let's pat ourselves on the back

ok, it's the end of the year.

i wanted to share that i have calmed down some since my last post. i didn't want to end the year on a bad note like that. especially since 2010 really hasn't been a bad year at all...

i was thinking about doing a recap of sorts. things i've learned, experienced or accomplished in 2010. briefly:

~i drove from new york to san francisco, in 6 days, with 2 of my favorite people. keith peed across america. we took photo shoots in fields and searched for men of our dreams in every city. it was the best of times, it was the...no it was just awesome.

~in may mimi and jeff got married. two of my favorite people, one great party. the constitution center sticks out as a great place for a wedding. and i'm not just saying that because there's a room full of life sized historical figures....

~arielleand i finally went to visit kim in wisconsin. madison is a cute little town,and we got to see frank lloyd wright's house and studio! (which only added to my love of flw)

~in the fall i reread all of harry potter and went to hogwarts in orlando!!!! sadly, i know its not the real hogwarts, but it was fun just the same.

also fun- watching my dad pretend to fly a fake broom...

~earlier this month, Arielle turned 30. that's right: 30. This was the cause for three (count em, three) birthday celebrations. But honestly, they were all awesome.

~finally, Caitlin and I went to London and Edinburgh!!

(all pictures of these events, and other from the past year, can be found on facebook :) )

So- what have I learned this year?

Well, in April I started my 90 in 90 project. I learned about self discipline and determination. Most importantly, I learned that I can do things that I set my mind to- even if at some point they seem impossible.

Case in point- I took up running in August (after i finished the 90 in 90 project). I started out running for 60 seconds at a time. Last week I ran 4 miles without stopping. If that isn't accomplishment, I don't know what is. :)

Finally, relationships. I actually had one (albeit brief). It was fun while it lasted, and I both know and understand why it wasn't really meant to be. I think it was a good thing, and i'm glad it happened. Overall i've probably met at least 15 different men in the year 2010. That's a lot for me. I am proud. You should be too... With each date and relationship experience, you learn something about yourself- big or small. I'm trying to learn to stop repeating dumb mistakes. It's harder than you may think, but I do have some faith that things will get better in this department.

So- on to the new year.

What are my resolutions, you ask? for the most part they're pretty boring: get a new job, date (more), lose another 10 lbs (i think i lost around 7lbs in 2010, not bad), work on my posture, travel more, be open to life experience. the usual.

I've gotten a jump on 2011 by going on 2 first dates this week (both of which were successful and likely to lead to second dates!), and scheduling 2 job interviews. The first interview was yesterday- and it went really really well. More on that some other time...

for now i have to figure out what i'm wearing tonight. I'm going out to dinner with friends, and then to a myriad of house parties and fireworks in various parts of the city. its a little more active than some previous new years, but we'll see how it goes...

i think it's time i gave up and just gave my life over to the universe to figure out.

this topic came up last night while i was somewhat drunk and out eating bad mexican food with friends in new york. my friend keith is dealing with a dead end guy who doesn't seem interested. yet keith doesn't want to let it go (sorry keith, but it's true). and arusha told him to give it up to the universe, because that's when you 'get what you want'.

now- while i don't think i believe this always works, i do think there's something to it.

because here's the thing. i'm over being single. especially for the holidays. i'm over it. i'm over everyone asking me who i'm dating, and me having to say 'oh, no one in particular', and smiling and grinning and pretending that its a totally ok question that i just love answering.

GO FUCK YOURSELF. if i'm dating someone, i'm sure my mom will broadcast it to the world within hours of her finding out. so why are you even asking? do you think it makes me feel better to have to discuss this with you aunt or uncle so and so, who i see once or twice a year? or you know, my brother in law's parents as we make small talk on the way to dinner. i know you're trying to be nice- but honestly, unless you have someone to introduce me to, FUCK OFF.

being currently single isn't my choice. its just what it is. and i've tried- sure, i could probably have tried a little harder in the last few months, but its not like i'm turning people away.

so. i think i'm just going to give it to the universe.

HELLO, UNIVERSE? ARE YOU THERE? ITS ME, DIANA.

i'm tired of being alone and feeling like i'm missing out on this huge part of life that comes with caring about someone and having them care about you in return. having someone to eat with or watch a movie with, whenever i feel like. having someone to fucking rub my back when i'm tense (because that's something i'd like).

i'm ready for that now. i am open. i will try and put myself out there and let someone in and all that jazz. JUST PLEASE FUCKING COOPERATE INSTEAD OF SENDING ME EMOTIONAL FUCKUPS.

i'm leaving it in your hands, universe. send me a sign.

Sincerely,

Diana F.Q.