. but i feel....restless. and boring. people ask me what's new and i say "oh, same old. knitting. baking. moving around furniture in my living room". i ordered a new couch- which won't get here until my birthday. how can these things be the most exciting things i have to talk about?
perhaps i'm just being too negative. but i'm having a hard time focusing on the positive this week. i'm not sure why.
i'm going to providence for the weekend to visit jared- so i'm hoping that helps boost my mood. he is always a good time and i haven't seen him since last thanksgiving. plus he's forcing me to go to a halloween party. as one of the village people..... now that's a conversation starter if i ever heard one.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
october check in
i haven't forgotten about you. i think all the time about writing more, but things have been busy!
i decided to dive right in to my october goals, and i'm glad to report they are going well! I have not eaten any candy from the candy drawer this month. That doesn't mean i haven't had any candy, but i haven't binged on it from boredom just because it was there. I haven't even opened that candy drawer once. not even to look at the forbidden fruit. i know myself well enough to know that if i know what's in there..i will fantasize about it one afternoon around 3pm and perhaps break my goal. why tempt myself?
i am also working on getting to a 5 mile run. i actually can't believe how well this goal is going. i started out at 2.5 miles, and worked my way up to 4.5 today! today! its october 18th! i still have 13 days to run just another half a mile! i think i might actually accomplish this goal- and i'm both shocked and super happy, to the point where i don't want to jinx myself- but i don't really know what to do with myself if i get there. shout it from the rooftops? buy myself this new purse i've been eying? reward myself with a cheesesteak? eh, i don't even really feel in the mood for a cheesesteak- but i think the most important thing to do once i reach 5 miles is to keep running. I have a tendency to stop sometimes during the winter. I don't push myself as much, i let my skills....lapse. What's the point of being able to run 5 miles if i only do it once and then never run again? i think i should stick with it and stay healthy. eat more veggies. work on those last 5 lbs.... i'll figure it out more once i've hit the mark.
what's funny about running for me is that when i get really tired i imagine i'm at the end of a race. i imagine who would be running with me, and what we would talk about. i imagine who would be at the finish line. sometimes the finish line is at the end of each block- i push myself further telling myself i have to get to that invisible line where people are waiting for me, proud of me. and it keeps me going. i don't think i imagined running would be quite like that for me- but i guess we learn new things everyday.
i've also caught up on a lot of tv lately. i've gotten rid of some shows on my schedule, made it slightly more reasonable to keep track of. some shows (like American Horror Story, for example) are still on my bubble- i haven't quite decided if i want to keep watching them. but for the most part my schedule is set. and i'm happy about it. i watch a good mix of comedies, drama and guilty pleasure ridiculousness.
now if only i could force myself to watch my netflix movies and use it the way it should be used...to catch up on silly girly movies, classics, and seasons of tv shows i never watched while they were on the air.
well, there's always november.....
i decided to dive right in to my october goals, and i'm glad to report they are going well! I have not eaten any candy from the candy drawer this month. That doesn't mean i haven't had any candy, but i haven't binged on it from boredom just because it was there. I haven't even opened that candy drawer once. not even to look at the forbidden fruit. i know myself well enough to know that if i know what's in there..i will fantasize about it one afternoon around 3pm and perhaps break my goal. why tempt myself?
i am also working on getting to a 5 mile run. i actually can't believe how well this goal is going. i started out at 2.5 miles, and worked my way up to 4.5 today! today! its october 18th! i still have 13 days to run just another half a mile! i think i might actually accomplish this goal- and i'm both shocked and super happy, to the point where i don't want to jinx myself- but i don't really know what to do with myself if i get there. shout it from the rooftops? buy myself this new purse i've been eying? reward myself with a cheesesteak? eh, i don't even really feel in the mood for a cheesesteak- but i think the most important thing to do once i reach 5 miles is to keep running. I have a tendency to stop sometimes during the winter. I don't push myself as much, i let my skills....lapse. What's the point of being able to run 5 miles if i only do it once and then never run again? i think i should stick with it and stay healthy. eat more veggies. work on those last 5 lbs.... i'll figure it out more once i've hit the mark.
what's funny about running for me is that when i get really tired i imagine i'm at the end of a race. i imagine who would be running with me, and what we would talk about. i imagine who would be at the finish line. sometimes the finish line is at the end of each block- i push myself further telling myself i have to get to that invisible line where people are waiting for me, proud of me. and it keeps me going. i don't think i imagined running would be quite like that for me- but i guess we learn new things everyday.
i've also caught up on a lot of tv lately. i've gotten rid of some shows on my schedule, made it slightly more reasonable to keep track of. some shows (like American Horror Story, for example) are still on my bubble- i haven't quite decided if i want to keep watching them. but for the most part my schedule is set. and i'm happy about it. i watch a good mix of comedies, drama and guilty pleasure ridiculousness.
now if only i could force myself to watch my netflix movies and use it the way it should be used...to catch up on silly girly movies, classics, and seasons of tv shows i never watched while they were on the air.
well, there's always november.....
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