i think it's time i gave up and just gave my life over to the universe to figure out.

this topic came up last night while i was somewhat drunk and out eating bad mexican food with friends in new york. my friend keith is dealing with a dead end guy who doesn't seem interested. yet keith doesn't want to let it go (sorry keith, but it's true). and arusha told him to give it up to the universe, because that's when you 'get what you want'.

now- while i don't think i believe this always works, i do think there's something to it.

because here's the thing. i'm over being single. especially for the holidays. i'm over it. i'm over everyone asking me who i'm dating, and me having to say 'oh, no one in particular', and smiling and grinning and pretending that its a totally ok question that i just love answering.

GO FUCK YOURSELF. if i'm dating someone, i'm sure my mom will broadcast it to the world within hours of her finding out. so why are you even asking? do you think it makes me feel better to have to discuss this with you aunt or uncle so and so, who i see once or twice a year? or you know, my brother in law's parents as we make small talk on the way to dinner. i know you're trying to be nice- but honestly, unless you have someone to introduce me to, FUCK OFF.

being currently single isn't my choice. its just what it is. and i've tried- sure, i could probably have tried a little harder in the last few months, but its not like i'm turning people away.

so. i think i'm just going to give it to the universe.

HELLO, UNIVERSE? ARE YOU THERE? ITS ME, DIANA.

i'm tired of being alone and feeling like i'm missing out on this huge part of life that comes with caring about someone and having them care about you in return. having someone to eat with or watch a movie with, whenever i feel like. having someone to fucking rub my back when i'm tense (because that's something i'd like).

i'm ready for that now. i am open. i will try and put myself out there and let someone in and all that jazz. JUST PLEASE FUCKING COOPERATE INSTEAD OF SENDING ME EMOTIONAL FUCKUPS.

i'm leaving it in your hands, universe. send me a sign.

Sincerely,

Diana F.Q.