last week i may have hit rock bottom, emotionally. it was....bad. i cried almost every day, sometimes for reasons i couldn't even explain. i cried, and then i cried some more.
it seems unfair to say that i'm overworked and underpaid, under-appreciated and unhappy. there are a lot of people worse off than i am- living without heat, or food, or actually even a place to live at all- and here i am whining about feeling blue.
i'm trying really hard to shake it. i think it's been building for a while- potentially all fall. it feels like it has been a long fall, and yet, time has flown by quickly. but things seem to have shifted for me somehow, and now i am often tired and unmotivated and isolating and quick to tear up. it's unsettling and i do not like it. i've decided to do something about it- and so far that has involved listening to christmas music and trying to remember it's the holidays and i love christmas lights and cookies and carols and gift giving. man, i really do love gift giving. i love thinking of a good gift and wrapping it and handing it over and feeling satisfied that i could provide something for someone (even if it is something very silly).
this week when i get up in the morning i hum a new christmas tune. this morning it happened to be the title of this blog post. it was ironic, i was humming without even realizing it, and i got into the shower and thought "ugggggggh i do not want to get up" and then i realized i was humming ITS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR and thought "hmmmmm, I guess I'll just go with that" and got dressed for work and went about my day. i tried to remember the song as i went about my day so as not to feel too beaten down. i suppose i accomplished that because here i am. i made it through the day and actually opened up my computer to write something- this hasn't happened in a while.
I feel like i have a lot to say, and a lot I want to figure out how to write. But honestly, i'm so tired that i need to just get into bed with the West Wing. until next time (soon)....
