nope. life still sucks. but today is a little different than yesterday.

today i decided to see what it was like to look at things from a different perspective.

anger. i can only hold onto it for short periods of time, but it's there. and it feels...empowering. it makes you feel better and stronger.
until it disappears and i'm left feeling weak and ache-y again.
but hey, at least i'm trying.

things that make me feel better:
reading gossip magazines
reading, in general
talking on the phone
washing dishes
knitting
thinking about new things i can learn
reading old funny blog posts
thinking about how to rearrange my living room furniture
thinking about a time when i will no longer feel sad, and more than that- will not even remember why i was so sad to begin with

things that, surprisingly, are not helping:
watching hgtv- i used to love watching this during the summer. now i lose interest after 10 seconds
watching tv in general
eating or baking
my own pep talks (usually my fav)
dressing up
spending time alone with my thoughts

things that could go either way:
music- i find that i can't handle music lately. i don't want to feel whatever it will make me feel. i'd rather sit in silence and zone out
talking about what happened or how i'm dealing with it- i either feel weird or pathetic or just like no one actually gives a shit. unless of course they do and are helpful and then its ok.
breathing- eh, sometimes it gets challenging and then i get upset for no reason (i believe this is called a 'panic attack'. they are becoming less frequent by the day). i keep doing it though, don't worry.

overall, i suppose today sucked less than yesterday.
who knows, tomorrow might be better.
if i can hold onto more anger i'll be able to propel myself forward a bit more.
time. give it time.
i'm trying to focus on the freedom of feeling crappy. and allow myself to do whatever the fuck i want.