are you talking to me?

i talk to the universe sometimes, this is an established fact. i'm not sure if the universe really listens. but sometimes- on some days, i think it does.
i woke up this morning (late) and decided to take one later train than normal to work. i ate breakfast at home. i did what felt good. i was tired, but i've been tired a lot lately so that's ok. but i am trying to listen more to my life and my body and the world around me.
on my walk to the train station i put my ipod on song shuffle. and the songs seemed to speak to me. lights were turning yellow as i approached the corners, but i crossed anyway and always made it without problem. i felt like maybe i was supposed to slow down and wait, because i had time. things would be ok. my train was late (so i did actually have time), but i was still got to work at an ok time. and on the train there was this new ad that i hadn't seen before. it said "Listen. Learn. Change." and then this line about living a better life. it was an ad for Council for Relationships, (which is this group practice that has a good reputation in philadelphia- they offer individual, family, couples and probably group therapy. but i wasn't aware they did public ads on trains. anyway...) and it struck me as so...appropriate for how i've been feeling lately. which is down. but trying hard to get back up.
and today was the first day things started to feel different.

let me take you back for a second to a few weeks ago. November 10th maybe? It was a thursday. It was also a day i decided to go out on a limb and do something crazy.
for a few months now there has been a guy i see on the train sometimes, a few times a week usually. he wears adorable suits and carries an old man-looking briefcase and reads the wall street journal. he first got my attention over the summer when he was wearing seersucker. in real life. i've never been the type to go gaga over seerksucker, because i think usually it looks pretentious and silly. but i definitely did a double take. WHO WEARS SEERSUCKER IN REAL LIFE TO WORK ON A WEEKDAY? my train crush, that's who. i think over the course of a few months i complemented some of his style. his suit, his fun argyle socks. but that's the extent of our interactions. he sat next to me one day (he gets on later than i do) and i woke up from a nap and saw him there and immediately went "oh look- train crush is sitting next to me. should i talk to him?" in my head- before remembering we sit in the quiet ride car, and no one is supposed to talk. so i went to work and told my friend lizzy about it and she said "you never talk to your train crush so what's the point?". what's the point? the point is it's fun to have a train crush? why does there need to be a point? but it did get me thinking....
and so, on Thursday November 10th i wrote a note to my crush. i ran it by my train friend Bonnie, who was both surprised and impressed at my idea- and scribbled out something the likes of "i've noticed you on the train for a while. i think we should go out for drinks sometime" with my name (first name only, i'm not retarded) and my phone number (maybe mildly retarded, but this is how you do things, no?)- and i passed him the note on my way off the train that day. my heart was racing and i couldn't look him in the eye- but i could tell he looked slightly confused as he took the folded piece of paper. i then ran off the train and to work, where i had a mild panic attack at the boldness of my actions.
later that day i had a slightly bigger panic attack when an unknown number CALLED MY PHONE, but it turned out to be some random company trying to get me to do a survey or some shit. wah wah. what a let down. my heart did a cheesy sigh of disappointment, and yet- i guess i never really expected to hear from him anyway.
not only did i not hear from him, he Disappeared. i have not seen him since. he's not on the train or anything. my friends at work have asked if i've heard anything and just today i said "no, i'm pretty sure he moved out of state to avoid awkward run-ins with me on the train". we decided if anything he probably started driving to work now, because a crazy girl shoved paper into his hand one day with her phone number on it. who does this? i don't know.
so i'm going through today trying to just listen for signs from the universe. my last assessment of the day was running late and i was cutting it very close to catch my train home at 7:18. around 7 my phone started buzzing with an unknown out of state number i assumed was probably a credit card company or telemarketer- as had been in the past (not collections, by the way, people offering random shit). but anyway i hit ignore in an attempt to finish things up and get out of the office quickly.
i noticed i had a voicemail and thought- odd, telemarketers usually hang up.
it was the universe calling.
aka- train crush.
turns out he hasn't been around the last few weeks because he's been in CHINA (he did not run there to avoid me, either), and he got back on Sunday and called to see if i wanted to go out for drinks this weekend
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
who's life is this?
after i had an extended panic attack in front of coworkers who commented on the vast shades of red my face can turn, we discussed what a good story it would be for me and train crush to get married and tell our future kids their mom picked up dad on a commuter train...
we also facebook stalked him and found out he's only barely legal and i might be considered a cougar for considering dating this person. but i mean- COME ON. the universe basically told me to wake the fuck up- because when you take chances sometimes cool things come of it. like cute boys who wear seersucker call you and ask you out on a date at a time where you were considering never going on a date again.
to get all cheesy and quote ridiculous things: "be the change you want to see in this world" and from my very own facebook profile "if you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done".
and on my train home, as i stared at the ad for Council for Relationships telling me to Listen. Learn. Change. i realized- SHIT. Sometimes the Universe really does answer back.