lovely piece

i'm sorry. i know i've been gone a long time. i don't have a very good excuse. i've been busy? but honestly, i've been meaning to write. and tonight is the night- because things are getting crazy.

first of all, my sister is getting married in a month. we're at the sprint to the finish line. for me this means going to the gym whenever possible to try and lose this 4 lbs (where did you come from?) and keeping my sister calm when she has anxiety dreams about gift baskets.
technically, i'm not doing much for the actual wedding. so it's not my stress. but dealing with my family surrounding the wedding, that is stressful. a few months ago i got so frustrated i actually called my mother bridezilla. to her face.

and then there's work. today was not a good day. i've come to expect that my days depend on the weather. nice weather = busy day. rain or slightly crappy weather = i should make sure and have plenty of reading materials. so today, rainy in the morning, kind of chilly. i only saw 2 clients. i had a chronic headache, i got into an argument with a guy at lunch about societal gender roles. (i tried not to get involved, i really did. but he kept insisting i discuss the necessity of a man 'protecting' me and deserving something in return- protecting me from what? i kept asking. i still don't understand). i was then told that with the swine flu outbreak, the clinic is expecting some cases. they don't want to bring these people with 'flu like symptoms' all the way into the clinic (even though they will be in the waiting area, infecting everyone else while they wait) so they are using the BEHAVIORAL HEALTH offices, right next to the front door, as the triage rooms. the regular triage room is 2 doors down from me. that's apparently too far. they don't want the germs to permeate. instead they want the germs in mine and jake's offices, where we sit everyday and see clients. oh, they'll clean though- with a can of lysol. they will go in and inspect the patients with gloves and a SARS mask, then spray some lysol and send us in there- sans mask. sans gloves. basically they're trying to give me the swine flu in time for arielle's wedding. did i mention that's in a month?

then, after a nice interlude of watching 'lost' with mimi, i call my aunt for her birthday and am updated on the latest case of family craziness. 'arielle is stressing herself out with the wedding' 'your mother hates the music she picked to walk down the aisle to' 'she thinks it's depressing jesus music' (we're jews. we don't do jesus. or bach, apparently). my mother, in all her glorious passive aggressiveness, sent arielle an email. the subject said "Bach" the email consisted of two words: lovely piece.
obviously this means she hates it. arielle forwarded it to me, and asked me if i had anything to do with this. like i cause her craziness! no. i have not had a converstaion with our mother about the music, because i would have told her she was insane. but arielle thought maybe mom was 'trying' to be supportive b/c i talked to her. instead, she's trying to not so subltey say she hates it. there are no trumpets, after all. and arielle needs to walk down the aisle to trumpets. probably with footmen trailing behind her to hold her train or something. wearing powdered wigs. or actually playing the trumpets!
my sister and i of course were like crying laughing so hard about this. among all the other craziness going on right now.

but i can't handle this. i've got to worry about keeping the swine flu at bay. and finishing planning the bachelorette party. and trying to get to the gym. and you know, staying sane.
so if you'll excuse me, i'm going to head to bed. and pretend today didn't happen.

and the bach really is a lovely piece. too bad it's banned from the wedding.

adventurelust

i have realized recently that there is something really nice about friday nights. i never really cared one way or another before. but really, friday nights are wide open. you can do anything, go anywhere, stay up however late- with the knowledge that you have 2 full days in front of you. for some reason, i've really begun to appreciate that lately.

of course, i usually end up doing nothing on fridays- bumming around, seeing a movie, watching a movie, reading, generally spending time in my sweat pants. but hey, that's my choice. it still feels wide open, the night actually seems longer. and i usually do stay up later. just because i can.

today i left work a little early. i came home to change, and headed to target, where i bought a new top (target is a good place for basic clothes, cause they're cheap) and some budget cereal and granola bars. i then headed over to the movie theatre next door and saw 'Adventureland'. i knew pretty much from the first time i saw the preview that i was going to see this movie. it was right up my alley, and not just because we have an adventureland on long island (i dont know if i ever actually went there), but because i am a sucker for movies about post collegiate lost-ness and relationships. the movie was great. not exactly what you expect either, there are some surprises. but i enjoyed it. not to ruin it, but it ends (well, almost) with a scene in the rain, a guy waiting for a girl on her steps. she comes home and finds him there. surprise! this also happened in one tree hill this week (oops, i just admitted i watch one tree hill...), and i recognized that i am not the type of girl who has people waiting on her doorstep. this makes me a little sad, both because i know things like that don't happen in real life, and because i'm the type of person to do them. to a boy, of course. because i like to pretend life is like tv/movies. a natural side effect of watching way too many movies/tv shows growing up. not that i've done that lately, i'm just saying. sad.

i also noticed something else on my way home. i only saw one movie. friday night, plenty of movies out, i had the popcorn, and i left after one movie. truth be told, it's been a little while since i've seen a double feature. i just haven't been in the mood. what is happening to me? i am the queen of double features! this made me think of something i remembered someone saying once (wow, vague much?). the moment you felt like an adult. no- this was not necessarily one of those moments. but i thought about this, and i feel like there isnt' maybe one moment. not for me anyway. adulthood comes in steps. sometimes they wax and wane like the moon. one of my moments, silly as it may sounds, was when i started blow drying my hair. on a regular basis. i went 25 years without blowdrying my hair on a regular basis, and the results have been some boring and some wacky hairdos. but having some control over my hair made me feel more grown up. and have nicer hair. perhaps slowing down my double features is a sign of change.

change that i am still waiting for, that i don't know how to make happen because i don't know what kind of change i want it to be exactly. but i find that when life is good, or 'fine', i feel monotonous and want to do something new. is this weird? am i incapable of just enjoying a good and stable life? maybe. but i'm not yearning for instability, just something new to think about, experience, etc. and spending 4-5 hours in a movie theatre isn't cutting it right now. but just under 2 hours for a movie about feeling lost and found at the same time, that was alright.