twenty minutes ago i disabled  my okcupid account. it has been on and off for almost 2 years, and i think it's served it's purpose. i went on a lot of dates. i had my first taste of real dating last summer. and i met someone i truly cared about. but in the end, i am not upset to say goodbye to okcupid. i think it's time for a change.

i also moved around my living room furniture. the room looks completely different- a lot less cluttered and more open and spacious. it's quite nice. i'm already feeling a little different. of course now i also get to focus on potentially getting some new things- i want to give away or get rid of some of the furniture that's already there- and get one or two things that are practical and fit the new set up. specifically- i want to get rid of my coffee table and get a storage ottoman to use as a new one/extra seating. i want to maybe get a long and low bookshelf to put against one of the walls, and get rid of one of the end tables i was using. i want...my life to look and feel different. including my living space.
thankfully i'm still satisfied with the way my bedroom is set up- because i think i'm stuck with it the way it is. the furniture is too big and the space too small to move things around too much. but i've slowly started the cleansing process in here too- cleaning corners of the room and purging things i don't need. it's all part of my "revamp my life" kick that i've been on for the past few weeks.  it's the little things that can really make a difference and make you feel better.

also- i went back to the gym. i decided a week was enough time to really mope and eat emotionally without worrying about the consequences. now- it's back to trying to use endorphins to bust out of this. and i think i did notice a difference in my mood. i rewarded myself with shared popcorn and m&ms at the movies tonight with lisa :) nothing says "congratulations on working out!" like some junk food at the movies. i earned that shit. and i will keep earning it.

i think in the coming weeks i will finish cleaning/organizing my bedroom, probably go through my closets again and get rid of things, and hopefully put the finishing touches on the living room. then i'll sit and watch all the new tv that is coming back and knit hats for my friends and plan weekend activities to take me through the fall- my favorite time of year.

i think i want to carve a pumpkin. would this be a good date activity? i also might want to go on a food truck tour. and make a dent in my 'to read' pile. and take steps towards improving my financial situation and my career. or at least identify what steps i should be taking (if i'm too scared to actually take them yet). the fall is always my favorite time of year. back to school time. no wonder i feel the need to organize- i always loved organizing my books and supplies for the year. if only i had a reason to need a spiral notebook!
by the end of fall this nagging lonely feeling will have gone away. either because i'll have found someone new or because i'll feel better about being alone again. my therapist always says no pain should be wasted- so i better put this to good use and make some positive change.